Homework – Why?
// December 29th, 2005 // 1 Comment » // life the universe and everything
Why?
When my homework assignment came and I was to respond to “why,” I immediately thought of the Matrix Reloaded movie in which the Keymaker, an Asian-looking program who was held hostage by the Merovingian, seems to spout off very direct information about the “whos and hows and whats and whens” of saving Zion. As it seems, only “the one” can do it, and only in a small window of time.
When Niobe asks; “How do you know all this?”
The Keymaker replies; “I know because I *must* know. It is my purpose. It is the reason I am here. The same reason we are *all* here.”
—
When I was a youngling I wanted to find death’s edge. The line between the living and the dead. I wanted to know because it was something just outside of my reach. I did many things, many dangerous and selfish things, in pursuit of this goal.
At 22 I achieved my goal. Accidentally. I was one of the fallen at the moment, those of use who push and push for noble goals, and then get lost in the fray of illusion or corruption. My vice were the chemicals I used to “open up my mind.” I had become addicted and my world was closing down and I had developed a habit. One day at a party (my whole life was spent going from party to party, trying to feel anything at all) I did what I always do and instantly I was fading out of my body and up. It felt like falling, but I watched myself rise up out of the vehicle I had been in, over the field where the party was happening. I watched the ground blur into landscape, I felt myself go through the cloud cover and into the atmosphere. Farther and farther until our globe disappeared into the blackness of space.
I floated in this for a while before I began to perceive that there was something out there. It felt like “they” were around me in a semi-circle. These HUGE, TOWERING things that I couldn’t see. But I could only see where they were not. That was the only way I could perceive them.
Anyway, they didn’t ask if I wanted to go back. They had no consul with me at all. They informed me that I was going back and I was going to do my Will. When I whined about “why me” they strongly stated; “Because you can. Because you will not break in doing these tasks they are your Will,” and I LAUGHED at them and told them that I was a junky and that this was all some sort of drug-induced hallucination. And they did something to me. They took 10 things, 10 things that were going to happen and they shot them down my spine. I don’t know how else to explain this, but they took 10 future experiences and they somehow injected them into my spine at the neck I experienced each one and it changed me. They told me; “That is how you will know that this is not an illusion. [I've deleted some additional information because its not pertinent here] Now go”
And with that I was back on a gurney being transferred from an ambulance to the ER table.
I was without vital signs when the ambulance hooked me up. I did not respond to Narcan. The ambulance ride was about 10 minutes and I had an EKG tape showing at least 7 minutes and 48 seconds of absolutely no vital activity occurring in my body. Who knows how long I was gone before the ambulance got to that desolate field in Kentucky. The ambulance attendants told my partners that I have been out so long that I probably wasn’t coming back, and if I did I would probably be in a vegetative state.
But I did come back. Lickity split. And when I came back I couldn’t figure out what in the peach pit had just happened. I knew I shot some drugs and passed out, I guessed I OD’d, but I couldn’t figure out why everyone was making such a big deal.
Then I realized that I didn’t really know any of the people around me, but I knew I should. I realized that I couldn’t figure out how they made their legs do the things needed to propel themselves forward, but I should. This amnesia was short acting and I think it had to do with the shift from “there” to “here.” But one of the first things that I did when I got home, beside shoot more dope, was write my experience down in detail, including the 10 things I received.
It was a good thing because I rapidly lost the memory of the details of the experience and instead I just know it happened. But that was when my death drive ended and my enchantment with life and the Force began.
—
I’ve always been Force sensitive. I’ve studied and practiced Magick and Martial Arts and I know I have skillful attributes. I also know that Chaos has been a source file for me and I’ve abused it and myself and my world in using it so generously. I need trained. I need honed. Which is why I seek others who would learn and teach and train and share along with me.
I believe that life is precious and that we all have innate abilities to wake up and wash the sand from our eyes and participate fully in our reality. I believe in doing that we can alter the fabric of reality. I believe that if we do wake up and begin to change things, that it is in our duty to be grateful for this ability to to help other achieve the same thing.
Why?
Because we must. It is our purpose. It is the reason we are here. It is the
same reason we all are here.
And so it continues…
