Archive for January, 1992

Dream an empty dream

// January 29th, 1992 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

12992

Dream an empty dream. Is nothing as it seems? I always wonder why my
heart is so cold. Alone inside it beats in the container that I am.
It echoes through that darkness, the chasm of the damned. I have
lived my life as it would be, but I wonder why I have been chosen to
experience the things I have. To live through things other can’t
imagine and to keep inside the horrors that they have produced. Where
in my memory, what is in my past, in that void of oblivion? Six years
of my life how nothing. Where did it go?

Something that I love. I have a new feeling. A positive new feeling.
I want to make it work. I love you. Nothing compares to it or you.
You, just like heaven. I know are scarred. I am too. Always have
been. But you and I are more alike now. We have more in common and I
believe that we can make it work. My life with you. With love and
ferocious dreams. You and I forever. Never mind any others. They
are stupid and petty. Just you and I and what we care about. I love
you, help my to love you forever. It’ll be easy if you just help me
out. You are my favorite and most important thing to me in the whole
world. I realize that I never want to hurt or lose you, now or ever.

Dream an empty dream

// January 29th, 1992 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

12992

Dream an empty dream. Is nothing as it seems? I always wonder why my
heart is so cold. Alone inside it beats in the container that I am.
It echoes through that darkness, the chasm of the damned. I have
lived my life as it would be, but I wonder why I have been chosen to
experience the things I have. To live through things other can’t
imagine and to keep inside the horrors that they have produced. Where
in my memory, what is in my past, in that void of oblivion? Six years
of my life how nothing. Where did it go?

Something that I love. I have a new feeling. A positive new feeling.
I want to make it work. I love you. Nothing compares to it or you.
You, just like heaven. I know are scarred. I am too. Always have
been. But you and I are more alike now. We have more in common and I
believe that we can make it work. My life with you. With love and
ferocious dreams. You and I forever. Never mind any others. They
are stupid and petty. Just you and I and what we care about. I love
you, help my to love you forever. It’ll be easy if you just help me
out. You are my favorite and most important thing to me in the whole
world. I realize that I never want to hurt or lose you, now or ever.

12892:634p Living in fear. Afraid to love anythi…

// January 28th, 1992 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

12892:634p

Living in fear. Afraid to love anything. It will only be taken away
from you, use you, or die. Afraid to be loved, because you can’t
return the feeling. Can’t be too close, living in the mystery, enigma
and loneliness that is your life.

Purple black dreams, icicle screams. An ocean of pain bottled dis­
dain. Can you see it in my eyes? The horrors I’ve surmised. The
hate I harbor here in the choir of my mind.

Can you feel the coldness that lady ice is. Can you read the feelings
on that expressionless face? Have you heard the sobbing in her room
at night? Gave you seen the markings of her addiction to the knife?

Take care of me. I want to be little and free. I want someone to
show me how to be a child. Hold me close and make me feel safe. I am
so alone in this big, cold world.

Circle left, circle right. Give me strength, give me might. Tell me
in my dreams at night how I might better my life. End the suffering.
End the strife. As I cast this circle with my knife. I shall have an
easy life. Happiness, heath, money and more. Never will I be so
poor. In spirit and mind, body and soul. My heart must warm and be
not so cold. Don’t run away or push people aside. Learn new ways
that I haven’t tried, to make this a wonderful, magical life.

// January 28th, 1992 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

12892:634p

Living in fear. Afraid to love anything. It will only be taken away
from you, use you, or die. Afraid to be loved, because you can’t
return the feeling. Can’t be too close, living in the mystery, enigma
and loneliness that is your life.

Purple black dreams, icicle screams. An ocean of pain bottled dis­
dain. Can you see it in my eyes? The horrors I’ve surmised. The
hate I harbor here in the choir of my mind.

Can you feel the coldness that lady ice is. Can you read the feelings
on that expressionless face? Have you heard the sobbing in her room
at night? Gave you seen the markings of her addiction to the knife?

Take care of me. I want to be little and free. I want someone to
show me how to be a child. Hold me close and make me feel safe. I am
so alone in this big, cold world.

Circle left, circle right. Give me strength, give me might. Tell me
in my dreams at night how I might better my life. End the suffering.
End the strife. As I cast this circle with my knife. I shall have an
easy life. Happiness, heath, money and more. Never will I be so
poor. In spirit and mind, body and soul. My heart must warm and be
not so cold. Don’t run away or push people aside. Learn new ways
that I haven’t tried, to make this a wonderful, magical life.

// January 28th, 1992 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

12892:634p

Living in fear. Afraid to love anything. It will only be taken away
from you, use you, or die. Afraid to be loved, because you can’t
return the feeling. Can’t be too close, living in the mystery, enigma
and loneliness that is your life.

Purple black dreams, icicle screams. An ocean of pain bottled dis­
dain. Can you see it in my eyes? The horrors I’ve surmised. The
hate I harbor here in the choir of my mind.

Can you feel the coldness that lady ice is. Can you read the feelings
on that expressionless face? Have you heard the sobbing in her room
at night? Gave you seen the markings of her addiction to the knife?

Take care of me. I want to be little and free. I want someone to
show me how to be a child. Hold me close and make me feel safe. I am
so alone in this big, cold world.

Circle left, circle right. Give me strength, give me might. Tell me
in my dreams at night how I might better my life. End the suffering.
End the strife. As I cast this circle with my knife. I shall have an
easy life. Happiness, heath, money and more. Never will I be so
poor. In spirit and mind, body and soul. My heart must warm and be
not so cold. Don’t run away or push people aside. Learn new ways
that I haven’t tried, to make this a wonderful, magical life.

In the corridor of the dreaming

// January 28th, 1992 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

In the corridor of the dreaming I sit. My back straight against and
invisible abyss. i smell the musky incense that smolders inside. I
hear the mummers of the silenced that have not learned. I see my
priest in front of me. his eyes piercing into my soul. I am instant­
ly barred. i do not know what I feel. I feel naked yet I cannot
cover myself. The corners of his mouth turn upwards and he out­
stretches his hand to me. I am warm and beautiful and next to him I
walk in pride. We walk together in silence. The murmurs still there,
but bowing to us. We go into the sanctuary. The silenced cannot
reach us here. This is our place. He lay me down and I lay before
him. Always the eyes. They are half closed as he blesses and conse­
crates the host. Then he prepared to enter the temple. An XTC builds
in the faith. An energy unmatched. I am yours and you are mine, we
are one in each other. The priestess and the priest committing an act
of supreme faith, in sacrilege.

In the corridor of the dreaming

// January 28th, 1992 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

In the corridor of the dreaming I sit. My back straight against and
invisible abyss. i smell the musky incense that smolders inside. I
hear the mummers of the silenced that have not learned. I see my
priest in front of me. his eyes piercing into my soul. I am instant­
ly barred. i do not know what I feel. I feel naked yet I cannot
cover myself. The corners of his mouth turn upwards and he out­
stretches his hand to me. I am warm and beautiful and next to him I
walk in pride. We walk together in silence. The murmurs still there,
but bowing to us. We go into the sanctuary. The silenced cannot
reach us here. This is our place. He lay me down and I lay before
him. Always the eyes. They are half closed as he blesses and conse­
crates the host. Then he prepared to enter the temple. An XTC builds
in the faith. An energy unmatched. I am yours and you are mine, we
are one in each other. The priestess and the priest committing an act
of supreme faith, in sacrilege.