Archive for July, 1992

Why I can't love you… (on the backside-slide of JoeG)

// July 2nd, 1992 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Why I can’t love you…

You say that love take work. That both people have to compromise and compensate to make it work. But I see you wanting to do whatever you please and I see you wanting to control me. I have a fragile mental state as it. You cannot toy with it or it will crumble. You say you want to make money to have a family and to take care of me, but don’t you realize that all you do by raising income by drugs is raise doubts in my mind that you will ever be able to provide for me or a family. Don’t you realize that we already have a broken family. A dead child.

A child we never gave life to but that haunts my head and can bring tears instantly to my eyes. Don’t you realize that I hurt more that anything you have ever experienced. Don’t you want to make that hurt go away? If you do then why do you constantly test and tease me and make the hurt compound. I lost my childhood, my memory, my choice of sexuality, my best friend, my family and from thyme to thyme my mind.

I can’t stand another loss and my fragile mind will protect against anything that threatens its stability. The thread of losing you is real, no matter what you think. It is always no more that is chance away. You walk the edge and I cannot allow myself to get close to someone else’s edge. I know how it feels to walk a tightrope. I like the feeling too. But I would never drag another out onto that thread­ed wire with me. It becomes to shaky and we both might fall, or worse, you might fall with me out there, then I have no one to hold onto and I watch you go down. I am alone and standing on someone else’s tightrope. It isn’t fair. Although you want me there, I know that you can see this. Come to your senses and stop being selfish.

When you are ready, chances are that I will still love you. But allow me the thyme and the ability to make my own choices and live my own life in the mean thyme. Otherwise, if you want to be together, stop what you are doing that makes me uncomfortable. Become the mailman and work honestly. I cant handle anything else.

Why I can’t love you… (on the backside-slide of JoeG)

// July 2nd, 1992 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Why I can’t love you…

You say that love take work. That both people have to compromise and compensate to make it work. But I see you wanting to do whatever you please and I see you wanting to control me. I have a fragile mental state as it. You cannot toy with it or it will crumble. You say you want to make money to have a family and to take care of me, but don’t you realize that all you do by raising income by drugs is raise doubts in my mind that you will ever be able to provide for me or a family. Don’t you realize that we already have a broken family. A dead child.

A child we never gave life to but that haunts my head and can bring tears instantly to my eyes. Don’t you realize that I hurt more that anything you have ever experienced. Don’t you want to make that hurt go away? If you do then why do you constantly test and tease me and make the hurt compound. I lost my childhood, my memory, my choice of sexuality, my best friend, my family and from thyme to thyme my mind.

I can’t stand another loss and my fragile mind will protect against anything that threatens its stability. The thread of losing you is real, no matter what you think. It is always no more that is chance away. You walk the edge and I cannot allow myself to get close to someone else’s edge. I know how it feels to walk a tightrope. I like the feeling too. But I would never drag another out onto that thread­ed wire with me. It becomes to shaky and we both might fall, or worse, you might fall with me out there, then I have no one to hold onto and I watch you go down. I am alone and standing on someone else’s tightrope. It isn’t fair. Although you want me there, I know that you can see this. Come to your senses and stop being selfish.

When you are ready, chances are that I will still love you. But allow me the thyme and the ability to make my own choices and live my own life in the mean thyme. Otherwise, if you want to be together, stop what you are doing that makes me uncomfortable. Become the mailman and work honestly. I cant handle anything else.

Why I can’t love you… (on the backside-slide of JoeG)

// July 2nd, 1992 // No Comments » // life the universe and everything

Why I can’t love you…

You say that love take work. That both people have to compromise and compensate to make it work. But I see you wanting to do whatever you please and I see you wanting to control me. I have a fragile mental state as it. You cannot toy with it or it will crumble. You say you want to make money to have a family and to take care of me, but don’t you realize that all you do by raising income by drugs is raise doubts in my mind that you will ever be able to provide for me or a family. Don’t you realize that we already have a broken family. A dead child.

A child we never gave life to but that haunts my head and can bring tears instantly to my eyes. Don’t you realize that I hurt more that anything you have ever experienced. Don’t you want to make that hurt go away? If you do then why do you constantly test and tease me and make the hurt compound. I lost my childhood, my memory, my choice of sexuality, my best friend, my family and from thyme to thyme my mind.

I can’t stand another loss and my fragile mind will protect against anything that threatens its stability. The thread of losing you is real, no matter what you think. It is always no more that is chance away. You walk the edge and I cannot allow myself to get close to someone else’s edge. I know how it feels to walk a tightrope. I like the feeling too. But I would never drag another out onto that thread­ed wire with me. It becomes to shaky and we both might fall, or worse, you might fall with me out there, then I have no one to hold onto and I watch you go down. I am alone and standing on someone else’s tightrope. It isn’t fair. Although you want me there, I know that you can see this. Come to your senses and stop being selfish.

When you are ready, chances are that I will still love you. But allow me the thyme and the ability to make my own choices and live my own life in the mean thyme. Otherwise, if you want to be together, stop what you are doing that makes me uncomfortable. Become the mailman and work honestly. I cant handle anything else.