DBW – Burn Yourself
When you do something, you should burn yourself completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself.-Shunryu Suzuki
Tweet this!When you do something, you should burn yourself completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself.-Shunryu Suzuki
Tweet this!I can’t quite figure out if today is Thursday or Friday. Logically I know that it is Thursday, but I heard a radio announcer say that today is the 29th, so I’ve been confounded since then.
Yesterday I was doing the blog thing and a “friend of a friend” (which is something that has taken on a new live since the development of “social networking” sites such as mySpace.com and LiveJournal.com) had some lyrical prose posted. It was beautiful and soulful, so I snipped part of it and linked back to his site. I took his header information from his profile page and posted it. A bit later I got a comment from someone on my friends list with an accusatory tone to it (love the internet text where you have to pull teeth to get the emotion behind the bits and bytes showing up on our screens) and he stated about how he knew this guy and that he was talking about the love of his life who had died. I replied back that I was only taking the information from his header. I didn’t mean to offend anyone, heck I don’t know the guy, or his situation, I only know that there were beautiful words on his page that I wanted to share with others. But I stuck with the facts and not the guilt I was feeling, how I found the cadence of the words beautiful and I was only using his own information. But still the “did I do something wrong” voice crept in when someone lashed out and my Libra doesn’t like conflict. Ugh! Then I have to remind myself that my blogs are less editorial columns and more about writing so my head doesn’t explode. I’m not here to win any “friend rating” contests and that I LOVE critical challenge from another viewpoint designed to broaden my foundation.
I live in Ohio. Northeastern Ohio. Cleveland is a modern, bustling metropolis filled with opportunity compared to where I live. Now don’t get me wrong. Akron spawned Jim Jarmusch , Mark Mothersbaugh, Bob Mothersbaugh , Chrissie Hynde , LeBron James , Angie Everhart, Heather Kozar, Butch Reynolds , Leland Gaunt and Jeffrey Dahmer so we do not lack taken or creativity and a certain amount of twistedness. However, the creative usually move on when they want to spread their wings.
Akron is still a town with a mindset on the 1950’s, when the jobs in the rubber factories were considered the place to be and art, music & creative…well that’s for someone else. We’re a hardworkin’, practical bunch and prefer to spend out money on cases of beer (or better yet a tap mounted right on the front of the fridge) and not some frou-frou art.
So now I have a job at a nice manufacturing company. I work at the corporate headquarters, which as irony has it is exactly the same rubber factories that met with decline in the 1970’s. I sit in my chair every weekday morning by 8:29 a.m. and I stay there until after 5:01 p.m. no matter if there is work to do or not. Lucky for me, there usually is. I work the line, only now the line is a cube farm. In exchange I get a paycheck twice a month that is spent, on necessities and paying past bills, within two days of receiving it. Then I hold fast for the next 13 days until I get the next one. The benefits are good, but there isn’t much time off. I appreciate the job. And I try to show that appreciation by being a good employee. I also try and remember that in this position I am only a worker bee, and worker bees are also known as… D R O N E S. So stay sharp and challenge myself and make sure that there is room for creativity.
That is the problem. Room and time to be creative? I carve wood in front of my fireplace, then burn the shavings and create lampblack to make ink. Wands, shadow people and ink are my creative range right now and I don’t take care of any of them. Once every few years I mix up a batch of pulp and make some homemade paper, but I really don’t showcase anything that I do. I have no special storage places so my work gets dented and damaged. I give it away because I have no place to keep it and I really don’t have a place to work. Just a crammed little place on the floor. I used some of my shadow people for tent stakes once last year and my wand tips break off because I keep them shoved next to the sofa and resting on a bookcase shelf.
I have no sacred space anymore because everything in my life is sacred. My life is ordinary and everything in it is sacred.
When my cousin and I had lunch together he told me that I am a very good writer and that in the future he hopes that we can work together. I was internally very interested to hear more about this and very elated, but I felt scrambled. Did he really thing I was a good enough writer to collaborate on something and what does that mean? I would like to know his thoughts on this but I was afraid to ask.
I am also afraid to believe I am good. I know it, but I hide it, even though I promised I wouldn’t hide my light anymore. It seems egotistical to bring it out among others. I’m afraid to take my work out and shot it to the light of day. I’m afraid I’m really no good. I’m afraid I’m out of touch. I’m afraid of getting wrapped up in those crazy, emotional messes. I’m afraid of being vulnerable.
Heck…it sounds like I’m afraid of everything. I wish I had someone who walked this path before reach out and hold my hand while I get my “sea legs.”
Maybe I really should set off to sea and be a pirate.
Tweet this!Three pages in the morning. Don’t worry what is written or the fact that work has started. I haven’t core dumped because there is never enough time in this created world of structure and self-importance, but I’m a good soldier and I do the work that I’m asked. When the Path brings something to my doorstep I don’t ask who, what, when, where & why. They don’t matter. I’ve asked all the questions and tried to apply logic and reason and science to all of the mystery and then the 2×4 board slaps upside my head and I figured out that science is still a primitive practice. That “the Them” haven’t provided the “finger of Divine inspiration” to develop a measuring implement to quantify the magick.
Will they ever?
But magick is able to be measured by results. The magickal diary expressing intention and the actions taken to support and obtain those results. That is as close to science as we have right now.I will tell you though, I believe in magick in all of its beautiful color. I believe in a world that is much, much better for the small faction of practicing mages. I wouldn’t want to be in this world without us.
And I’ve found an artist named Natasha Alexandra who releases music under the name NLX. I really like her stuff. She reminds me of a cross between the beautiful piano melodies of Tori Amos and the strange machinations of Trent Reznor’s darkness. Beautiful, sharp lyrics coated in a brittle and sometimes bitter aftertaste.
And now I am on to page two Hooray! One down and two to go. I am writing on a large, letter-sized, white, ruled notebook. Like a legal tablet, but letter-sized…and white. Writing stream of consciousness never used to be difficult, but I’m older now and the ridges have set in and it is a challenge to soften them up and make them flexible again. But it’s worth it. Isn’t it?
Of course there is this nagging critic inside of me telling me that when I made my choice to have a baby I also chose not to pursue any more of my cockamamie creative ideas. Now that, you are responsible for another life and your needs get placed on hold. It’s ever worse for you, because you decided to have a baby by yourself, and I told you how much work it was and how you would have no more time for yourself. No husband, or boyfriend…and the father is a son-of-a-bitch you had to run from in order to get away from. He took everything from you. Your money, your love, your generosity of spirit and hospitality, and once he got what he wanted he wanted you out. Now you want to have this baby that will tie you forever to someone like that? Is that what you want to do?
If that’s the case, don’t you dare expect one once of help from anyone. You made your bed, now you can lie in it. {that sounds like a good idea for a single-woman play. “You made your bed” and it could be a monolog of all the “lessons” we learn as women, usually from other women, that take us from floaty and wonderfully chiffon princesses and fairies into the plain wives, mothers and old maids who throw personal identities and desires away because we don’t believe we deserve to be allowed to dream. Then we grow up and do the same damage to our beautiful girl children.} My head belongs in the clouds, but I can’t, for the life of me, figure out how to provide for my child and give her a sense of security and foundation with me pursuing my crazy dreams.
So yes, I’ve sold them off years ago as I ponied up to prepare to bring a child into a world with me as her mother, with no real support and having never known any sort of unconditional love. I wanted to be a good mommy. But everyone told me it was impossible, that what I was doing wasn’t fair to the baby, that I was being selfish.
And so far I have done alright in that effort to parent. 2003 was a mess. I really fucked that one up, but it’s over and I’ve paid for my sins and I’m not afraid of something like that ever happening to me again, because it won’t. I’ve changed.
But I have let my need to create become less than my passion and focus and now I’m here, facing my fears about dusting it off and taking it down off the shelf and giving it a good look to see if its worth salvaging or if it needs to head to the rubbish bin.
I used to think I was a good writer, but then one day Peekay and Adrian were talking about my atrocious grammar and spelling and how I thought that I was good, but I really wasn’t very good at all. And years later I learned that it was only said because they envied my ability to spin stories and breath vitae into them so real that it would come to life inside their minds. It was said, because they were jealous that they couldn’t write like me. But still, the damage was done and I knew my wings ripped a little that day. I finished the job myself when I became a mom. I felt I had to sacrifice something so I that I could learn to be a good mother to my miracle, so I did.
And now I walk the earth and remember what it was like when I could fly.
Tweet this!
|
||||||||||
|
||||||||||
|
Copyright 2006, StoryPeople. Click here to send your own e-greeting from www.storypeople.com |
||||||||||
Tweet this!My life is cool. Very cool. I’m 36 and a mom and those are two things I NEVER thought I’d see. Having those two things, it makes me pretty content. And yet, this holiday season I’ve been filled with a subtle sense of sadness. And I’m trying to be tender with those feelings, but I’m also hearing the inner voice that is telling me that I’m being an ungrateful little schmuck!!! How dare I have any sadness when it COULD be so much worse. And yes. I’ve been in worse circumstances. Much worse. And my life is good.
But the sadness is still there.
I’m almost embarrassed at what triggered it. It reeks of attachment and ego and entitlement. All things I despise. But the only way I’ve ever gotten free of such feelings is by being honest with them and then I seem to get another view. One that is bigger and a bit more comprehensive. So…in hopes that it will still work, I’ll give it a shot.
Once upon a time in a land far, far away there was a little girl who was always told how beautiful and smart and talented she was. When she swam…she swam better than anyone. When she rode a bike, she did things nobody else ever did. Magazines took her picture and interviewers asked her questions. By 16 she was told that it was certain that she was destined to do great things. When she went to college her professors “0h’ed” and “Ah’ed” over her writing and her work and they again told her that she was destined to do amazing works.
But no one told her how.
And when she couldn’t figure it out, and she knew that people wouldn’t think that she was “smart” if she couldn’t figure out something so simple as that, she took a path that would help people realize that maybe amazing things weren’t destined for her. Maybe she was just a regular old person.
And when I became a mother I love it. I loved my new role but there wasn’t any other help and there wasn’t any time to write, or make art or even to dream. And over the years I’ve let go of most of my work, because it won’t fit in my small apartment. And many of my professional tools have been sold, or discarded. And aside from blogging and keeping an extensive journal, and carving a hunk of wood every now and again with dull tools, I haven’t made much in the way of art in 8 years.
And my cousin, who was always a great guy, and his family are doing so well together. Their marriage is supportive and he says he’s so luck to have gotten to marry his best friend. His kids know their parents love them and he has been successful in his Hollywood dream job. I’m really, really happy for him, and yet there is a little part of me that wants to know what happened to my dreams? And then the little voice calls me an ungrateful bastard and kicks me in the head.
I’ve been trying to clear my mind and meditate on this…but I’ve been unsuccessful as of yet to calm my mind.
I’m embarrassed that I’m feeling this petty way.
And my mother got me a book called “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron. Its a course in “Discovering and Recovering Your Creative Self” and part of me want to discount the book, because if I have to recover my creative self, that means I have to first admit that I’ve lost it along the way and that thought always brings tears to my eyes and sobs to my heart. Me! Who urges everyone I meet to listen to that little voice in your heart and to always, always, always follow your dreams. Me, who urged my cousin to go to California and to take his shot, because if he didn’t, he would always regret it. I need to face that my meager means have caused me to put my dreams on the back burner until I don’t even know where I left them.
I started reading the book last night and I immediately closed down because in the dedication on page vii I note that she is dedicating this book, among others, to her “daughter, Domenica Cameron-Scorsese, for sharing her mother and bearing the dual pressures of second-generation fame…” and my mind scoffs that this is another Hollywood wife, with all her husbands money and connection, writing a book for fun and profit. Nothing is on the line. No children are suffering because mom bought a hunk of Gabon Ebony instead of food. No child doesn’t get tucked in by a nanny, while mommy is in her special “writing room” with her perfect desk and her perfect notebook and her perfect writing implement.
And I taste the venom of envy in the back of my throat and I “know” this woman doesn’t have a clue about challenges, so what can I get from her?
But I need something and I tell myself to be soft, and open-minded and see what we can see. We need guidance and direction and most of all time. My head is bursting with ideas. I still have to write each and every day, just so my head won’t explode. My creativity is still there, but it hasn’t been allowed to breath for more than 8 years. It’s almost afraid to come back out into the sunlight, because it is anemic and pathetic and neglected.
And it’s afraid no one will want it any more.
And, for those of you who can read between the lines, THAT is what I’m afraid of…
Tweet this!
|
||||||||||
|
||||||||||
|
Copyright 2006, StoryPeople. Click here to send your own e-greeting from www.storypeople.com |
||||||||||
Tweet this!Happy Happy Hollydays
![]() |
||||||||||
|
||||||||||
|
Copyright 2006, StoryPeople. Click here to send your own e-greeting from www.storypeople.com |
||||||||||
Tweet this!Oh…by the Gods…
Somebody stop me…after reading all six Harry Patter (I guess that’s the Irish Potter) books in less than two weeks I was investigating some of the details online and I learned of the spin-off known as “wizard rock.”
[Hell]
To anyone that has escaped the Harry Potter surge of popularity, Wizard Rock are actual bands, comprised of actual Muggl—er, humans who play actual music all about the HP books. There are folk wizard bands, rock wizard bands, thrash wizard bands. All sorts of stuff.
You can listen to some of them at MySpace Music/Wizard Rock . Some of them are good.
[Help]
I need to go to Skinny Puppy rehab…get this shit out of my system!
Tweet this!Winter Solstice Celebrations for Families and Households
by Selena Fox
This article was first published in 1993; from a work in progress.
Focus of Celebration: consider first your purpose(s) for the celebration, such as:
Timing of Celebration: pick a time that fits form of celebration and family patterns, such as:
On Solstice:
Near Solstice:
Length of Celebration: structure with age and attention range of family members in mind
Settings of Celebration: pick a suitable location; some options include:
Indoors in Family Home:
Outdoors:
Components of Celebration: select one or more that fits focus, timing, length, and setting
Yule Wreath
Solstice Feast
Candlelight Circle
Yule Log
An oak log, plus a fireplace or bonfire area is needed for this form of celebration. The oak log should be very dry so that it will blaze well. It can be decorated with burnable red ribbons of natural fiber and dried holly leaves. In the fireplace or bonfire area, dried kindling should be set to facilitate the burning of the log.
Begin by having parent(s) or some other family member describe the tradition of the Yule log. The tale of the Oak King and Holly King from Celtic mythology can be shared as a story, or can be summarized with a statement that the Oak represents the waxing solar year, Winter Solstice to Summer Solstice, and the Holly represents the waning solar year, Summer Solstice to Winter Solstice.
Lights are extinguished as much as possible. The family is quiet together in the darkness. Family members quietly contemplate the change in the solar year. Each in her/his own way contemplates the past calendar year, the challenges as well as the good times.
Then the Yule Log fire is lit. As it begins to burn, each family member throws in one or more dried holly sprigs and says farewell to the old calendar year. Farewells can take the form of thanksgiving and appreciation and/or a banishment of old habits or personal pains.
Once the Yule Log itself starts blazing, then the facilitator invites family members to contemplate the year ahead and the power of possibilities. Each member then throws in an oak twig or acorn into the fire to represent the year ahead, and calls out a resolution and/or a hope.
When this process is done, the family sings a song together. The traditional carol, “Deck the Halls,” is good because it mentions the Solstice, the change in the solar year, and the Yule log.
Let the Yule Log burn down to a few chunks of charred wood and ashes. Following an ancient tradition, save remnants of the fire and use them to start the Yule Log fire the following year.
Bell Ringing
This can take a simple form of the family ringing bells together at the moment of Solstice, or it can be a circle ceremony in and of itself. It also can be incorporated into other components of the celebration such as the Candlelight Circle or Yule Log Ceremony — in these cases, bells can be rung after each blessing/sharing is stated.
Each family member chooses a bell to ring. Bells can be of varying sizes and types, but should blend well with each other when rung together. Brass bells and/or jingle bells are commonly available and have long time associations with the season.
For a bell ringing Solstice Circle, the family gathers together in a circle. Each has a bell in hand to ring. Parent(s) or some other family member serves as facilitator(s). She/he begins by saying a few words about the Solstice being the start of the new solar year and how the calendar year used today in many places around the world was structured on the solar year. The facilitator then describes how bells have been rung in connection with many types of celebrations. Bells have been rung at this time of year to ring out the old year and to ring in the new year. Then the facilitator invites the family to celebrate the Solstice with bells.
If the family is used to honoring the directions as part of spiritual practice (Wiccan, Native American, Buddhist, Hermetic, etc.), the family begins by facing each of the compass points (North, East, South, West) and ringing the bells in unison, honoring connections with each sacred direction. Then the family rings bells in the three directions connected with the center: upward, the place of the cosmos; downward, the place of the planet; and center; Divine unity.
In place of or in addition to individual direction honoring, the family rings all their bells together to celebrate their connection with each other as a family; then they ring them in unison again to celebrate their connection with the cycles of Nature; and then they ring them a third time in unison to celebrate their connection with life on planet Earth and all of Nature.
Then from the oldest to the youngest, each family member speaks a vision or wish for the planet for the coming year. After each one speaks, all ring bells together to affirm that vision/wish. After all have shared, the ceremony ends as the family calls out “Happy Solstice” or “Good Yule” three times and rings bells.
Yule Tree
Decorate an evergreen tree as a Yule tree. The tree can be a living tree growing in the yard of the home or in a container indoors to be planted outside in Spring. Or, the tree can be a harvested one purchased or cut yourself from a tree farm.
The Yule Tree can be decorated prior to or on Solstice for the entire holiday season. If decorated prior to Solstice, on Solstice day, family members can each add an ornament. Members may want to speak a blessing on the Solstice celebration as they add their ornaments. Ornaments can be of any type, but those that represent the Sun, such as sun figures or shinny red or golden balls, are very appropriate because of their symbolism. A star, sunburst, or light at the top of the tree is another traditional Solstice symbol.
Electric lights on the tree can also play into the Solstice celebration. They can be first turned on during the Solstice celebration. Or, if the family custom is to have a lit holiday tree for much of December, the lights can be turned off during a celebration as the family focuses on the year passing and the longest nights of the year and then turned on to represent renewal and the new Solar year.
After the holiday season is over, the Yule tree can be burned in a bonfire, chopped up and used as mulch, or placed in the wilds as additional habitat for wild creatures. A branch can be saved and stored away until next year and then burned with the Yule Log to represent the continuity of Nature’s cycles.
Winter Nature Communion
Grains and seeds, and the feeding of creatures have been associated with Yuletide holidays for hundred of years in Europe. To continue this tradition, gather some sunflower seeds in a large basket or bowl. Go outside next to the home or to a place frequented by wild birds and other wild creatures.
The family gathers around a bird feeder, a tree stump, a rock ledge, or other spot where the seeds are to be placed. Someone in the family serves as facilitator and guides the family in a Nature attunement meditation. First, the family silently focuses on the experience of being outdoors in the Winter at this Solstice time. Next, the family silently focuses on being part of the fabric of life of Nature. Then the family silently focuses on expressing appreciation for the beauty of Nature and the relationships with other lifeforms. Each family member then takes a handful of seeds and focuses on the seeds as symbols of life and as messengers of goodwill toward other parts of Nature.
Now, each family member in turn places the seeds in the feeder or on the stump, ledge, or other spot, and speaks an appreciation of Nature. After all the offerings have been made, the family joins hands and says together several times, “We are part of the Family of Nature!” The ceremony ends as the family in unison calls out “Happy Solstice!” or “Good Yule!”
Solstice Stories
The family can share Solstice related stories with each other. Parents, grandparents, and/or other older relatives can share how they celebrated Yuletide (Solstice, Christmas, New Year’s) when they were young. Parents and other relatives also can speak about their ethnic roots and share whatever they know of Yuletide folk customs of their ancestors.
If little or nothing is known within the living extended family itself about ancestral folk ways, prior to Solstice, one or more family members can do some research into customs connected with ancestral nationalities, ethnicities, spiritualities, and other cultural forms. Some places to check for information include bookstores and libraries, gifts shops with ethnic themes, cultural societies, folklore centers, museums, and multicultural centers at universities.
In addition to stories about folk customs connected with Yuletide, myths and legends connected with Winter, the Sun, and/or Renewal can be told.
To facilitate passing this family heritage on to future generations, the family may wish to tape record or videotape the story sharing.
Gift Giving
Across many cultures for at least several thousand years, gifts have been exchanged among family and friends at Solstice time. Even if the family already has a tradition of exchanging gifts at Christmas or Epiphany, some gifts can be exchanged on Solstice as well. Having gift giving occur over a period of time extends the holiday celebration and is a time honored tradition, as commemorated in the song “Twelve Days of Christmas.”
The Solstice gift exchange can take a variety of forms. When all family holiday gifts are displayed under the Yule tree for several days, each family member can select one gift with their own name on it to open on Solstice night or morning. In cases in which family members give each other multiple gifts, each member can select a gift to give each other member. Another method of gift distribution is to have family members place their names in a hat or basket, and when this is done, to each draw a name, which indicates the person to whom they will give a Solstice gift.
Still another alternative is to have a gifting experience unique to Solstice. A group of similar, yet distinctive small gifts, individually wrapped can be placed in a large basket or cauldron. There should be one for each family member. At least one extra gift could be included and this could be kept for the family as a whole or later given to a family friend. Some examples of gift groups include an assortment of pieces of tumbled agate or quartz crystals, a collection of animal figurines or exotic sea shells, an array of candles or bells, or a variety of pieces of candy or other food treats. Gift picking can be according to age: oldest to youngest, youngest to oldest; according to birth date in the year; by first name in alphabetical order; by lot; or by some other method. The gift exchange, when involving Nature gifts, can have an educational component. For example, if bird images are the gift form, the family can talk about each type of bird after each figure is unwrapped.
A good way to bring closure to the gift exchange on Solstice night is for the family to join hands together in a circle and spend a few moments focusing together on the sharing of love, a on-going gift that transcends time and physical presents. Focusing on appreciating each other strengthens the family as well as imbues the gift giving and other Solstice celebration experiences with a spiritual context.
Contents © 1998-2006 by Circle Sanctuary. All rights reserved worldwide.
Circle Sanctuary shall not be liable in the event of incidental
or consequential damages arising from the use of information supplied herein.
If you have any comments or questions about this webpage, please email our webmaster@circlesanctuary.org.
Tweet this!Pagan Yuletide Greenery
Craftway Circle facilitated by Selena Fox on December 12, 2003 at Circle Sanctuary land
from a work in progress © 2003 Selena Fox, Box 219, Mt. Horeb, WI 53572 USA
Kinds
Tweet this!Sacred Plants of Winter Solstice
by Selena Fox
This was first published for a workshop at the 1994 Circle Sanctuary Community Yule Festival
Evergreens
Tweet this!In a time before time had been named, when life danced as a dazzling rainbow upon the mystical Earth, magick lived inside each earthen creature. Some, the big ones, were having a harder time seeing the magick now, than in the past. They were starting to forget that magick is all around you, if only you believed.
Alicia was a small and tiny earthen spirit with sparkling blue eyes and a pinched up nose; even in the fairy world, where all things are small, she was the smallest of them all.
Her home was deep inside the strong and twisting roots of a big Oak. It was safe and none of the winter cold snows could find their way a in.
She loved playing around her cozy and warm home with her mom and dad. They would play hide and seek and she could easily hide in the corners or under the furniture. They would read books by the fire light and sing songs that only the fairies knew.
Alicia was frightened of the other earthen creatures, as well as of what might be outside her cozy home under the big Oak. She had never been out before and saw no reason to go into the “outside.”
When company came over Alicia would not come out of her tiny seed pod bed. When the Bunny family who lived next door came to visit, she was frightened that being so small, one of the many bunny babies might accidentally hop on her. She would only peek over the beds edge with her tiny pinched nose when the Gloends, a family of glowworms; came to visit, because she wanted to see where the warm yellow glow was coming from.
At dinner one evening, Alicia’s mom and dad told her that soon winter’s hold would be ending. That frightened Alicia since she only knew the winter and could not imagine what might happen if it was to end.
They explained to her that in all the magickal world, it was her magick that would call in the changing of seasons and the turning of the great wheel. On the eve of the next night Alicia, her mom and her dad would go on a journey into the forest. Here, there would be a great gathering and all the mystical creatures of Earth would see her gift of magick.
But Alicia shivered with fear — what was this wheel and how can she stop this magick and changing? She liked things just as they were and didn’t want anything to change at all. She didn’t want to go to a gathering where so many would be. She didn’t know what this gift was that she was to give. What if she got lost and no one could find her? Or maybe the others would see her. Maybe they would not like her or make fun of her or laugh at her being so small.
Her greatest fear was that maybe she had no magick. She had not seen it. She couldn’t fly like her mom and dad, she kept falling on her elbows. She couldn’t make things like flowers or snowflakes like her mom and dad; all she ended up with some ice that melted. She couldn’t even make light with her wand. How would her parents feel when they found out, what would she do?
Even as frightened as Alicia was of going into the “outside, ” she was more frightened of what others might think of her. She didn’t want to disappoint her mom and dad, so she decided it would be best if she hid. She would go into the “outside;” no one would look for her there. She would not go very far. Just far enough away where she could hide until the gathering was over, and then the change would not happen.
Alicia’s mom was roasting acorns for the great gathering’s feast and her dad was busy polishing up his ice wand. Alicia knew no one would see her leave, or think she would go into the “outside” alone, since she never had before.
With her wand in a small bag tied to her waist, Alicia carefully opened the door of her house and stepped into the “outside.” She closed the door quickly and quietly so her mom and dad would not hear it creak. Then, she turned to see what was here in this “outdoors.” It was white everywhere. She walked along for a little while when all of a sudden “crunch” she sunk into the snow up to her wing tips. It took a bit of work but she wriggled her way up and out of the snow. Now she was really cold and she could see it was getting darker. The bright bluish color of the sky was now turning a purple hue with streaks of red and yellow.
She wasn’t sure, but if night was coming she had to hide quickly. If she could fly just to the edge of the forest she would find a place to stay until the gathering was over and then she could go home again. Then it would be safe because nothing would change. That is what she wanted.
Alicia was frighten and getting colder, but she had made up her mind. She had to do this, or everything she knew was going to change forever. She shook herself off and looked toward the forest edge. With all her will and might she jumped up and began flying forward. Then back a little, then up, then down, then around in some circles and then slower and then faster and then it happened. Bang! She flew right into a tree branch hanging low weighted heavy by the snow.
Alicia did not know what exactly had happened as she rubbed her head, but when she rose up again out of the snow it had gotten very dark. She could see tiny lights twinkling above her now. She looked around trying to figure out what direction to go. By now the gathering must be over and she could go home. Everything would stay the same. But which way was home?
Alicia couldn’t see where to go, so she didn’t want to try to fly. What if she hit another tree, it was dark now and she couldn’t make anything out, plus her head still hurt from before. She had to be very careful deciding what way to go now.
All of a sudden, she heard someone calling her. “Alicia, Alicia.” She felt her body begin to shake so hard that the tiny ice cycles that had formed on the tips of her wings, tinkled like little bells. As she turned around to look behind her, she saw a woman lying on a big pile of fur blankets. She was not a fairy, but she was beautiful, dressed in a green, red and white gown. Hundreds of earthen creatures stood all around her, many Alicia had never seen before, but none were scared or frightened at all. Although Alicia didn’t understand it, she wasn’t frightened either.
There seemed to peace about this woman, it was something calming. “Alicia, I have been waiting for you. I need your help.” the Lady said.
“Waiting for me?” Alicia asked.
“Yes, Alicia, ” she said. “Its dark now and we need your light to light the way, so that we can see what lies before us.”
“My light?” Alicia asked, remembering she had not been able to make her wand light before.
“It’s your magick Alicia, your magick that will call the light from within me.” the Lady said.
Alicia slowly began to walk toward the woman. That’s when she saw that this quiet lady was going to have a baby, and she was going to have it any moment.
All the fears and worries Alicia carried with her were beginning to melt away, just like the ice on her wing tips. As she looked into the meadow green eyes of this lady she wanted more than anything else in her small life to make a light for her.
Alicia, still trembling, took her wand from its little bag, and raised it up. With every magickal hope she had ever had, she put her energy into lighting her wand.
The lady smiled gently at her and in that instance there was a great flash of light which came from the tip of that tiny wand. It was a brilliant luminous light which filled every corner of the night.
As Alicia held her wand high she looked over to see that now the lady was holding in her arms a baby; a wonderful little baby boy. Suddenly, she understood it all, everything her mom and dad had been telling her.
This was the magick, this was her special gift. Alicia, the tiniest of all fairies, she was the one who carried the spark, the spark which released the light of the world and the turning of the wheel of life.
In her tiny being she had carried that magick, the magick to unlock the power of love and understanding for the world to share. Standing in that brilliant light, Alicia understood who the Lady was and the importance of this baby. She was a part of the rebirth of the Light. This baby was the Light again reborn of the Goddess. The beautiful Lady was the Goddess of life, and Alicia was that spark of magick which survives all time and through which we find boundless possibilities.
Soon the edge of the forest was filled with earthen creatures and spirits from all over the mystical world. Alicia’s mom and dad watched their fairy child as she beamed with joy. The Lady holding her baby boy, blessed all those who shared in this time of magick as the feast was served and great happiness was shared by all.
Alicia didn’t even notice that she was floating on the air. She was no longer weighted down by all her silly worries or fears. She knew that even though she was tiny she had the power to light the world. Now she understood, magick is all around you if you only believe, and trust in yourself.
So each year as you light a candle to call the light, remember the tiniest fairy, for it only takes one tiny spark to give light unto the whole world.
Blessed be our Lady the Mother of Light.
Lady Abigail
High Priestess Ravensgrove Coven
from WITCHVOX
Tweet this!This mind is like a fish out of water that thrashes and throws itself about, its thoughts following each of its cravings.Such a wandering mind is weak and unsteady, attracted here, there and everywhere. How good it is to control it and know the happiness of freedom.
-Dhammapada
Tweet this!I had one of those dreams last night. One of those where I watch from inside someone else head. This one began with me being inside an older brothers house as he stood on a front porch and watched, disapprovingly, as his younger sister gets into a blue pickup truck. The next thing I know I’m not watching from her point of view and her and her companion are winding down a road going through a very wooded area. It’s fall and there are lots of leaves on the ground, but still lots of coverage in the trees. The man who is driving, I never get a clear look at, but I notice that there are a number of sharpie markers around. In fact, they are the only writing implement around.
From here there are a few strange things that happen in the dream. They “layer” and I see what happens over an extended period of time. Abduction, kidnapping, abuse and exploitation. Not just of her, but of those he’s taken before. This happens while they are still driving. Maybe it’s just something she’s thinking of. Anyways, the next thing she jumps out of the moving vehicle with her bag and runs off into the woods. The pick-up takes a few seconds to screech to a stop, the man runs off after her.
The dream ends with the girl trying to hide her bag and herself under the leaf cover. The man is running into the woods to find her.
I have no ides how it ends.
Tweet this!After some plethora of conversations today with other Setians/Dark Pathwalkers/Satanists…I’m begining to wonder….am I the only Satanist who likes to listen to Folk Music?
Tweet this!Hibernating’ Man Survives for Three Weeks
By HIROKO TABUCHI
AP – TOKYO (Dec. 20) – A man who went missing in western Japan survived in near-freezing weather without food and water for over three weeks by falling into a state similar to hibernation, doctors said. Mitsutaka Uchikoshi had almost no pulse, his organs had all but shut down and his body temperature was 71 degrees Fahrenheit when he was discovered on Rokko mountain in late October, said doctors who treated him at the nearby Kobe City General Hospital. He had been missing for 24 days. “On the second day, the sun was out, I was in a field, and I felt very comfortable. That’s my last memory,” Uchikoshi, 35, told reporters Tuesday before returning home from hospital. “I must have fallen asleep after that.” Doctors believe Uchikoshi, a city official from neighboring Nishinomiya who was visiting the mountain for a barbecue party, tripped and later lost consciousness in a remote mountainous area. His body temperature soon plunged as he lay in 50-degree weather, greatly slowing down his metabolism. “(Uchikoshi) fell into a state similar to hibernation and many of his organs slowed, but his brain was protected,” said Dr. Shinichi Sato, head of the hospital’s emergency unit. “I believe his brain capacity has recovered 100 percent.” Uchikoshi was treated for severe hypothermia, multiple organ failure and blood loss from his fall, but was unlikely to experience any lasting ill effects, Sato said. Doctors were still uncertain how exactly Uchikoshi survived for weeks with his metabolism almost at a standstill. In animals like squirrels or bears, hibernation reduces the amount of oxygen that cells need to survive, protecting them from damage to the brain and other organs.
Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.
Currently reading : Lords of the left-hand path: A history of spiritual dissent By Stephen E Flowers Release date: By 1997
Tweet this!Dangerous and Deceptive – there’s this woman who has been fighting the Gwinnett County Public Schools in Georgia from having the Harry Potter books on their shelves. She thinks that the Harry Potter stories promote children learning witchcraft and calls the stories “dangerous and deceptive” and “breaking families up.” The school board, has voted unanimously to deny her request….again.
This whole stink has been going on for years…since HP was released. But I’ve managed to ignore it for a long while. For some reason this time I was compelled to pick up the books for the first time. In the past two weeks I’ve managed to read everything up to book 6. The last three books I really enjoyed as nice stories, well written and able to easily slide into the stories. Were they terrible complex, not really. Were they in any way giving away the secrets of initiation? Not really. In fact, there were some “spells” that seem to not have much basis in reality, but really offer up a fine consolidation for that which a mage already understands. An example is the use of the word “Accio” to bring something to the mage. Now I’m not someone who can use what I call “POOF” magick, so I can’t yell “Accio [insert name-of-something-I-want-to-come-to-me here] and expect it to fly through the air to me, but I can affect whatever it is and make myself more “magnetic” to whatever it is that I want. I’ve taken to using “Accio” when I do that. It’s a focus for intent, and for me that is a lot of what magick.
But no. I’d say that Harry Potter may inspire kids to wear costume robes and buy wooden wants with “phoenix feathers” or “unicorn hair” inside and as those kids grow, they may take a look at what “witchcraft” and “wizarding” has to offer. So what. In my mind, I encourage my kid to take a look at the myriad of spiritualities available to them. Because I know that my Path is certainly not THEIR Path, and for me to deny their experience is again to abuse by spiritual amputation.
If you want to ban something…check of some of the advertisements and commercials available to kids during TV programming and kids magazines. That’ll really fuck your kids up and send parents to the poor house. But I don’t’ really want to ban anything. I want to raise intelligent, open-minded and curious kids that have a good self-esteem and positive world view that they can experience all the things they will find in the world without ANY of it seducing them into any sort of corruption of their own beautiful purity.
Currently reading : Harry Potter Paperback Box Set (Books 1-6) By J. K. Rowling Release date: By 25 July, 2006
Tweet this!She pulled an alleged crack rock out of her mouth and placed it on the deputy’s car for inspection, the Palatka Daily News reported for Tuesday editions.
The deputy told Reaves that she would be arrested if the crack tested positive for cocaine.
She was charged with possession of cocaine and bonded out for $1,504.
Tweet this!“Sitting peacefully on a cushion day and night seeking to attain Buddhahood, rejecting life and death in hopes of realizing enlightenment, is all like a monkey grasping at the moon reflected in the water.”
-Shoitsu
Tweet this!I had lunch with my cousin, Derek yesterday. It was the first time in seven years that I’ve seen him. It was a good lunch and we talked of many things, most of them relating to how we are doing in our personal and intrapersonal lives. Derek has always been the more moderate of my relatives. He did well in primary and secondary school, went to college, got good grades and worked in related fields for his employment. Within a year of graduation from university he married a lovely girl. To the best of my knowledge he’s never burned anything down, been to jail or knocked baby birds out of their nest. He’s never had to go to rehab, never gone bankrupt or had a house go into foreclosure or seen his name in the “crime page” of the local paper. He’s a good guy.
We were catching up on our various family dynamics. Because of my “not-so-moderate” behaviors, I’ve needed to take scrutiny on why some of my behavior was so self-defeating and came back to some (not all…some of it is just my own bad choices) of my family dynamics. I’ve found ways to “detach with love” and to find out how to love them, but maybe not their behavior. I’ve learned ways to watch them spin with denial or Machiavellian tactics and I can honestly and authentically throw my arms around them and say “I love you by NOT getting into this with you. It’ll go nowhere and it’ll just cause more suffering on both of our parts.”
But having done this, and listening to him tell his tales, I wondered….how did I get here? How did I get some balance in a life were I used to need to self-destruct every 36 months? Where did the Middle Path start to work on me?
I think it started in September of 2003, when I was about as hollow as I’ve ever been. I’d been living in Hell and not doing so well there. I had, for the past several months previous, stopped struggling with trying to mitigate and control what I was doing, and just let go. I believed that it was highly probable that I may die in that hollow, quarter-inch world of addiction, but I was going to try each day NOT to do what I was doing. It’s pretty humiliating after 200 days of trying to change, and failing each and every day. So I let go. And, to be honest I prayed. Now, anyone who knows me, know that I am anything BUT a Christian, but at this time I opened myself to ANY power that could hear me. Anything out there….do what needs to be done so I can stop this insanity for GOOD.
And that happened…but that’s another story. This one details what I practiced to change at a fundamental level, from someone playing a tragic and sick part of a family story into a strong and interdependent woman who has a healthy world view.
The first thing I had to learn was that I was just to do this for me. Not for my beloved daughter. Not to help change my family situation. Just for me. I was tired of being the scapegoat that others could point their finger and shake their heads. I wanted to break free of that. In that declaration, I learned that I didn’t love myself very much. I liked many things I had done, people I’d met, who others thought me to be. But if you took all that stuff away, I didn’t like just me. That had to change.
In order for that to change, I had to be soft with myself. I had to allow myself to make mistakes. Someone challenged me to treat myself in difficult situations, with the same compassion and tenderness that I would treat my daughter with. Allow me to try and fail and have support from within. That began to work. I allowed myself to make some new choices, and to not have much success and to just say “ok, that was a good option, but it didn’t work out, so we can scratch that off the list and try something else.”
That was the next thing. Make new mistakes. I know some of the OLD things I’ve done that don’t work, so it was outlawed for me to touch them again. Instead of trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, I needed to go outside my range of comfort and to try NEW things, without judgment or expectation. Then I needed to evaluate if that choice improved my life, or created more complication and suffering. If it fell into the suffering category, it went onto the “don’t do it again!” list. With this came the awareness that “crazy people make you crazy” and if I wanted to be free of that insanity I needed to stay away from people that would drag me into those situations. I stopped finding “bad boys” attractive. I stayed away from my weak point, the Puerto Rican dope boys. I didn’t drive on streets I’d find them. I didn’t’ return their phone calls. I stayed away from things I knew didn’t work.
Next, I had to realize my own personal limitations. I had to realize that I am the sum of my experiences and that I have strengths and weaknesses, places to shine and places I still need to grow. I had to realize that sometimes I just need to step away from a situation, and that’s not being in denial or running away from the problem. It’s saying that “this thing is too harsh or big for me to deal with right now, so I’ll step away and find a way to approach it so that we can find an improved solution.” I might need to work on myself. I might need reinforcements. I might need an alternative. I might just need to stay away. A good example of this was the winter holidays that followed my completion of a long-term, residential rehabilitation program. There was a family get-together at my mother’s house. My father was bringing my daughter back down there, from visiting them up at his house. The wine was flowing (with them, not me) and everyone traipsed down “memory lane” about good times they remember when they were happier, younger and together.
For me, that “memory lane” holds the time in my life most filed with abuse, pain and trampled self-esteem. It was the time that I transformed into a person who felt she has no worth other than to be a disposable, pleasure vehicle for another. It was the time I felt lonely and abandoned and patronized. It is the time that my 36-month time-bomb was implanted into mean and sealed in so tightly that I never thought I would get it out.
All of a sudden I felt like that tiny child again. The one with her knees drawn up to her chest and verging on tears as everyone laughed, and laughed and laughed. I knew it was time to go. I grabbed my keys and my kid and told her that I needed to leave, so pack up her things. She was having a great time with my dad’s ten year old son and didn’t want to leave. She doesn’t understand that mom sometimes needs to pack up and get out of a situation that is declining because it puts me in “bad space” that makes me want to escape, and escape to a recovering addict is a bad place to be. I marched into the happy, reminiscing group and said I needed to leave and would you please move your car. They laughed, and laughed and laughed…but no car was moved. I couldn’t get out.
I felt boxed in and trapped. But I learned a lesson. Now, when I go to a family get-together, I park down the street. Yes, we have to walk a little bit, but it’s better than being trapped and feeling new slashes digging deep into my soul. I’ve made a life where no one should be able to drag me back to those times, and if I find myself there, I should be able to remove myself quickly.
This all felt so foreign to me at first. As I extricated myself from a sick family-system it felt as if I were flaying whole parts off of my personality. I felt raw. Then I started to see the improvements in my life. The first thing I noticed was that I was no longer attracting the scammers, the lazy, the users or the abusers. Bad folks avoided me. They knew, from my behavior that I wasn’t buying what they were selling and moved onto better marks. The next thing was that I was becoming attractive to quality people. Friends and a couple of times, more than that. My “people” were becoming more solid, and with more to offer. I learned from this, that I sometimes hang out with low-lifers to look good. I always looked like the best, when I was around the pond scum, they looked up to me. Now, I have people I look up to as well.
Then next thing I saw was that I was beginning to be able to make a good choice. I had allowed myself to make new mistakes, and then treated myself tenderly when they weren’t so good. Now I had enough trial & error under my belt. That I was able to make a good decision and my life was reaping the rewards. I was improving.
But the place where I see the greatest growth is in dealing with my family. I have “detached with love” from the insanity and the counter-productive actions. I have been able to learn what my buttons are and then keep them away from those who like to push them. Over time, I have taken that power away from them, so that now, they no longer even have the ability to push those buttons. The buttons are gone! I laugh at myself and my mistakes, and know I’m not going to easily fall prey to the same ones again. I can love my mother and father, simply because they are my mother and father, and not much like their personality, or how they treat others. I can state my position without my ego being attached to it, so that if someone attacks, it doesn’t hurt and I can evenly observe my reaction.
Does it work all the time? No. There are still some infrequent times where I find myself sinking, or wanting to sink, to someone level after they have gotten inside my skin and rubbed me raw. But it happens much less often now, and my life has improved in a real and authentic way.
And I’m very glad.
Tweet this!While browing around the net for new and useless things…I encountered a site on American roadside attractions and was informed about a site in Georgia the holds ” The Georgia Guidestones.” Some guy in 1979 went to Elbert County, Georgia and dropped $50,000 to have these huge tablets of granite with ten “guidelines” carved into them in 8 different languages. What does the message say?
THE MESSAGE OF THE GEORGIA GUIDESTONES
1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.
2. Guide reproduction wisely – improving fitness and diversity.
3. Unite humanity with a living new language.
4. Rule passion – faith – tradition – and all things with tempered reason.
5. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
6. Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
7. Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
8. Balance personal rights with social duties.
9. Prize truth – beauty – love – seeking harmony with the infinite.
10.Be not a cancer on the earth – Leave room for nature – Leave room for nature.
Tweet this!Wow…
I was catching up on some of the blogs that I frequent and the people who pen them this week and came across one Solis93 on LiveJournal who, while talking about un-Thelemic chickens who are raised in warehouses and pumped full of hormones and never in their whole life, see the light of the sun, quoted Liber Libre and stated:
15. Nevertheless have the greatest self-respect, and to that end sin not against thyself. The sin which is unpardonable is knowingly and willfully to reject truth, to fear knowledge lest that knowledge pander not to thy prejudices.
And damn, but that hit me right in the pituitary gland! “And to that end sin not against thyself.” So easy to say…but once we grow up and get in the corporate workforce and have kids and are responsible for their needs and upbringing how easily we start the slide into the unpardonable sin. I have a few very close friends, whom I love endlessly, but they have stuck their heads into the sand about mollycoddling those around them and turning themselves into hollow shells of themselves. Then they delude themselves that they really arent’ hollow and return to ever encounter depressed, and angry, alone and bitter. “To fear knowledge lest that knowledge pander not to thy prejudices.”
Having the greatest self-respect will help with the Great Work, but it won’t win you any popularity contests.
Tweet this!
![]() |
||||||||||
|
||||||||||
|
Copyright 2006, StoryPeople. Click here to send your own e-greeting from www.storypeople.com |
||||||||||
Tweet this!
|
||||||||||
|
||||||||||
|
||||||||||
Tweet this!This is just terrible. Awful. I’ve just been made aware that Clive Barker is making a game called ” Jericho“ that will be released on PS3 and PC DVD. I’m not a gamer. I’ve never really been a gamer. The reason is that I have this awful problem with compulsion. I don’t watch much TV, but if I walk into a place with a TV on…my eyes move forward and I listen to every word without really hearing anything. It is a lot like programming!
When I read a book I can often read 500 pages a day. If I’m within 250 pages of the end, I’ll stay up most of the night finishing the book. With games, it’s worse! Much, much worse. I’ve only played a very few games to completion…but when I do it usually entails my calling off work and staying up for 72 hours. I make sure I have a great system for web development, but a poopy one for gaming. That way in weak moments I’m not tempted to buy just one game and then get sucked into it all over again. I has to go over to a friends house in order for a group of us to head out together. They weren’t even close to being ready so I sat down in front of DOOM. (This WAS back in the day). They ended up having to carry me out of the house as I wouldn’t move from my playing seat and was ranting something about “Put me down your heathens, I’M KILLING DEMONS FOR THE LORD!!! You Heretics!!!” Once I start I never stop. Seems to be a recurring problem in a few areas of my life! So, like those other areas, I tend to stay clear of the games.
But Clive Barker, parallel worlds between the walls and endless battles with some of the darkest denizens of Clive’s mind, come to interactive life!
That I may just need to block off some vacation days in order to tackle THAT one. And buy that PlayStation 3…hmmm, now that the PS2 is up in the kid’s room…maybe, just maybe I can rationalize this!
Tweet this!