Grey Beast Update
My life is going at a pretty good clip. Actually, it’s going a click faster than I’m comfortable with. I’m working on pulling back that click, but I’m finding that the resistance is strong from external forces and I’m not in control of my life as much as a was a few short months ago.
Why the change?
I moved from being my own employer, to having an employer. I have returned to the world of indentured servitude. I know what it is. I know what it is like. And yes, I’ve signed on to the hamster wheel once again. Why? Mid-range goals needed the stability of a regular paycheck. So yes, from 8-6 on Monday thru Friday I’m officially a cog in the corporate machine.
Since returning to active, external, full-time work my daughter has been having some behavior problems at school. There is a HUGE part of me that just wants to chuck the work and shadow her to help her (intimidate her?) into behaving more appropriately. That isn’t responsible though. She’s seven and she should be able to be accountable for her actions while at school. I’ve taken away toys, privileges and other things that she enjoys. I think that she is improving and then I learn that she’s back talking, not working, making poor choices…etc. She has outright lied to me when I ask her to self-report. She tells me that she received a “green card” for good behavior and that she doesn’t have homework, when she does. I’m not into physical punishment, but I’m running out of options.
Then there is her hyper-sexuality. The child-psychologist says that she is well within the normal range of curiosity and sexual play that is appropriate for her age. I know that some of her experience has lead to a more comprehensive knowledge of sexual behavior and that she feels comfortable discussing issues of sexuality with me, and for that I am glad. What she doesn’t seem to get is that the inappropriateness of her actions. Talking when it is class time. Respect to teachers and sexuality as a private thing. Showing money that she has to others. She doesn’t have a very solid grasp of boundaries.
Then again…neither do I. But I’m improving. Maybe I need to get some more boundaries between me and my child to help her model.
Again, people around me think that I’m a together, well-represented, professional woman. I know I’m doing too much again and I’m getting tired of treading water. Then again…it is still February and the Grey Beast has it’s claws in my for a few more weeks. Maybe this will pass. I hope so.
