Words to the Cosmos

Like the Cold if you were Dead… [032191]

// March 21st, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

32191 Thurs-Cure-Plainsong

“Like the cold if you were dead.” At the edge of the world lies
the dreaming, Just our of sight, over the horizon line. You can
reach it but you can never hold it. It is yours, all of it
belongs to you so long as you never ask to take possession of it.
For it belongs to no deity, least of all a mortal such as your
self. And the plainsong continues again and again.
So equal we ate that I realize that I don’t know how to deal with
myself. Our goals, ambitions and terms so perfectly matched that
we shall drive ourselves mad with our own idiosyncrasies and
imperfections. So perfect we are that the love we manufacture
can’t ever be created by a union with another. never break the
picture. Let it lie like a translucent vellum acetate sheet over
the reality that is ours. Our lives transcend the life into a
slice of nirvana. Just like heaven. With you i can tune out
most of life’s static and just enjoy the afterglows of every
thing.

Cruise News! God, this is not for me. A bunch of uppity, white
folks being waited hand and foot by a bunch of underpaid foreign
workers. People flaunting money that they don’t have, to impress
people that they will never see again. Old folks playing bingo
and shuffleboard and dancing to swing polka. Dumpy people and
flowered shirts, khaki walking shorts and knee-hi athletic socks
sipping noisy on pina-colodas or yellowbirds or some other
“exotic” tropical drink. Red heads burning from overexposure to
the sun on the first day and yuck. Not for me. The Love Boat.

I prefer my existence thank you. Not that it is better in any
way. It is simply the way that I like, Las Vegas shows with
girls in sequins and g-strings who can’t dance. Overweight,
overage Italian tenors overripe from last season engagement at
trumps Castle.

Like the Cold if you were Dead… [032191]

// March 21st, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

32191 Thurs-Cure-Plainsong

“Like the cold if you were dead.” At the edge of the world lies
the dreaming, Just our of sight, over the horizon line. You can
reach it but you can never hold it. It is yours, all of it
belongs to you so long as you never ask to take possession of it.
For it belongs to no deity, least of all a mortal such as your
self. And the plainsong continues again and again.
So equal we ate that I realize that I don’t know how to deal with
myself. Our goals, ambitions and terms so perfectly matched that
we shall drive ourselves mad with our own idiosyncrasies and
imperfections. So perfect we are that the love we manufacture
can’t ever be created by a union with another. never break the
picture. Let it lie like a translucent vellum acetate sheet over
the reality that is ours. Our lives transcend the life into a
slice of nirvana. Just like heaven. With you i can tune out
most of life’s static and just enjoy the afterglows of every
thing.

Cruise News! God, this is not for me. A bunch of uppity, white
folks being waited hand and foot by a bunch of underpaid foreign
workers. People flaunting money that they don’t have, to impress
people that they will never see again. Old folks playing bingo
and shuffleboard and dancing to swing polka. Dumpy people and
flowered shirts, khaki walking shorts and knee-hi athletic socks
sipping noisy on pina-colodas or yellowbirds or some other
“exotic” tropical drink. Red heads burning from overexposure to
the sun on the first day and yuck. Not for me. The Love Boat.

I prefer my existence thank you. Not that it is better in any
way. It is simply the way that I like, Las Vegas shows with
girls in sequins and g-strings who can’t dance. Overweight,
overage Italian tenors overripe from last season engagement at
trumps Castle.

SS Norway – Pissed off at Dad [032091]

// March 20th, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

…Faith in Troubled Thymes.
“I wonder why we waste our lives here, when we can run away to
paradise.” -Wang Chung-
“To Live and Die in LA”

32091-Wed-11P-SS NORWAY

ANGER…..No, hurt. Hurt, Frustration. Why can’t I get through
such an ignorant man. Magnified apples. Do you see what I see?
I think not. You never let me be a child. You robbed me of my
youth to extend yours you bastard. Never let me enjoy being
female or young.

SS Norway – Pissed off at Dad [032091]

// March 20th, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

…Faith in Troubled Thymes.
“I wonder why we waste our lives here, when we can run away to
paradise.” -Wang Chung-
“To Live and Die in LA”

32091-Wed-11P-SS NORWAY

ANGER…..No, hurt. Hurt, Frustration. Why can’t I get through
such an ignorant man. Magnified apples. Do you see what I see?
I think not. You never let me be a child. You robbed me of my
youth to extend yours you bastard. Never let me enjoy being
female or young.

Letter to Eric written on a cruise ship – Spring Break 1991

// March 16th, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

(ERIC & KRYS SYMBOL AS ONE)

31691:1041p
Eric.

Hi you! I am writing this on Saturday night. You and Matt are
probably on your way to Carols now. Me, I am on a boat, a big
boat. A boat with a mall in it’s center. A very big boat. I
don’t know if you will receive this letter before I get home or
not, but hopefully you will.

Don’t ‘cha just love this stationary (notebook paper) and isn’t
this ballpoint pen (Papermate blue Write Bros.) just to die for?
Thank you right back to passing notes in high school. Ah, nos­
talgia. Well I finished the “Woodpecker” book. I thought it was
great! It made so much sense by not making sense at all. Gib­
blesnab.

On the plane to Miami I had a strawberry for breakfast. It was a
single scarlet berry on this plate of melon and citrus. It
reminded me of you. It was such a delicacy. So succulent and
juicy and it was gone before I really knew how much I liked it.
After that berry, all the accompanying fruit simply lacked.

This 20 hour abduction of yours had better come soon. You have
take that as a threat if you like. A pretty good threat consid­
ering the repercussions of it. Anyway, keep that in mind this
week while I get to phantasize about my brief interludes with my
priest.

Thanks again for letting me borrow your Walkman and tapes. It is
glued to my head right now. I’m listening to that “HIPSHIT” tape
and am getting subtle acid scratches (flashbacks if you will)
fairly nice I might say. I can’t wait ’till this summer when it
is warm and us two fryguys can give our inhibitions to the wind.
maybe you’ll even have an apartment and I can listen to all your
awesome and niftitious tapes on a “quality sound system.”

Well, that is it for now. Signing off soul friend of mine. Take
care and I’ll see your mystical soul on Saturday.

031691

// March 16th, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Game player. Like someone else I knew. Be careful, you only get
5 cards in this game. I’ve been at this game much longer than
you. I am a much better player. I am not threatened. I feel
for whatever makes you the way that you are. Feeling hurts a
hell of a lot more but at least you are in control instead of
just thinking you are. You think I’m playing with fire, but
actually you are just nuclear waste.
3-16-91:756a

Letter to Eric written on a cruise ship – Spring Break 1991

// March 16th, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

(ERIC & KRYS SYMBOL AS ONE)

31691:1041p
Eric.

Hi you! I am writing this on Saturday night. You and Matt are
probably on your way to Carols now. Me, I am on a boat, a big
boat. A boat with a mall in it’s center. A very big boat. I
don’t know if you will receive this letter before I get home or
not, but hopefully you will.

Don’t ‘cha just love this stationary (notebook paper) and isn’t
this ballpoint pen (Papermate blue Write Bros.) just to die for?
Thank you right back to passing notes in high school. Ah, nos­
talgia. Well I finished the “Woodpecker” book. I thought it was
great! It made so much sense by not making sense at all. Gib­
blesnab.

On the plane to Miami I had a strawberry for breakfast. It was a
single scarlet berry on this plate of melon and citrus. It
reminded me of you. It was such a delicacy. So succulent and
juicy and it was gone before I really knew how much I liked it.
After that berry, all the accompanying fruit simply lacked.

This 20 hour abduction of yours had better come soon. You have
take that as a threat if you like. A pretty good threat consid­
ering the repercussions of it. Anyway, keep that in mind this
week while I get to phantasize about my brief interludes with my
priest.

Thanks again for letting me borrow your Walkman and tapes. It is
glued to my head right now. I’m listening to that “HIPSHIT” tape
and am getting subtle acid scratches (flashbacks if you will)
fairly nice I might say. I can’t wait ’till this summer when it
is warm and us two fryguys can give our inhibitions to the wind.
maybe you’ll even have an apartment and I can listen to all your
awesome and niftitious tapes on a “quality sound system.”

Well, that is it for now. Signing off soul friend of mine. Take
care and I’ll see your mystical soul on Saturday.

031691

// March 16th, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Game player. Like someone else I knew. Be careful, you only get
5 cards in this game. I’ve been at this game much longer than
you. I am a much better player. I am not threatened. I feel
for whatever makes you the way that you are. Feeling hurts a
hell of a lot more but at least you are in control instead of
just thinking you are. You think I’m playing with fire, but
actually you are just nuclear waste.
3-16-91:756a

Still Life – March 1991

// March 15th, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

1104A

I just finished the book. It was great. I was so pissed when I
thought he (Woodpecker) was dead. But I should have known in a
love story of any sort (except Shakespeare) that the good guy
can’t die before getting the girl.

It had the best last line. It gave me no consolation to a lot of
my confusion. But it made perfect sense and affirmed all the
things I previously believed but hoped otherwise.

I don’t know how long it has been since I verbalized this but I
love you. O-O spaghetti-ohs.

Still Life – March 1991

// March 15th, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

1104A

I just finished the book. It was great. I was so pissed when I
thought he (Woodpecker) was dead. But I should have known in a
love story of any sort (except Shakespeare) that the good guy
can’t die before getting the girl.

It had the best last line. It gave me no consolation to a lot of
my confusion. But it made perfect sense and affirmed all the
things I previously believed but hoped otherwise.

I don’t know how long it has been since I verbalized this but I
love you. O-O spaghetti-ohs.

09111991 – Trying to make a bad hand work (First Pregnancy Fiasco, con't)

// March 11th, 1991 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Open your eyes and make your own reality. Make it work your way. On
your terms. Begin with nothing and make yourself a dream. It can
happen. I want it to happen and it will. Support yourself with
people. Make then all be around you help them and they will assist
you. Barb can develop self confidence. Bath can find comfort in
responsibility. Bird and John can promote veggies. Alternative
persons can have a haven. Akron can have good food. I can have a
baby. Why do I want a child? I want one so much. I just think that
it would be good. I realize how difficult single motherhood is but I
want to have one before I am 25. Strange but true. Six of the little
buggers. A restaurant would be the perfect place for a family.
Design could be there too. I the back room. Freelance design work
with the corporate i.d. stuff I like. No pressure from agencies.
Simple life doing things I enjoy. I thin that this would work. I
really do. No if I can just pull all the financing together I will.

Food from the co-op and mustard seed. Form relationships with every­
one. Dancers, artists, homosexuals, musicians, yuppie health freaks,
punks, deadheads, solitude, new agers, dreamers, everyone. Make it
work. Take it slow so you don’t burn out. Make it an Arcadian dream
place. Make it you sanctuary. Pressure is not anything. You have
been a lifeguard and the pressure of the responsibility of the lives
of many has been upon you. You handled being the director of the
freestyle program at Woodward and organized the program very well. I
am too responsible. I have school work and other responsibilities
kids my age might not ever have to realize ever exist. At least if I
am going to bite off more that I can chew it should be for myself.

Crone, take away this part of me that is never satisfied. That away
the part that twists and turns people into monsters to be afraid of.

Maiden, show my your sensual light. Make me tenders and blessed and
beautiful in a way that few can comprehends. Show me the goodness in
others and learn me to trust.

Mother, give me the wisdom to do what is right and responsible for all
involved. Give me the tenderness and the strength that it takes to be
as you are.

09111991 – Trying to make a bad hand work (First Pregnancy Fiasco, con’t)

// March 11th, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Open your eyes and make your own reality. Make it work your way. On
your terms. Begin with nothing and make yourself a dream. It can
happen. I want it to happen and it will. Support yourself with
people. Make then all be around you help them and they will assist
you. Barb can develop self confidence. Bath can find comfort in
responsibility. Bird and John can promote veggies. Alternative
persons can have a haven. Akron can have good food. I can have a
baby. Why do I want a child? I want one so much. I just think that
it would be good. I realize how difficult single motherhood is but I
want to have one before I am 25. Strange but true. Six of the little
buggers. A restaurant would be the perfect place for a family.
Design could be there too. I the back room. Freelance design work
with the corporate i.d. stuff I like. No pressure from agencies.
Simple life doing things I enjoy. I thin that this would work. I
really do. No if I can just pull all the financing together I will.

Food from the co-op and mustard seed. Form relationships with every­
one. Dancers, artists, homosexuals, musicians, yuppie health freaks,
punks, deadheads, solitude, new agers, dreamers, everyone. Make it
work. Take it slow so you don’t burn out. Make it an Arcadian dream
place. Make it you sanctuary. Pressure is not anything. You have
been a lifeguard and the pressure of the responsibility of the lives
of many has been upon you. You handled being the director of the
freestyle program at Woodward and organized the program very well. I
am too responsible. I have school work and other responsibilities
kids my age might not ever have to realize ever exist. At least if I
am going to bite off more that I can chew it should be for myself.

Crone, take away this part of me that is never satisfied. That away
the part that twists and turns people into monsters to be afraid of.

Maiden, show my your sensual light. Make me tenders and blessed and
beautiful in a way that few can comprehends. Show me the goodness in
others and learn me to trust.

Mother, give me the wisdom to do what is right and responsible for all
involved. Give me the tenderness and the strength that it takes to be
as you are.

Oh Succulent Strawberry (for Erich)

// March 11th, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

(On the flight down to Florida, Cruise with dad, Spring break
1991)

I had a strawberry today. One that reminded me of you.. It was
sweet and succulent and it was gone before I really knew how much
I enjoyed it.

09111991 – Trying to make a bad hand work (First Pregnancy Fiasco, con’t)

// March 11th, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Open your eyes and make your own reality. Make it work your way. On
your terms. Begin with nothing and make yourself a dream. It can
happen. I want it to happen and it will. Support yourself with
people. Make then all be around you help them and they will assist
you. Barb can develop self confidence. Bath can find comfort in
responsibility. Bird and John can promote veggies. Alternative
persons can have a haven. Akron can have good food. I can have a
baby. Why do I want a child? I want one so much. I just think that
it would be good. I realize how difficult single motherhood is but I
want to have one before I am 25. Strange but true. Six of the little
buggers. A restaurant would be the perfect place for a family.
Design could be there too. I the back room. Freelance design work
with the corporate i.d. stuff I like. No pressure from agencies.
Simple life doing things I enjoy. I thin that this would work. I
really do. No if I can just pull all the financing together I will.

Food from the co-op and mustard seed. Form relationships with every­
one. Dancers, artists, homosexuals, musicians, yuppie health freaks,
punks, deadheads, solitude, new agers, dreamers, everyone. Make it
work. Take it slow so you don’t burn out. Make it an Arcadian dream
place. Make it you sanctuary. Pressure is not anything. You have
been a lifeguard and the pressure of the responsibility of the lives
of many has been upon you. You handled being the director of the
freestyle program at Woodward and organized the program very well. I
am too responsible. I have school work and other responsibilities
kids my age might not ever have to realize ever exist. At least if I
am going to bite off more that I can chew it should be for myself.

Crone, take away this part of me that is never satisfied. That away
the part that twists and turns people into monsters to be afraid of.

Maiden, show my your sensual light. Make me tenders and blessed and
beautiful in a way that few can comprehends. Show me the goodness in
others and learn me to trust.

Mother, give me the wisdom to do what is right and responsible for all
involved. Give me the tenderness and the strength that it takes to be
as you are.

Oh Succulent Strawberry (for Erich)

// March 11th, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

(On the flight down to Florida, Cruise with dad, Spring break
1991)

I had a strawberry today. One that reminded me of you.. It was
sweet and succulent and it was gone before I really knew how much
I enjoyed it.

Escape [91]

// March 4th, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Escape

I am thinking of you and I want you to be free. No bound to me
by the binds that I am bound to the force. You may tell me to
escape but that is not simplicity. I have a purpose. A reason
and a motive. I am a tool of passion and of destruction. I am
the mother of the new world.

Many have tried to tame me. To ask questions that shouldn’t be.
I am free and liquid and I know…oh how I know.
I have killed
Passion
I have died
I appear like a falcon in the sky. A bird far out of reach. But
I appear like a sign from above. As you friend. I will show you
things in which you never knew existed. If you are afraid I will
pick your eyes away.
Silence
My heart is purple
My soul is black
Mystery
Do you love?
Beauty
I will destroy you with my love.
Blue Monday.
I will always be alone. For it is written. And I love.

Escape [91]

// March 3rd, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Escape

I am thinking of you and I want you to be free. No bound to me
by the binds that I am bound to the force. You may tell me to
escape but that is not simplicity. I have a purpose. A reason
and a motive. I am a tool of passion and of destruction. I am
the mother of the new world.

Many have tried to tame me. To ask questions that shouldn’t be.
I am free and liquid and I know…oh how I know.
I have killed
Passion
I have died
I appear like a falcon in the sky. A bird far out of reach. But
I appear like a sign from above. As you friend. I will show you
things in which you never knew existed. If you are afraid I will
pick your eyes away.
Silence
My heart is purple
My soul is black
Mystery
Do you love?
Beauty
I will destroy you with my love.
Blue Monday.
I will always be alone. For it is written. And I love.

Suckle my Breast [91]

// March 3rd, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Suckle my breast and I will stroke your hair and I will tell you
a story. A bizarre fable of love and hope and dreams and death
and fire. I will bury you with my passion so fierce that it will
make you wonder…do you love? I don’t. I am death and I have a
mirror. Would you like to take a glimpse of yourself?

I have only one question…do you love?

Lies for Protection [91]

// March 3rd, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Goodbye my love…my heart goes out to you. I never meant for
this to go so far. But love has a way of delaying things for the
heart. Please try to continue on and be happy. There are many
other beautiful people in this world. Find one and forget about
me.

Lies…deceptions and untruths. There are things so deep that
some just aren’t meant to know them. Of dirty things that bump
around in this night. I have lied for your protection

Nona [91]

// March 3rd, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Krys is gone
Nona’s back
Do you love?

Lady Ice [91]

// March 3rd, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Lady Ice.

In the shadows of the dream thyme.
I search for you

Try to blend…you cannot
We will always succeed.
In mind and in spirit
Your reality is perverse
You phantasies are guarded
We will have our
systematic destruction
of you. You fight
well. But destiny will prevail.

In thyme
slides into thyme.
Breakneck speed reverse
Down the drain, the pain
resurfaces
Forger, You can’t
The voices become all that is
Telling you things, best left for dead
You shut your eyes. Hold your ears.But they come from within.

Suckle my Breast [91]

// March 2nd, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Suckle my breast and I will stroke your hair and I will tell you
a story. A bizarre fable of love and hope and dreams and death
and fire. I will bury you with my passion so fierce that it will
make you wonder…do you love? I don’t. I am death and I have a
mirror. Would you like to take a glimpse of yourself?

I have only one question…do you love?

Lies for Protection [91]

// March 2nd, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Goodbye my love…my heart goes out to you. I never meant for
this to go so far. But love has a way of delaying things for the
heart. Please try to continue on and be happy. There are many
other beautiful people in this world. Find one and forget about
me.

Lies…deceptions and untruths. There are things so deep that
some just aren’t meant to know them. Of dirty things that bump
around in this night. I have lied for your protection

Nona [91]

// March 2nd, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Krys is gone
Nona’s back
Do you love?

Lady Ice [91]

// March 2nd, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Lady Ice.

In the shadows of the dream thyme.
I search for you

Try to blend…you cannot
We will always succeed.
In mind and in spirit
Your reality is perverse
You phantasies are guarded
We will have our
systematic destruction
of you. You fight
well. But destiny will prevail.

In thyme
slides into thyme.
Breakneck speed reverse
Down the drain, the pain
resurfaces
Forger, You can’t
The voices become all that is
Telling you things, best left for dead
You shut your eyes. Hold your ears.But they come from within.

For Galion – 1991

// March 2nd, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Oh why does it have to hurt so much to become better. Although I

realize that the relationship was at a dead end and neither of us, in

our present state could do anything to make it better, it still hurts

to let go. All the things shared and experienced and things accom

plished. To realize that it is thyme to go on and try to put my life

straight and not damage anyone else still seems impossible. Could I

keep you as an open friend. No. I can’t right now. I still want you

far too much for it to remain friendly and I can’t let that happen.

Perhaps these midnight rendezvous will be good enough. And safe

enough for now. i am unable to give in a relationship. But I feel a

need to give to friends. A need for special secrets and sharing. but

that is all. I can’t touch of be touched. I turn to stone. But to

sit and talk and share the glows within me I like. If this is wrong

stop it. I don’t want to prolong or extend pain. but if you can

handle this then I think it might be nice.

For Galion – 1991

// March 2nd, 1991 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Oh why does it have to hurt so much to become better. Although I

realize that the relationship was at a dead end and neither of us, in

our present state could do anything to make it better, it still hurts

to let go. All the things shared and experienced and things accom

plished. To realize that it is thyme to go on and try to put my life

straight and not damage anyone else still seems impossible. Could I

keep you as an open friend. No. I can’t right now. I still want you

far too much for it to remain friendly and I can’t let that happen.

Perhaps these midnight rendezvous will be good enough. And safe

enough for now. i am unable to give in a relationship. But I feel a

need to give to friends. A need for special secrets and sharing. but

that is all. I can’t touch of be touched. I turn to stone. But to

sit and talk and share the glows within me I like. If this is wrong

stop it. I don’t want to prolong or extend pain. but if you can

handle this then I think it might be nice.