Scandals
Move away. Grow close. Be aware. Be wary. Pop goes the joy-weasel. Part of me wants to go down. Part of me wants to go down to their level and win by showing them how it’s done. But that part. That part of me is outdated and old-school and is not going to be right action. Right action is action which reduces suffering. Right action is what I make a daily commitment with.
So I write.
I write to identify what fucked up things lurk in my head.
I write these fucked up things that lurk in my head so I am aware of them.
My awareness of this fucked up things leads to a responsibility for my actions.
My awareness leads me to observe my feelings instead of acting on them.
- I resent him ever getting pleasure anything.
- I resent him continuing to exploit people.
- I resen t him not changing.
- I resent him not acknowledging what was done.
- I resent him not being in jail.
- I resent him not being without sex.
- I resent him lying to me about the person he was “trying” to be.
- I resent my consequences & him, still living at his momma’s house, his job, his girl, his car.
- I resent him not acknowledging how much harm he did to me and my family.
- I resent her “not getting it”. – Not seeing what he is. I resent them not being discrete. I resent …not the “disrespect”, but the self-absorption and last of compassion for others. For me, trying to do the next right thing and dealing with the wreckage of my past on so many layers and fronts.
Without dope I feel… What do I do with the pain? I identify my feelings. See if there are anythings that I can do to help. Realize that they are just feelings. Write. Make art. Make the object of my resentment a gift; my guardian angels.
