Archive for January, 1990

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Violets [1987]

Here in this house, house of grief and loneliness. Of beaten down goals and desires. i want to leave it all behind, but it will never leave.

Where is the path of happiness? Where did if go beneath my feet?
I look around and see the animals of the herd. I trudge on,
developing my new path, slashing my way, ripped by the briars,
bitten by insects, onto what? I don’t know. I’m lonely and my
house is still here. But maybe I’ll lose it on the way through
this mess. Because I will not stop until I find my own Eden.
Majick is everywhere
in your teapot, in the sash about your waist
in the moon above and within you.

4 powers of the Magus
knowledge
courage
will
silence

“Listen to yourself”

Violets
-Proserpina was gathering violets when she was taken by Apollo
-Io’s favorite food, transformed by Jupiter from Nymph to heifer
-Athens’: embellished homes and temples
-Rome: defends against drunkenness
-Athens: covers dead, symbolized the beauty and fragility of
life.
-Rome: graves of children symbol of purity and modesty

Shakespeare loved the violet. Obertan knows that if you rub the
juice of the violet on a sleeping person they will fall in love
with the first person they see upon waking.

She is shy and modest and vulnerable. Violets is the color of
spirituality. Violet represents the female.

Opel is the stone of the spirits

Moonstone – shadows dreams silent to enjoy the night.
There are three now

All so different. All so intriguing./ Such intricate idiosyn­crasies in each. Different Mannerisms to identify.

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Keeping Me in the Dark by Arcadia [1983]

Keeping Me in the Dark
When the evenings, sunlight’s fingers
Stretched across the floor.
Cover up your eyes with feathers
Softly close the door.
Take me in your heavy lips
Take me where the shadows slide
I need your blindfold secrets
Tie me fast and loose
Tie me with your secrets herein
Should not be abused
You can take me where you want
Could you take me all the thyme
Waiting, I’ll wait a little longer
don’t go too far.
I wouldn’t like, I wouldn’t like you
Keeping me in the dark.

Ant there is the truce I’m tasting
Watching you dictate
Spending nights of sleepless wonder
Things I can’t escape
We could wave the world goodbye
To all the boys – cheerio

Waiting, I’ll wait a little longer
Don’t go too far.
I wouldn’t like, I wouldn’t like
You keeping me in the dark.

Help me now I’m slipping deeper
Tell me what to say
Without words you call me closer
Each thyme you turn away

Something inside you cries
But is it something I’ll never find.
Waiting, I’ll wait a little longer
Don’t go too far.
I wouldn’t like, I wouldn’t like
You keeping me in the dark.

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Heat Beneath the Winter [1985]

The Eye for the Hidden Agenda

Part One: Preceding

I.

All this insanity started with a letter. One short letter that
directed my poor normal life to the strangest girl. The strang­
est way, and the strangest rules you could ever imagine.

Now I thought I was weird and mystical to begin with. I thought
my black hair and vivid words were a favorable gift from the
mystical gods around us. I thought the dreams were visions
showing my significance. ha. The American male ego strikes
again.

II.

Dear Mr. Stanson

Have read your book and found them…intriguing. There is heat beneath the winter. I would like to talk to you.

Will be in touch
Beth

A few sentences. I still have the scrap of yellow paper which
holds those simple words. Bland words even. Not the spicy,
elaborate verses that is my excelsior. But something about those
words were piercing and echo into my brain. Wondering who “Beth”
was and what she meant by “heat beneath my winter.”

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

blue sky comes and goes [1985]

I’m trying hard to breath this life just eats away. And the
faces that surround me they look tired today. The lady at my
table doesn’t want me here, I just want to talk to her, but she
laughs at me and makes fun of my accent. Oh it shouldn’t be like
this, blue sky comes and goes. I’m dying to be different in the
coffee shop. I live to balance strength, surprised that I got
caught and although I know my youth wont affect my years, I’m too
young to take on my deepest fears. I used to be confused, but
now I just don’t know. I just don’t know, since you left I’ve been watching blue skies come and go.

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

For Rocks by Al Young [1985]

For Rocks
by Al Young

Stay beautiful
but don’t stay underground too long
Don’t turn into a mole
or a worm
or a root
or a stone

Come on out into the sunlight
breath in trees
knock out nites
commune with snakes
and be the very hero of birds

Don’t forget to poke your head up and blink
think
walk all around
swim up stream

Don’t forget to fly

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

4540451 The Number of the New Wave [1985]

4540451: The number of the new wave.

“Lavender dreams, lavenders true. When you shall love me, I
shall love you.”

Ride the surge of the new wave.

Kira, one is silver and the other gold.

The only way out is through.
You never ever ever never let the sun shine on your face. You
stay inside so you can hide. Away from it, but you are never
really out of it sight. it will track you down. It is useless
to fight.

Welcome to MY world…there is no escape

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Feed the Mind [1988]

Feed the mind. Feed it with information about everything. Use
all the you can, get every experience that you possible can and
learn from them. Believe in the unbelievable and test the laws
of reality. If the mind is like a computer, then use up all of
the available memory, so that it will have to open up the new
realm for you. Stuff it so full of information that it is at
full capacity. A human brain uses only 10-15% of it’s available
resources, fill that percent so that more must open. They are
there and you can use them. Telepathy, pyro-kinetics, essence,
healing, and the would not yet understood by humankind are all
there for your using. Those who believe in it have it. Others
do not believe and have a smidgen of the power by chance. They
are confused and feel lost. The power is sporadic because it is
not practiced. Those that have the power”know” that what they
have is “not real” so they keep quiet and don’t tell anyone, let
they be seen as “crazy.” These people quietly feel that they are
insane. They have a gift, and fear it. This is a most disap­
pointing thing to see. I want to prove to these people that they
are OK. That this type of occurrence happens and to show them
how to use it. It will take thyme and many years of practice,
trial and error. But it can and NEEDS to be done. I will teach,
I will learn, I believe.

(Written somethyme in the summer of 1988)

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Arcadia [1982]

Arcadia: (1) an ancient pastoral district of the C Peloponnesus
(2) prefecture of the C Peloponeses of modern Greece, and the
Aegean (3) any place of rural peace and simplicity

Arcadian – a person of simple habits or tastes

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Civil Disobediance – Thoreau [1984 is when I found it]

“The mass of men serve the state thus, not as men mainly, but as machines, with their bodies. They are the standing army, and the militia, jailer, constables, posse, comitatus, etc. In most cases there is no free exercise whatever of the judgment or of the moral sense; but they put themselves on a level with wood and earth and stones; and wooden men can perhaps be manufactured that will serve the purpose well. Such command no more respect than men of straw or a lump of dirt. They have the same sort of worth only as horses and dogs. Yet such as these even are com­monly esteemed good citizens. Others–as most legislators, politicians, lawyers, ministers, and office-holders–serve the state chiefly with their heads; and , as they rarely make any moral distinctions, they are as likely to serve the Devil, with­out intending it, as God. A very few, as heroes, patriots, mar­tyrs, reformers in the great sense, and men, serve the state with their consciences also, and so necessarily resist it for the most part; and they are commonly treated as enemies by it.”

Henry David Thoreau

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Diablo by Arcadia [1983]

So far away
Oh nite, let the devil do our pain
Our souls is lost and el Diablo is to blame

Steal away our souls to the nite of dreams
Oh el Diablo, el Diablo won’t you sell me back my soul
Oh el Diablo, el Diablo won’t you sell me back my soul?

Riding on this dark
she can dance
she can sing
she can tear your heart away
while the promise still lies in the flames
and you must return from so far away.

For so long, el Diablo is to blame
But the devil is in my way

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Violets [1987]

Here in this house, house of grief and loneliness. Of beaten down goals and desires. i want to leave it all behind, but it will never leave.

Where is the path of happiness? Where did if go beneath my feet?
I look around and see the animals of the herd. I trudge on,
developing my new path, slashing my way, ripped by the briars,
bitten by insects, onto what? I don’t know. I’m lonely and my
house is still here. But maybe I’ll lose it on the way through
this mess. Because I will not stop until I find my own Eden.
Majick is everywhere
in your teapot, in the sash about your waist
in the moon above and within you.

4 powers of the Magus
knowledge
courage
will
silence

“Listen to yourself”

Violets
-Proserpina was gathering violets when she was taken by Apollo
-Io’s favorite food, transformed by Jupiter from Nymph to heifer
-Athens’: embellished homes and temples
-Rome: defends against drunkenness
-Athens: covers dead, symbolized the beauty and fragility of
life.
-Rome: graves of children symbol of purity and modesty

Shakespeare loved the violet. Obertan knows that if you rub the
juice of the violet on a sleeping person they will fall in love
with the first person they see upon waking.

She is shy and modest and vulnerable. Violets is the color of
spirituality. Violet represents the female.

Opel is the stone of the spirits

Moonstone – shadows dreams silent to enjoy the night.
There are three now

All so different. All so intriguing./ Such intricate idiosyn­crasies in each. Different Mannerisms to identify.

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Keeping Me in the Dark by Arcadia [1983]

Keeping Me in the Dark
When the evenings, sunlight’s fingers
Stretched across the floor.
Cover up your eyes with feathers
Softly close the door.
Take me in your heavy lips
Take me where the shadows slide
I need your blindfold secrets
Tie me fast and loose
Tie me with your secrets herein
Should not be abused
You can take me where you want
Could you take me all the thyme
Waiting, I’ll wait a little longer
don’t go too far.
I wouldn’t like, I wouldn’t like you
Keeping me in the dark.

Ant there is the truce I’m tasting
Watching you dictate
Spending nights of sleepless wonder
Things I can’t escape
We could wave the world goodbye
To all the boys – cheerio

Waiting, I’ll wait a little longer
Don’t go too far.
I wouldn’t like, I wouldn’t like
You keeping me in the dark.

Help me now I’m slipping deeper
Tell me what to say
Without words you call me closer
Each thyme you turn away

Something inside you cries
But is it something I’ll never find.
Waiting, I’ll wait a little longer
Don’t go too far.
I wouldn’t like, I wouldn’t like
You keeping me in the dark.

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Heat Beneath the Winter [1985]

The Eye for the Hidden Agenda

Part One: Preceding

I.

All this insanity started with a letter. One short letter that
directed my poor normal life to the strangest girl. The strang­
est way, and the strangest rules you could ever imagine.

Now I thought I was weird and mystical to begin with. I thought
my black hair and vivid words were a favorable gift from the
mystical gods around us. I thought the dreams were visions
showing my significance. ha. The American male ego strikes
again.

II.

Dear Mr. Stanson

Have read your book and found them…intriguing. There is heat beneath the winter. I would like to talk to you.

Will be in touch
Beth

A few sentences. I still have the scrap of yellow paper which
holds those simple words. Bland words even. Not the spicy,
elaborate verses that is my excelsior. But something about those
words were piercing and echo into my brain. Wondering who “Beth”
was and what she meant by “heat beneath my winter.”

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

blue sky comes and goes [1985]

I’m trying hard to breath this life just eats away. And the
faces that surround me they look tired today. The lady at my
table doesn’t want me here, I just want to talk to her, but she
laughs at me and makes fun of my accent. Oh it shouldn’t be like
this, blue sky comes and goes. I’m dying to be different in the
coffee shop. I live to balance strength, surprised that I got
caught and although I know my youth wont affect my years, I’m too
young to take on my deepest fears. I used to be confused, but
now I just don’t know. I just don’t know, since you left I’ve been watching blue skies come and go.

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

For Rocks by Al Young [1985]

For Rocks
by Al Young

Stay beautiful
but don’t stay underground too long
Don’t turn into a mole
or a worm
or a root
or a stone

Come on out into the sunlight
breath in trees
knock out nites
commune with snakes
and be the very hero of birds

Don’t forget to poke your head up and blink
think
walk all around
swim up stream

Don’t forget to fly

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

4540451 The Number of the New Wave [1985]

4540451: The number of the new wave.

“Lavender dreams, lavenders true. When you shall love me, I
shall love you.”

Ride the surge of the new wave.

Kira, one is silver and the other gold.

The only way out is through.
You never ever ever never let the sun shine on your face. You
stay inside so you can hide. Away from it, but you are never
really out of it sight. it will track you down. It is useless
to fight.

Welcome to MY world…there is no escape

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Feed the Mind [1988]

Feed the mind. Feed it with information about everything. Use
all the you can, get every experience that you possible can and
learn from them. Believe in the unbelievable and test the laws
of reality. If the mind is like a computer, then use up all of
the available memory, so that it will have to open up the new
realm for you. Stuff it so full of information that it is at
full capacity. A human brain uses only 10-15% of it’s available
resources, fill that percent so that more must open. They are
there and you can use them. Telepathy, pyro-kinetics, essence,
healing, and the would not yet understood by humankind are all
there for your using. Those who believe in it have it. Others
do not believe and have a smidgen of the power by chance. They
are confused and feel lost. The power is sporadic because it is
not practiced. Those that have the power”know” that what they
have is “not real” so they keep quiet and don’t tell anyone, let
they be seen as “crazy.” These people quietly feel that they are
insane. They have a gift, and fear it. This is a most disap­
pointing thing to see. I want to prove to these people that they
are OK. That this type of occurrence happens and to show them
how to use it. It will take thyme and many years of practice,
trial and error. But it can and NEEDS to be done. I will teach,
I will learn, I believe.

(Written somethyme in the summer of 1988)

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Erich… [1984]

Eric,

So as the day and the flowers bloom
they fade.
And all that is left of the bloom
is the memory.

And if to go back to see the bloom
they should not.
The bloom is now wilted
And the field has grown over
so all that remains is the weeds.

And the briars…

The briars with sharps to prick the soul
to scrape open the old wounds

Can you leave them alone?
Let a memory past rest in its pleasantness.
Or must you trudge through the swamps to get to a briar patch
where the field used to be?

The violet is gone
but the pain still remains…

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Arcadia [1982]

Arcadia: (1) an ancient pastoral district of the C Peloponnesus
(2) prefecture of the C Peloponeses of modern Greece, and the
Aegean (3) any place of rural peace and simplicity

Arcadian – a person of simple habits or tastes

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Civil Disobediance – Thoreau [1984 is when I found it]

“The mass of men serve the state thus, not as men mainly, but as machines, with their bodies. They are the standing army, and the militia, jailer, constables, posse, comitatus, etc. In most cases there is no free exercise whatever of the judgment or of the moral sense; but they put themselves on a level with wood and earth and stones; and wooden men can perhaps be manufactured that will serve the purpose well. Such command no more respect than men of straw or a lump of dirt. They have the same sort of worth only as horses and dogs. Yet such as these even are com­monly esteemed good citizens. Others–as most legislators, politicians, lawyers, ministers, and office-holders–serve the state chiefly with their heads; and , as they rarely make any moral distinctions, they are as likely to serve the Devil, with­out intending it, as God. A very few, as heroes, patriots, mar­tyrs, reformers in the great sense, and men, serve the state with their consciences also, and so necessarily resist it for the most part; and they are commonly treated as enemies by it.”

Henry David Thoreau

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Diablo by Arcadia [1983]

So far away
Oh nite, let the devil do our pain
Our souls is lost and el Diablo is to blame

Steal away our souls to the nite of dreams
Oh el Diablo, el Diablo won’t you sell me back my soul
Oh el Diablo, el Diablo won’t you sell me back my soul?

Riding on this dark
she can dance
she can sing
she can tear your heart away
while the promise still lies in the flames
and you must return from so far away.

For so long, el Diablo is to blame
But the devil is in my way

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Lady Ice [arcadia] [1983]

ARCADIA

Lady Ice

Lady Ice slips into your soul.
Lady Ice leaves the house so cold.
Lady Ice, did you know that the world was lonely too?

Drifting snow, searching plains and highs
Turing stones, as she looks for the heart somebody stole.

She knows the violation
Lovers arms with allocation.
Who knows where to find the true heart for Lady Ice.

Mesmerized in the candle flame.
Compromise, by the cruel men who steal around her brain.

She knows the desolation
Of lovers arms, their isolation.
And who knows where to find the true heart for Lady Ice.

Lady’s eyes slip away from the part she plays in school.
She knows the roads and hideaways
Suppose she knows the thymes away.
She knows where to find the true heart for Lady Ice.

Lady Ice, step outside your soul.
Lady Ice, do you know that the world is frightened too?

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

The story of Swan – Part 1 [1982]

[authors note 030206: I know this is kind of a clunky story. Hey, I was 12, cut me some slack...]

The story of Swan – Part 1

This is the story of a young Swan. A questioning scamp of a very
unique girl. A girl who although on the clinical brink of unsan­
ity still had a bright flame of hope for the world. She lived
alone. Although she had a “mother” and a “father” who tried so
hard to give her the picture perfect world to live in, she was
alone. Swan didn’t care about outside looks. She rather deal
with the abrasive reality of her life. She outgrew her peter pan
father by the thyme she was 5. His maturity level frustrated
her. By the age of 8 she had come to and understand that she
would have to leave her father behind in his own little world in
order for her to grow. It was difficult to do and often thymes
she loather and wanted to kill her father for his inability to
comprehend her. But in general she just felt as if she didn’t
have a father. She felt that was her best approach.

Swans mother tried her best to play the “perfect wife and mother
” facade to try to give Swan a proper upbringing. But Swan
always saw into people. She felt what they felt and she saw the
truth. The truth that her parents has a loveless marriage. Once
more a burden that anything else. Swan never could see why they
didn’t just separate and go their own ways rather that being drug
down by the others hate. So with Swan’s mother in her little
perfect world and her father who refused to grow up swan really
did live alone. Swan grew up fast. People mistook the 13 year
old for many years older. Because of her maturity she didn’t get
along with most of the people in school/ The mall and shopping
were among her least favorite activities. She enjoyed nature.
She believed that the weather directly affected your health, and
mood. When it was gray and cold you feel gray and cold and when
it is sunny you feel sunny. Swans utterly reflected the days.

Adults could talk to Swan but more often Swam intimidated and
confused adults. They couldn’t understand the little genius
ability to thing beyond McDonald and hear her talk about subjects
that were beyond the selfish scope of the average teen. So swan
accepted her uniqueness with great pride. She saw it as nature’s
gift to her and she treasured this gift. She liked being able to
talk to the birds and animals better than 13 year old anyway.
She just walked through life absorbing and learning.

When she was 15 she had taken a habit of trailing through the
national park by her home. Taking nature walks. Every Sunday
and usually during the week she would set off through the forest
with a knapsack of fruit and veggies and rice cakes and water and
pens and would spend the day exploring any newfoundland that she
could. Although the woods were often thick and confusing swan
never took a compass and she never got lost. She had one in her
head she said. She usually know how to get back where she wanted
and if by change she stayed out too late and it got dark the
trees would tell her how to escape. She would have just assumed
stay the nite in the woods depths she knew that the trees and
animals would protect her, but her perfect mother would be wor­ried and furious. So she’d run home as fast as she could.
Thinking of her days adventure all the way.

While out walking one day Swan sat down in a grassy area to watch
some beavers heartily at work making a dam. Swan took out her
pens to draw, not the beaver scene but what she felt inside as
she watched those beavers.

Across the meadow and into the woods Trey sat watching her. He
had come to the woods as an escape from his problems at home.
but now as it was swan who attracted his attentions. He sat on a
rock and watched her.

Just then one of the beavers ran out of logs. It scampered away
from the river and over towards Swan searching for new building
material. Trey could hardly believe what he saw next. Swan
found a scrub of branches within her reach. She turned and
grasped one and held it up. The beaver then tuned in Swans
directions and ran to her. He raised up on his hind legs and
Swan gave him the branch and pointed towards the scrub. The
beaver chatter in approval and Swan got up and picked up the
scrub and brought it to the spot next to the river where the
second beaver busied itself organizing and constructing the new
home. The first beaver picked up the stick that Swan gave to it
and scurried off to the sight where Swan had carried the scrub..
The beaver chattered some more then rushed to Swan and rubbed
against her legs in appreciation. Swan reached down and gave him
a good solid rub on the belly. The beaver chattered his thanks
and the wend back to her spot in the meadow.

Trey could hardly believe this array of communication. Human and
animals helping each other seemed a paradox. He had to find out
how she did it.

The beavers stopped and dove into the summer water. Swan looked
up startled and knew that she was not alone. She saw a young man
walk out of a dark thicket in the woods no more that 20 yards
from her.

——————

Cacique [1985]

Cacique…

Meticulous, yet with horrendous spelling I sprawl and envision the things of the mist.

The beauty too fine to hold onto sifting through your fingers as you watch helplessly as it slips away

To loves won and lost on the table of phantasy, where the stakes are much too high but the points are not real.

To the lives you have lived only in your mind and the following footfalls that never seem to arrive

To the places you have never been, to the people that don’t exist
And the love letters you’ve never written to them. But it
Doesn’t matter much because you wouldn’t have known what to say anyway

It is this at the Inn of the Dreamers, the end of the imagined
And the beginning of all that might be there

So put on your gown and step into the ballroom and weave and
Intricate web of mysteries here with me.

Here in Cacique.
Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Song [1985]

Song…

And she marches, marches to a different drum
and she marches, marches while I sing this song.
And she marches, marches while I sing this song.
And I smile, smile while I think of you.
But only inside.
For what you they find
and what would they do
If only they knew
That I was like you too.
That I march to that different drum
The one that they can hear.
the one that they all fear
If only they knew, that I was like you too.
like you too.
Why why why
always questions
always lies

pouting like a little boy
how you give me little joy

when days end brings trouble nigh
it makes me want to run and hide

not rational available at this thyme
just feeling like a tarnished dime

old old old

somethymes you feel so empty
and the room feels so close
and as I hold on to you
I know you’re not the one

And if you tell me you love
if it’s your love you profess
then there’s something you should know
something I must confess

When the lights are low
and I whisper to you
as you make love to me
I wish you knew what I knew

Your touch it is too rough
too bulky and coarse
I control you so much
but I do not use force

words are weapons as well
if only you knew
they put me through hell
but i do hear so few

misguided you are
and always will be
as much as i love you
you can not be for me

you hurt me so much
with your words and your touch
you don’t thing you give
when you give far too much

Badgering spending insecure
why not return until you want to leave
let me grow into a bit strong oak
don’t cut my limbs
or cut me down

let me learn and live and love and laugh
with freedom and acceptance to be me
don’t hold me back or clip my wings
keep my strength and smile upon it

like the radiant,- life-giving sun
forever loving , yet never interfering
silent, yet so needed

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Darkest Eyes [87]

I see this girl
walking down the street
where does she go
who does she meet

He gait is strong
her head is proud
a face so brilliant
amongst the crowd

And each day this girl
who walks at night
appears to me
as such a sight

she doesn’t notice me
she’s not concerned with that
this girl who wears black stockings
and a purple hat

she walks to a silent song
that only she can hear
she marches to a different beat
one she hears so clear.

I admire this girl
in silence
just as she passes by each evening
with her moonlight face
darkest eyes

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Trip [102789]

102789
Trip

Suddenly, with out prior warning. I realized that the drug had finally hit me. The Joe’s flanked me, one on each side as I realized I was hearing both of them speaking simultaneously, but I was hearing and understanding them as it they were separate.

Then I tasted it. The parsley I was eating spiked my mouth with it’s undiluted freshness. The cookie on the other hand tasted as if it were no I that was consuming it. It tasted flat and acidic. But the tasted were not mixed as the foods undoubtedly were. The left side of my mouth was tasting the parsley and hearing Joe Bassplayer quite keenly, while the right side of my mouth was hearing Joe G. and tasting the repulsive cookie.

It was remarkable. I felt as if my brain had split down the center and had separated me into two completely separate people reside in the same form. Each able to hear, think, feel and taste for themselves. The only sense that I felt united was in sight which is uncanny because I feel separate in that aspect under normal conditions.

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Lavender by Marillion [090189]

They sing a song for you
The one I wanted to write for you
Are you true for your love
Are you you for your love
Lavenders green, Lavenders blue
When you love me
I will love you

A penny for your thoughts my dear

Lavenders dreams, Lavenders true
When I am King, you will be queen

I was walking in the park
Dreaming of a spark.
Then I heard the sprinklers hiss
in the haze of summers lost.

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

Lady Ice [arcadia] [1983]

ARCADIA

Lady Ice

Lady Ice slips into your soul.
Lady Ice leaves the house so cold.
Lady Ice, did you know that the world was lonely too?

Drifting snow, searching plains and highs
Turing stones, as she looks for the heart somebody stole.

She knows the violation
Lovers arms with allocation.
Who knows where to find the true heart for Lady Ice.

Mesmerized in the candle flame.
Compromise, by the cruel men who steal around her brain.

She knows the desolation
Of lovers arms, their isolation.
And who knows where to find the true heart for Lady Ice.

Lady’s eyes slip away from the part she plays in school.
She knows the roads and hideaways
Suppose she knows the thymes away.
She knows where to find the true heart for Lady Ice.

Lady Ice, step outside your soul.
Lady Ice, do you know that the world is frightened too?

Date: January 1st, 1990
Cate: life the universe and everything

The story of Swan – Part 1 [1982]

[authors note 030206: I know this is kind of a clunky story. Hey, I was 12, cut me some slack...]

The story of Swan – Part 1

This is the story of a young Swan. A questioning scamp of a very
unique girl. A girl who although on the clinical brink of unsan­
ity still had a bright flame of hope for the world. She lived
alone. Although she had a “mother” and a “father” who tried so
hard to give her the picture perfect world to live in, she was
alone. Swan didn’t care about outside looks. She rather deal
with the abrasive reality of her life. She outgrew her peter pan
father by the thyme she was 5. His maturity level frustrated
her. By the age of 8 she had come to and understand that she
would have to leave her father behind in his own little world in
order for her to grow. It was difficult to do and often thymes
she loather and wanted to kill her father for his inability to
comprehend her. But in general she just felt as if she didn’t
have a father. She felt that was her best approach.

Swans mother tried her best to play the “perfect wife and mother
” facade to try to give Swan a proper upbringing. But Swan
always saw into people. She felt what they felt and she saw the
truth. The truth that her parents has a loveless marriage. Once
more a burden that anything else. Swan never could see why they
didn’t just separate and go their own ways rather that being drug
down by the others hate. So with Swan’s mother in her little
perfect world and her father who refused to grow up swan really
did live alone. Swan grew up fast. People mistook the 13 year
old for many years older. Because of her maturity she didn’t get
along with most of the people in school/ The mall and shopping
were among her least favorite activities. She enjoyed nature.
She believed that the weather directly affected your health, and
mood. When it was gray and cold you feel gray and cold and when
it is sunny you feel sunny. Swans utterly reflected the days.

Adults could talk to Swan but more often Swam intimidated and
confused adults. They couldn’t understand the little genius
ability to thing beyond McDonald and hear her talk about subjects
that were beyond the selfish scope of the average teen. So swan
accepted her uniqueness with great pride. She saw it as nature’s
gift to her and she treasured this gift. She liked being able to
talk to the birds and animals better than 13 year old anyway.
She just walked through life absorbing and learning.

When she was 15 she had taken a habit of trailing through the
national park by her home. Taking nature walks. Every Sunday
and usually during the week she would set off through the forest
with a knapsack of fruit and veggies and rice cakes and water and
pens and would spend the day exploring any newfoundland that she
could. Although the woods were often thick and confusing swan
never took a compass and she never got lost. She had one in her
head she said. She usually know how to get back where she wanted
and if by change she stayed out too late and it got dark the
trees would tell her how to escape. She would have just assumed
stay the nite in the woods depths she knew that the trees and
animals would protect her, but her perfect mother would be wor­ried and furious. So she’d run home as fast as she could.
Thinking of her days adventure all the way.

While out walking one day Swan sat down in a grassy area to watch
some beavers heartily at work making a dam. Swan took out her
pens to draw, not the beaver scene but what she felt inside as
she watched those beavers.

Across the meadow and into the woods Trey sat watching her. He
had come to the woods as an escape from his problems at home.
but now as it was swan who attracted his attentions. He sat on a
rock and watched her.

Just then one of the beavers ran out of logs. It scampered away
from the river and over towards Swan searching for new building
material. Trey could hardly believe what he saw next. Swan
found a scrub of branches within her reach. She turned and
grasped one and held it up. The beaver then tuned in Swans
directions and ran to her. He raised up on his hind legs and
Swan gave him the branch and pointed towards the scrub. The
beaver chatter in approval and Swan got up and picked up the
scrub and brought it to the spot next to the river where the
second beaver busied itself organizing and constructing the new
home. The first beaver picked up the stick that Swan gave to it
and scurried off to the sight where Swan had carried the scrub..
The beaver chattered some more then rushed to Swan and rubbed
against her legs in appreciation. Swan reached down and gave him
a good solid rub on the belly. The beaver chattered his thanks
and the wend back to her spot in the meadow.

Trey could hardly believe this array of communication. Human and
animals helping each other seemed a paradox. He had to find out
how she did it.

The beavers stopped and dove into the summer water. Swan looked
up startled and knew that she was not alone. She saw a young man
walk out of a dark thicket in the woods no more that 20 yards
from her.

——————