Archive for category writing

Saint Valentines Day story

[editors note:  This is not my writing.  I happened upon this in the summer of 09 and it stuck with me.  I thought it a particularly fitting piece of prose for Valentines Day.  Extra credit to anyone who knows who the author is and where this comes from.]

Tell me the story, Pew.

What story, child?
The story of Babel Dark’s secret.
It was a woman.
You always say that.
There’s always a woman somewhere, child; a princess, a witch, a stepmother, a mermaid, a fairy god-mother, or one as wicked as she is beautiful, or as beautiful as she is good.
Is that the complete list?
Then there is the woman you love.
Who’s she?
That’s another story.

Date: February 12th, 2010
Cate: personal, spirit, writing

Wing-Deep Ice Water (poem)

[Ed.Note:  This was written 082508 ]

Wing deep ice water, drenches the soul,
Waterlogged feathers we run from the hole.

Those who burn brightly, attract weaker sparks,
We do what we can to inspire their quarks.

Still others would try to tie our flame to their ground,
Then wonder why we resist to become  lower bound.

It is what it is and we are what we are,
Flame to flame. Heart to heart.  Each of us is a star.

Date: February 5th, 2010
Cate: Blogroll, life the universe and everything, writing

Cozy & Mara Hale (from 1993)

I found John.  And we were talking about a screenplay he wrote back in 1992.  One that I did some independent re-working on in 1993.  Firehouse.  Josh.  Edwin Shaw rehab release papers.  Weird stuff, right.

So I go back to the virtual akashic and pull this up:

Sunday, May 02, 1993

Cozy & Mara Hale [screenplay]

  • Mara Hale is Disease
  • Cozy is the dislikable reality
  • Cartoon is the human void
  • Antoinette is the one reality; weighing the balance
  • Little Happy is our society; hedonistic, “GenX”
  • Lemonade is beautiful silence

Cozy vs. Mara Hale more))

Date: January 27th, 2010
Cate: funny-bone, language, writing

I know you hate commas, but…

Commas, they save lives

Date: January 21st, 2010
Cate: china, language, writing

resonance…

there’s an echo in my bones,
that’s been resonating for years.

it wants to get out
and make it’s mark in the sand,

before dissolving silently
into the eternities.

Date: March 6th, 2007
Cate: humor, news, quote, writing

Neil Gaimen and the Bee Theory

I like Neil Gaiman. He wrote Sandman, which convinced me that I’m NOT the only odd duck in the world who thinks that the Gods are not that different from we flawed humans… The words he crafts together make me forget I am reading and transport me into the mystical realms of his creation… I like that. It’s far away from my life of logic and reason. Today on his blog he responded to a letter about bees. Take a look…get a chuckle.

Hi Neil,This isn’t a question, but some information: At dinner on Friday evening, my friend’s mother was telling us a that a man in Wal-Mart told her the Russians are stealing our bee technology, which would be the reason for all the vanishing bees (re: the article in your journal for 3/5/07). He seemed pretty sure of it, so I figured I’d pass along the warning just in case. Watch out for all those new bees in your garden.

Sincerely,
Stephanie H.

It could be Russians with apian transporter beams stealing our bees, I suppose. (“Locked onto the hive co-ordinates, tovarisch.” “Good. Bring them in.”) God knows, if we don’t listen to friends’ mothers telling us what men in Wal-Mart said, we’ll never learn anything…

My own theory about the disappearing bees is that some bright bee in each of the now-empty hives said, “‘ere, why are we eating this apalling corn syrup muck out of container tankers when we’ve spent all year making lovely honey. Why are we being driven around the country on the back of trucks? Why do we put up with this? We’re bees for god’s sake. We can fly. Let’s go somewhere else.” And then the rest of the bees went “She’s got a point, you know,” and then they went elsewhere.

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Date: February 28th, 2007
Cate: warriors of the light, wisdom, writing

Warrior of the Light – Gluttony

Fifth deadly sin: Gluttony
According to the dictionary: feminine noun, from the Latin gula. Excessive eating and drinking, voracity, greediness.

According to the Catholic Church: Inordinate desire for pleasure related to food or drink. One should not appreciate foods that are bad for health. One should not pay more attention to food than to those that accompany us. Unjustified intoxication is a complete lack of sense and a mortal sin.

According to Peter de Vries: Gluttony is a disorder; it means that something is devouring us inside.

From the “Verba Seniorum” (The Wisdom of the Ancients): The Father Abbott was strolling with a monk from Sceta, when they were invited in to eat. The owner of the house, honored by the presence of the priests, gave orders to serve what was best.

However, the monk was fasting. When the food arrived, he picked out a pea and chewed it slowly. He ate nothing further.

Upon leaving, the Father Abbott said to him:

- Brother, when you visit someone, don’t make your holiness an insult. Next time you are fasting, don’t accept invitations to dinner.

Recipe for goose liver with truffles: Clean the goose livers impeccably, chop the liver and truffles into small cubes. Line entirely a small, high pie dish with several small strips of bacon (the strips should be very finely cut). Season with a little salt and pepper and scatter on top some small pieces of truffle. Place the remaining pieces of liver and truffle in successive layers. Seal the pie dish hermetically using a strip of pastry made of flour and water and bake the foie gras in a bain-marie in the oven for 50 to 60 minutes. Afterwards, place a weight on top to compress the mixture.

Hunger in the world: The number of hungry people in the developing countries should drop from the present 777 million to around 440 million in 2030. This means that the goal of the World Food Summit agreed upon in 1996, of cutting by half the number of hungry people compared with the levels found in 1990-92 (815 million), will not be achieved even in 2030. Sub-Saharan Africa is a reason for great concern because the number of chronically undernourished people will only fall probably from the present 194 million to 183 million in 2030 ( Source: FAO report – World agriculture: Toward 2015/2030)

In a Sufi fable: A baker wanted to meet Uways, so Uways went to the bakery disguised as a beggar. He began to eat a bread roll; the baker beat him and threw him out into the street.

- Madman! – said a disciple arriving – don’t you see that you threw out the master you wanted to know?

Contrite, the baker asked what he could do for him to forgive him. Uways asked him to invite him and his disciples to eat.

The baker took them to an excellent restaurant and ordered the most expensive dishes.

- That is how we distinguish the good man from the bad man – said Uways to the disciples, in the middle of lunch. This man is capable of spending ten gold coins on a banquet because I am famous, but he is incapable of giving a bread roll to feed a hungry beggar.

Comment from the Tao Te King: Thirty spokes are fitted together in the cube forming a wheel. But it is its middle empty space that allows the car to be used. Model some clay to make a vase. Cut out in the empty space of the walls doors and windows so that a room may be used.

In that way someone produces what is useful but it is the empty space that makes it effective.

(next: Envy)

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Date: February 22nd, 2007
Cate: writing

Neil on a Daily Basis

I love my RSS feed from Neil Gaiman’s blog. It provides me with wisdom, prophesy, trivia, and intellectual nonsence of the most succulant variety. Todays discussion deals with children’s literature and the discussion of bollocks! YUMMY!

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Date: February 13th, 2007
Cate: language, writing

WOD: billet-doux

billet-doux • \bill-ee-DOO\ noun : a love letter

Example Sentence: Poor George spent hours laboring over a billet-doux, only to have his girlfriend toss it aside and demand, “Where are my roses?”
Did you Know?

The first recorded use of the French word “billet doux” (literally, “sweet letter”) in an English context occurs in John Dryden’s 1673 play Marriage a-la-Mode. In the play, Dryden pokes fun at linguistic Francophiles in English society through the comic character Melanthe, who is described by her prospective lover Rodophil as follows: “No lady can be so curious of a new fashion as she is of a new French word; she’s the very mint of the nation, and as fast as any bullion comes out of France, coins it immediately into our language.” True to form, Melanthe describes Rodophil with the following words: “Let me die, but he’s a fine man; he sings and dances en Français, and writes the billets doux to a miracle.”

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Date: February 13th, 2007
Cate: writing
2 msgs

Grammar Tips

I’m trying to learn more about grammar so that I can make informed choices in my communication. If I hear anything that makes something easy I plan to include it here, so that I may reference it easily. I hope that others will be able to make use of the tips too, because I’ve noticed that since the surge of the Internet…we communicate like offal!

Hung – referring to PAST executions or hangings.
Hanged – current use when talking about the action of dangling someone from a rope.

The use of the Colon (:) – The colon is a mark of expectation or addition. It is used ONLY after a complete sentence to elaborate on the content. Use it only if you can replace the colon with ” namely“.

among: used when using more than two things.
between: used when only two things, or distinct individual items (more than two)

Quotation Marks: Single vs. Double – Double quotes are used when quoting words of speech, titles or sometimes words that the writer wants to denote as unbelievable or ironic (Scare quotes). Single quotes are used to show a quote within a quote such as; Teeny said “I knew my life was saved when I heard the lifeguard shout ‘grab on’”.

Toward: Same as towards, more common in US
Towards: Mostly British use.

Backward: Same as backwards, more common in US
Backwards: Mostly British use.

Quotes: verb, to repeat what someone has said or written.
Quotation: noun, describing the quotes.

Now, remember. I am not claiming to be any grammar genius. I am only trying to improve my own grammar. You will most certainly find errors in my writing, so I’m not trying to be a know it all. I’m only sharing what I’ve learned so that others may learn where their own grammar knowledge has some potholes.

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Date: January 24th, 2007
Cate: magick, writing

Cues

Story cues:

Wurzles, Crittlebums, Kooras, Feather duster parakeets, Bishop fish, Amphisbaena, Marsupials, Opossums, Capybaras, Bilby, Chimerea fish, Black dragon fish, Deep sea anglerfish, Fossa, Fangtooth fish, Shovel nose lobsters, Lizard fish, Umbrella mouth gulper eel, Sea spider, Aye-aye, Dobson fly, Giant squid, Kalibi-Yah manifold, Nefesh

God Character – Bal Tachlis “Bahl Takliss”

Twelve Tribes

  • Reuben
  • Simeon
  • Levi
  • Judah
  • Dan
  • Naphtali
  • Gad
  • Asher
  • Issachar
  • Zebulun
  • Joseph
  • –Manrasseh
  • –Ephraim
  • Benjamin

Babylon – Babil Province “Gateway to the Gods” wife Amyitis received the Ishtar Gate and Hanging Gardens because she was homesick. King Solomon – Prince Darius

  • Nefesh – lower part of the soul. Animal part. Instincts and cravings.
  • Ruach – middle soul or spirit. Morality. Sentience. Right/Wrong
  • Neshamah – higher soul, intellect.
  • Chayyah – part that allows us to perceive Divine existance
  • Yahidah – highest place. As full as of a union with God as possible.

Maya – Latin/Central America – Toltecs.

  • Quetzacoatl –> Kukulcan = “feathered serpent”
  • King ZiBalba –> Prince Zutugil, counselor Coxoh, lady Chol and princess Pipil.
  • Nahua
  • Zapotecs
  • Septs – priest kings
  • Hzaes – warriors
  • Nahua – mercenaries
  • System of the Cross – writing system
  • Zotzilaha Chimalman – BAT GOD – a.k.a. Camazotz (Lord of Death and Hell) blocks attempts at heros journey.
  • Goddess was a water goddess.

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Date: January 24th, 2007
Cate: Qlippoth, anomoly, inspiration, magick, writing

Encyclopedia Mythica; Bestiary

Amphisbaena
The Amphisbaena is a Greek serpent with two heads and eyes that glow like candles. It has a head at each end of its body. This is how it got its name which means “goes both ways” in Greek. It is also called the “mother of ants”, because it feeds on ants. If it is chopped in half, the two parts will join again. The medical properties of the Amphisbaena were recorded by Pliny. The wearing of a live Amphisbaena is a supposed safeguard in pregnancy. The wearing of a dead one is a remedy for rheumatism. Medieval bestiaries also document the Amphisbaena as a two-headed lizard, and even a two-headed serpent-like fowl.

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Barghest
by Micha F. Lindemans
A monstrous dog with huge teeth and claws from the area around Yorkshire, northern England. It only appears at night. People believe that anyone who sees the dog clearly will die soon after the encounter. In Wales, they have the red-eyed Gwyllgi, the Dog of Darkness. On the Isle of Man it is called Mauthe Dog. (See also: Black Dogs.)

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Basilisk
by Micha F. Lindemans
The mythical king of the serpents. The basilisk, or cockatrice, is a creature that is born from a spherical, yolkless egg, laid during the days of Sirius (the Dog Star) by a seven-year-old rooster and hatched by a toad.

The basilisk could have originated from the horned adder or hooded cobra from India. Pliny the Elder described it simply as a snake with a golden crown. By the Middle Ages, it had become a snake with the head of a cock, and sometimes with the head a human. In art, the basilisk symbolized the devil and the antichrist. To the Protestants, it was a symbol of the papacy.

According to legend, there are two species of the creature. The first kind burns everything it approaches, and the second kind can kill every living thing with a mere glance. Both species are so dreadful that their breath wilts vegetation and shatters stones. It was even believed that if a man on horseback should try to kill it with a spear, the power of the poison conducted through the weapon would not only kill the rider, but the horse as well. The only way to kill a basilisk is by holding a mirror in front of its eyes, while avoiding to look directly at it. The moment the creature sees its own reflection, it will die of fright.

However, even the basilisk has natural enemies. The weasel is immune to its glance and if it gets bitten it withdraws from the fight to eat some rue, the only plant that does not wither, and returns with renewed strength. A more dangerous enemy is the cock for should the basilisk hear it crow, it would die instantly.

The carcass of a basilisk was often hung in houses to keep spiders away. It was also used in the temples of Apollo and Diana, where no swallow ever dared to enter. In heraldry the basilisk is represented as an animal with the head, torso and legs of a cock, the tongue of a snake and the wings of a bat. The snake-like rump ends in an arrowpoint.

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Behemoth
by Micha F. Lindemans
In the Old Testament (Book of Job, verse 40:15), behemoth is the name for a very large animal, like the hippopotamus or crocodile. They both play a part in the Apocalyptic, as monsters that must be killed. In later Christian religion, the behemoth is identified with Satan.

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Bishop-fish
by Matthew Seibert, Clarksville Middle School
The bishop-fish is a European sea-monster. It has the shaved head of a Catholic monk and the body of a huge fish. Its existence has been documented as early as the thirteenth century when one was caught swimming in the Baltic Sea. It was then taken to the King of Poland, who wished to keep it. It was also shown to some Catholic bishops, to whom the bishop-fish gestured, appealing to be released. They granted its wish, at which point it made the sign of the cross and disappeared into the sea. Another was captured in the ocean near Germany in 1531. It refused to eat and died after three days.

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Black Dog
by Micha F. Lindemans
The black dogs are found all over the British Isles, especially on deserted roads. They are roughly the size of a calf and they move in utter silence, except for the clicking of their claws. The chill despondency and despair these dogs cause is the reason why there are no detailed descriptions of their appearance. While a companion is no guarantee for safety — for one might see the dog and the other might not — it offers a better protection than walking alone. It is said that the best companion is a descendant of Ean MacEndroe of Loch Ewe. He rescued a fairy once and in return he and his descendants were given perpetual immunity from the power of the black dogs. (See also Barghest).

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Bolla
by Micha F. Lindemans
In ancient Albanian folklore, Bolla is a snake-like (or dragon-like) creature that sleeps throughout the entire year. On Saint George’s Day, it will open its eyes and look into the world. A human unfortunate enough to be spotted by Bolla will be devoured instantly. At the end of a twelve-year cycle it mutates into another being, called Kulshedra. This creature is a horrible, fire-breathing dragon with nine tongues. Kulshedra is sometimes also represented as an enormous woman with a hairy body and hanging breasts. The monster can cause a shortage of water and it requires human sacrifices to propitiate it. The creature is also known as Bullar in south Albania.

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Boobrie
by Micha F. Lindemans
A fabulous water-bird of Scottish Highland folk belief. The creature haunts lakes and salt wells.

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Broxa
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Jewish folklore the name of a bird believed to suck the milk of goats during the night.

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Bunyip
by Micha F. Lindemans
A bellowing water monster from Aboriginal legend, believed to bring diseases. It lives at the bottom of the water holes, swamps, lakes and rivers of the Australian outback. The creature is roughly the size of a calf and requires calm water to live in. Unless its food sources are interfered with, the bunyip usually leaves human beings alone. However, if necessary it has the strength to pull a person down into the water and drown him. The name comes from an Aboriginal word meaning “devil” or “spirit”.
Science sees it rather as misrecognized animals like seals, whose voices are mistaken for the cries of bitterns.
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Catoblepas
by Andrew Fowler
In some tales, the catoblepas was a creature that looked like a bull with scales. It was mentioned in a book by Gustave Flaubert, but it was first “sighted” by Pliny on a travel between Ethiopia and Egypt. He said that the locals called it “Catoblepas.”

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Centaurs
by Micha F. Lindemans
The centaurs of Greek mythology are creatures that are part human and part horse. They are usually portrayed with the torso and head of a human, and the body of a horse. Centaurs are the followers of the wine god Dionysus and are well known for drunkenness and carrying off helpless young maidens. They inhabited Mount Pelion in Thessaly, northern Greece. According to one myth, they are the offspring of Ixion, the king of Lapithae (Thessaly), and a cloud. He had arranged a tryst with Hera, but Zeus got wind of it and fashioned a cloud into Hera’s shape. Therefore, the Centaurs are sometimes called Ixionidae.

Notorious is their bestial behavior on the wedding of Pirithous, king of the Lapiths. They violated the female guests and attempted to abduct the bride. What followed was a bloody battle, after which they were driven from Thessaly. An exception was the kind and wise centaur Chiron, the teacher of the Greek heroes Jason and Achilles.

In medieval romances, the centaurs were called “Sagittary.”

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Centipede
by Micha F. Lindemans
A terrifying, man-eating monster the size of a mountain. It lived in the mountains of Japan near Lake Biwa. The dragon king of that particular lake asked the famous hero Hidesato to kill it for him. The hero slew it by shooting an arrow, dipped in his own saliva, into the brain of the monster. The dragon king rewarded Hidesato by giving him a rice-bag; a bag of rice which could not be emptied and it fed his family for centuries.

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Cerberus
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Greek mythology, the three-headed watchdog who guards the entrance to the lower world, the Hades. It is a child of the giant Typhon and Echidna, a monstrous creature herself, being half woman and half snake.
Originally, the dog was portrayed having fifty or hundred heads but was later pictured with only three heads (and sometimes with the tail of a serpent). Cerberus permitted new spirits to enter the realm of dead, but allowed none of them to leave. Only a few ever managed to sneak past the creature, among which Orpheus, who lulled it to sleep by playing his lyre, and Heracles, who brought it to the land of the living for a while (being the last of his Twelve Labors).

In Roman mythology, the Trojan prince Aeneas and Psyche were able to pacify it with honey cake. (See also: Garm.)
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Ceryneian Hind
by Ron Leadbetter
The fourth labor was to capture the Hind of Cerynaea, the hind was known as Cerynitis. Eurystheus bestowed this task upon Heracles knowing full well that the animal was the sacred property of Artemis, that meant he would be committing impiety against the goddess. Artemis found a small herd of five while out hunting, she captured four to harness to her chariot, but the fifth escaped to Mount Cerynaea which borders Arcadia and Achaea. The animal was larger than a bull, brazen-hoofed also with huge golden horns or antlers of a stag.
With the hind being swift of foot it took Heracles a whole year to get close to the creature. He tracked the hind through Greece and into Thrace, (in some versions it says the chase took Heracles as far as Istria and the northern lands of the Hyperboreans). Never daunted by the long chase, Heracles was waiting for the hind to tire, this was not to be, and the hind seemed to have plenty of stamina and agility left.

Heracles knew he must disable the creature in some way, then by chance the hind stopped to drink at a river. Taking an arrow and removing the blood of the Hydra from the tip, Heracles took aim and hit the hind in the leg, making it lame, this made catching the creature much easier. Heracles bound the wound and then set off on his long journey home. On the way to the palace of Eurystheus he was met by the goddess Artemis and her twin brother Apollo. On seeing the Ceryneian Hind, the huntress accused Heracles of sacrilege. Heracles pleaded with them, saying it was a necessity to return the sacred hind to the court of king Eurystheus, as he was bound by the labor imposed on him. Artemis granted Heracles forgiveness and he was allowed to carry the hind alive to the palace.
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Cherufe
by Micha F. Lindemans
The Cherufe is a enormous lava creature in Chilean mythology who lives in volcanoes and feeds upon young maidens. To protect the local population, the sun god sent his two warrior daughters to guard the Cherufe. With them they brought magical swords which are capable of freezing the creature. But on occasion it will escape and thereby causing volcanic eruptions.

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Chimera
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Greek mythology, the Chimera is a monster, depicted as an animal with the head of a lion, the body of a she-goat, and the tail of a dragon (sometimes it has multiple heads). It is a child of Typhon and Echidna. It terrorized Lycia (in Asia Minor), but was eventually killed by the Corinthian hero Bellerophon.

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Cretan Bull
by Ron Leadbetter
The seventh labor took Heracles outside of the Peloponnese to Crete. The task was to capture a savage bull which had extraordinary strength and ferocity. (There are many variations to whether it was the bull that galloped over the waves carrying Europa to the island, or the wonderful beast Pasiphae, the wife of Minos, king of Crete, fell in love with, and with her sired the Minotaur).
When Heracles reached the island of Crete, the king, Minos, gave full approval to Heracles to capture and take the menacing bull back to Eurystheus, since it had caused havoc as it roamed freely throughout his domain. To capture the bull the hero made a lasso, and then chased the great beast until it weakened, throwing the lasso over the bulls head. Then, calming the beast into submission, Heracles leapt on to the bull’s back and rode the creature across the sea to the palace of Eurystheus.

Heracles presented the bull to Eurystheus, who, on seeing the magnificent beast, wanted to sacrifice it to Hera. The goddess who disliked the hero, refused the offering, saying it reflected glory on the deeds of Heracles, so the bull was released to run wild in Greece. Later it reached the plains of Marathon, where it was captured by Theseus. It was said that Theseus took pride in doing deeds in the pattern of his great kinsman.

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Cusith
by Micha F. Lindemans
An enormous hound of the Scottish Highlands. It is said to be a dark green in color, with a long braided tail and the size of a bullock. Whenever his baying was heard on the moors, farmers would quickly lock up their women because the hound’s mission was to round up women and drive them to a fairy mound so they might supply milk for fairy children.

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Dragon
by Graig Bakay
Few creatures of folklore and mythology conjure up the mental images of the dragon. Also known as wurm, wyrm and firedrake, these mercurial creatures pervade almost every pantheon of classical mythology and have become an integral inclusion of an entire genre of fantasy literature.
Descriptions of the beast’s benevolence vary from the playful Puff (of Peter Yarrow’s song) to the sinister Smaug in J.R.R. Tolkien’s “The Hobbit”. Babylonian legends portray the Queen of Darkness as a multi-headed dragon – Tiamat. Walt Disney’s Sleeping Beauty features a battle between Prince Phillip and the evil Maleficent and the Germanic myth “Die Nibelungen” climaxes with the battle between Siegfried and the giant Fafnir, who has transformed himself into a wyrm in an effort to become more frightening.

Physical characteristics of dragons also vary but several consistencies are usually present. The beasts are typically depicted as huge lizards, larger than elephants on average. Long fangs are generally accepted as are twin horns of varying length. Western cultures generally include large bat-like wings giving the dragon the capability of flight. But eastern dragons, usually wingless, use a more magical means of flying. As well, eastern dragons tend to be more snake-like in nature, albeit with front and rear legs.
Most dragons will be covered in scales, although there are some with a leathery skin. Coloring ranges the entire gamut of the spectrum but red, green, black and gold appear to be the most common. It is also generally accepted that most dragons are magical creatures in nature and have the ability to breathe fire (as a weapon). Some dragons may have a modification in this breath weapon (frost, lightning, gas) but this appears to be purely a fabrication of fantasy role-playing games and the myths they spawn.

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Each uisge
by Micha F. Lindemans
The each uisge, in Ireland called the Aughisky, is analogous with the Kelpie, but far more dangerous. After he carried the unsuspecting victim into the water, it would tear him apart and devour the entire body except for the liver. As long as the each uisge is ridden in the interior, he is rather harmless. But the merest glimpse or smell of water would mean the end of the rider. The creature assumes human shape, woos maidens, and can be recognized only by the water weeds in his hair.

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Fear Liath More
by Traci Anderson
Fear Liath More, or the Grey Man, is a creature said to have inhabited the vicinity of the summit cairn of Ben MacDhui, one of the six great peaks of the Scottish Cairngorm Mountains, for generations. The Grey Man is identified as a presence encountered both physically and psychically. In its physical form, the Grey Man is most often described as quite large and broad shouldered, standing fully erect and being in excess of 10 feet in height, with long waving arms. He is also reportedly olive complected or, alternatively, covered with short brown hair. Because of this, some tend to associate him with the Bigfoot or Sasquatch of North American fame, or the Yeti of the Himalayas. Footprints found on the summit of Ben MacDhui do closely resemble the “typical” Bigfoot imprint. However, this association is misleading, as the Grey Man has far more interesting identifying characteristics than his physical description alone.
More frequently, the Grey Man is encountered in physical sensation, but without a true physical form. Sensations of this type include vast, dark blurs which obscure the sky, strange crunching noises, echoing footsteps which pursue the listener, an icy feeling in the surrounding atmosphere, as well as a physical feeling of a cold grip on, or brush against, the observer’s flesh. There is also a high pitched humming sound, or the Singing as it is sometimes called, which is associated with Ben MacDhui and the Grey Man.

Additionally, the Grey Man has an extremely powerful psychic effect. Visitors to Ben MacDhui report a feeling of overwhelming negative energy. Occasionally this is described as extreme lethargy and despondency. More often, it is typified by acute fear, apprehension and an overwhelming panic, leading to suicidal thoughts or physical flight from the area. Generally, this fear is accompanied by the physical sound of echoing footsteps chasing the observer, and sometimes the sound of a resonant and yet completely incomprehensible voice which seems to be faintly Gaelic in nature.

Curiously, the Grey Man has a distinct area of influence. At a certain point in their downward flight all observers report that the negative energies and feelings of fear end as abruptly as they began. The Grey Man has most often been encountered within this century by mountaineers climbing in the Cairngorms. He has also been described in several books, including Affleck Gray’s The Big Grey Man of Ben MacDhui and F.W. Holiday’s, The Goblin Universe.

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Feng-huang
by Micha F. Lindemans
The Chinese phoenix and the personification of the primordial force of the heavens. Feng-huang has the head and the comb of a pheasant and the tail of a peacock.

The name of Feng-huang in traditional Chinese format.

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Fenrir
by Micha F. Lindemans
Fenrir (or Fenris) is a gigantic and terrible monster in the shape of a wolf. He is the eldest child of Loki and the giantess Angrboda. The gods learned of a prophecy which stated that the wolf and his family would one day be responsible for the destruction of the world. They caught the wolf and locked him in a cage. Only the god of war, Tyr, dared to feed and take care of the wolf.
When he was still a pup they had nothing to fear, but when the gods saw one day how he had grown, they decided to render him harmless. However, none of the gods had enough courage to face the gigantic wolf. Instead, they tried to trick him. They said the wolf was weak and could never break free when he was chained. Fenrir accepted the challenge and let the gods chain him. Unfortunately, he was so immensely strong that he managed to break the strongest fetters as if they were cobwebs.

After that, the gods saw only one alternative left: a magic chain. They ordered the dwarves to make something so strong that it could hold the wolf. The result was a soft, thin ribbon: Gleipnir. It was incredibly strong, despite what its size and appearance might suggest. The ribbon was fashioned of six strange elements: the footstep of a cat; the roots of a mountain; a woman’s beard; the breath of fishes; the sinews of a bear; and a bird’s spittle.

The gods tried to trick the wolf again, only this time Fenrir was less eager to show his strength. He saw how thin the chain was, and said that was no pride in breaking such a weak chain. Eventually, though, he agreed, thinking that otherwise his strength and courage would be doubted. Suspecting treachery however, he in turn asked the gods for a token of good will: one of them had to put a hand between his jaws. The gods were not overly eager to do this, knowing what they could expect. Finally, only Tyr agreed, and the gods chained the wolf with Gleipnir. No matter how hard Fenrir struggled, he could not break free from this thin ribbon. In revenge, he bit off Tyr’s hand.

Being very pleased with themselves, the gods carried Fenrir off and chained him to a rock (called Gioll) a mile down into the earth. They put a sword between his jaws to prevent him from biting. On the day of Ragnarok, Fenrir will break his chains and join the giants in their battle against the gods. He will seek out Odin and devour him. Vidar, Odin’s son, will avenge his father by killing the wolf.

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Firebird
by Cyril Korolev
In Russian folklore the Firebird (Zshar-ptitsa) is a miraculous bird. Its feathers shine like silver and gold, its eyes sparkle like crystals, and it is usually been seen sitting on a golden perch. At midnight this bird comes to gardens and fields and illuminates the night as brightly as a thousand lights; just one feather from its tail could light up a dark room. The Firebird eats golden apples which give any who eat them youth, beauty and immortality; when the bird sings, pearls would fall from its beak. The Firebird’s chants can heal the sick and return the vision to the blind.

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Gagana
by Cyril Korolev
In Russian folklore Gagana is a miraculous bird with the iron beak and copper claws; it lives on the Booyan island. This bird is often mentioned in incantations.

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Gamayun
by Cyril Korolev
In Russian legends the Gamayun is a miraculous, prophetic bird. It lives on a island which lays in the east, close to Paradise.

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Garafena
by Cyril Korolev
In Russian folklore Garafena is a magical snake. According to the legends, Garafena lies upon a golden artefact on the Booyan island. This snake is called upon in incantations against snake bites.

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Gargouille
by Micha F. Lindemans
The great dragon that lived in the river Seine (France) and which ravaged Rouen. It was slain in the 7th century by the Archbishop of Rouen, St. Romanus.

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Gargoyle
by Micha F. Lindemans
Gargoyles are the grotesque carvings of faces and bodies of humans and animals. Serving originally as water spouts to direct the water clear of a wall, they can often be found on (Gothic) buildings and churches. In medieval times, the function of Gargoyles changed. They became representations of religious events, created for the illiterate population to “read”.

From the fact that Gargoyles are such hideous creatures stems the notion that they were created to avert evil. Placed on the outside of buildings supposedly kept evil out. In later times, most of them became mainly ornamental and served no other purpose than decoration.

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Giant
by Micha F. Lindemans
The giants in mythology are primordial creatures of enormous size, the personifications of the forces of nature. They usually are the enemies of humans and often battle the gods (such as the Greek Titans, the Irish Fomorians and the Norse giants of Jotunheim).
Giants frequently play a significant part in the Creation Myths. They existed long before the gods and humans came. With the appearance of gods there followed a struggle between the two, in which the giants got the worst of it. When a giant was slain by a mighty god, the god would create heaven and earth from the giants body (see: Ymir and Tiamat). Even in the bible there are references to giants. In Genesis it is said that “in those days there were giants in the earth” and of course there is the story of David and Goliath, although the latter can hardly be considered a giant, being only 3 meters (9,8 ft), when compared to the giants in mythology and folklore.

There are many fairy tales in which giants appear. Those giants are usually very stupid, greedy and fond of human flesh. Often a resourceful young man (named Jack) is able to kill or defeat the giant (Jack and the Bean Stalk, Jack the Giant Killer). However, not all the giants are evil; in some tales they are kind beings, who befriend little children.

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Glashtyn
by Micha F. Lindemans
The Manx version of the water horse, the Phooka.

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Gorgoniy
by Cyril Korolev
In Russian folklore the Gorgoniy is a mythical beast who protects Paradise against mortals, similar to Gabriel the Archangel.

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Griffin
by Micha F. Lindemans
The Griffin is a legendary creature with the head, beak and wings of an eagle, the body of a lion and occasionally the tail of a serpent or scorpion. Its origin lies somewhere in the Middle East where it is found in the paintings and sculptures of the ancient Babylonians, Assyrians and Persians. In Greek mythology, they took gold from the stream Arimaspias and, neighbors of the Hyperboreans, they belonged to Zeus. The later Romans used them for decoration and even in Christian times the Griffin motif often appears. Griffins were frequently used as gargoyles on medieval churches and buildings.

In more recent times, the Griffin only appears in literature and heraldry.

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Hippocampus
by Marissa Montanez, Clarksville Middle School
The hippocampus was a fabled sea animal from Greek mythology. It was found in classical myth. It resembles a horse with the hind parts of a fish or dolphin. The chariot of Poseidon was drawn by a hippocampus. The name comes from the Greek hippos, horse; and kampos, sea monster. ——————————————————————————-
Hippogriff
by Micha F. Lindemans
A legendary animal, half horse and half griffin. Its father was a griffin and its mother was a filly. It is often found in ancient Greek art and appeared largely in medieval legends. It is also a symbol of love (Ariosto: Orlando furioso, iv, 18,19).

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Hydra
by Ron Leadbetter
The Hydra which lived in the swamps near to the ancient city of Lerna in Argolis, was a terrifying monster which like the Nemean lion was the offspring of Echidna (half maiden – half serpent), and Typhon (had 100 heads), other versions think that the Hydra was the offspring of Styx and the Titan Pallas. The Hydra had the body of a serpent and many heads (the number of heads deviates from five up to one hundred there are many versions but generally nine is accepted as standard), of which one could never be harmed by any weapon, and if any of the other heads were severed another would grow in its place (in some versions two would grow). Also the stench from the Hydra’s breath was enough to kill man or beast (in other versions it was a deadly venom). When it emerged from the swamp it would attack herds of cattle and local villagers, devouring them with its numerous heads. It totally terrorized the vicinity for many years.

Heracles journeyed to Lake Lerna in a speedy chariot, and with him he took his nephew and charioteer Iolaus, in search of the dreaded Hydra. When they finally reached the Hydras’ hiding place, Heracles told Iolaus to stay with the horses while he drew the monster from its hole with flaming arrows. This brought out the hideous beast. Heracles courageously attacked the beast, flaying at each head with his sword, (in some versions a scythe) but he soon realized that as one head was severed another grew in its place. Heracles called for help from Iolaus, telling him to bring a flaming torch, and as Heracles cut off the heads one by one from the Hydra, Iolaus cauterized the open wounds with the torch preventing them from growing again. As Heracles fought the writhing monster he was almost stifled by its obnoxious breath, but eventually, with the help of Iolaus, Heracles removed all but one of the Hydras’ heads. The one remaining could not be harmed by any weapon, so, picking up his hefty club Heracles crushed it with one mighty blow, he then tore off the head with his bare hands and quickly buried it deep in the ground, placing a huge boulder on the top. After he had killed the Hydra, Heracles dipped the tips of his arrows into the Hydras’ blood, which was extremely poisonous, making them deadly.

Other versions say that while Heracles fought the Hydra the goddess Hera sent down a giant crab which attacked his feet). This legend comes from a marble relief dating from the 2nd century BCE found at ancient Lerna, showing Heracles attacking the Hydra, and near his feet is a huge crab. Also other legends say that a stray arrow set alight the forest, and it was the burning trunks which Heracles ripped up and used to cauterize the open wounds.

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Indrik the Beast
by Cyril Korolev
In Russian folklore Indrik the beast is a miraculous beast, the lord of animals. He lives on “the saint mountain” and treads there where no other foot may tread. When he stirs, the Earth tremble. This beast has two horns, he rules the water with snakes and crocodiles. According to a legend, Indrik has rescued people from a drought.
His name is a distorted version of the word “unicorn”.

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Intulo
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Zulu tradition, a lizard-like creature with human characteristics.

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Jabberwock
by Micha F. Lindemans
The Jabberwock is the eponymous central figure in a strange, almost gibberish poem by Lewis Carroll, called “The Jabberwocky”, which appeared in Through the Looking-glass. It was represented as a dragon-like creature by Sir John Tenniel, who did the illustrations for Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass and Alice in Wonderland.

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Jormungand
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Norse mythology, Jormungand is one of the three children of the god Loki and his wife, the giantess Angrboda. The gods were well aware that this monster was growing fast and that it would one day bring much evil upon gods and men. So Odin deemed it advisable to render it harmless. He threw the serpent in the ocean that surrounds the earth, but the monster had grown to such an enormous size that it easily spans the entire world, hence the name Midgard Serpent. It lies deep in the ocean where it bites itself in its tail, and all mankind is caught within his coils.
At the destruction of the universe, Jormungand and Thor will kill each other.

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Kelpie
by Micha F. Lindemans
In old Scotland, the Kelpie is a treacherous water devil who lurks in lakes and rivers. It usually assumes the shape of a young horse. When a tired traveler stops by a lake to rest or to have a drink, he would see a horse, apparently peacefully grazing. When he mounts the horse, the Kelpie dives into the water and drowns its victim. Occasionally is helped millers by keeping the mill-wheel going at night.

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Ki-lin
by Micha F. Lindemans
A mythical being of Chinese mythology, comparable with the western unicorn. Ki-lin personifies all that is good, pure, and peaceful. It lives in paradise and only visits the world at the birth of a wise philosopher. The unicorn, which can become one thousand year old, is portrayed as a deer with one horn, the tail of an ox, the hooves of a horse, and a body covered with the scales of a fish. It is one of the four Ling.

The name of the Ki-lin in traditional Chinese format.

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Kludde
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Belgian folklore, a water spirit which roams the Flemish country side. This creature, called Kludde, hides in the twilight of dawn and sunset and attacks innocent travelers. Warned travelers listen for the only sound which betrays that Kludde is in the vicinity: the rattling of the chains with which the spirit is covered.

Kludde usually appears in the shape of a monstrous black dog that walks on his hind legs. The faster one walks, the faster this monster follows, often swinging through the trees like a giant snake. No one can ever hope to outrun or escape this creature. The dog is not the only shape in which it can be seen. It can also assume the shape of a huge, hairy, black cat or a horrible black bird.

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Kraken
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Norwegian sea folklore, the Kraken is an enormous sea monster which would sometimes attack ships and feed upon the sailors. It was supposed to be capable of dragging down the largest ships and when submerging could suck down a vessel by the whirlpool it created. It is part octopus and part crab, although others refer to it as a giant squid or cuttlefish. (See also: Sea Serpent.) It was first described by Pontoppidan in his History of Norway (1752).

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Kulshedra
by Micha F. Lindemans
A different name for dragon-like creature Bolla from Albanian folklore.

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Lambton Worm
by Sophia Pacheco
The Lambton ‘Worm’ (old english for ‘dragon’) has long been part of folklore in Durham, England. The ‘worm’ began wreaking havoc in the middle ages, when a young member of the Lambton family caught an eel-like creature while fishing on a Sunday. He threw it down a well, where it grew to an enormous size. When the youth went off to on a crusade, the worm escaped the well and devoured anything that came near. It is said that the worm was long enough to wrap itself around the hill, now called “worm hill”, completely three times, and it slept wound around the hill in this manner.
The young man managed to kill the worm upon his return from the crusades — cutting the worm in three pieces — but only with the help of a witch. His promise to her was that he would kill the first creature he met after his victory. Unfortunately, the first creature he met happened to be his father. Unable to murder his father, the young crusader reneged on his promise to the witch and condemned his family to a curse of untimely deaths that continued for nine generations.

Reader’s Digest, ‘Strange Stories and Amazing Facts’, copyright 1977 Reader’s Digest Association Far East Ltd.

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Leviathan
by Micha F. Lindemans
Literally, “coiled”. In the Bible, and especially the Old Testament, the Leviathan is some sort of chaos animal in the shape of a crocodile or a serpent. In other bible texts it is taken to mean a whale or dolphin, because the animal is there described as living in the sea. Later the Leviathan became a symbol of evil, an anti-divine power (some sort of devil) which will be destroyed on Judgement Day.
The Leviathan appears in more than one religion. In Canaanite mythology and literature, it is a monster called Lotan, ‘the fleeing serpent, the coiling serpent, the powerful with the seven heads’. It was eventually killed by Baal. The Leviathan is also the Ugaritic god of evil.

“This great and wide sea, wherein are things creeping innumerable, both small and great beasts. There go the ships: there is that leviathan, whom thou hast made to play therein.”
– Ps. civ, 25-26

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MakaraJust as the mermaid is half human half fish the Makara is half animal half fish. For example, he is sometimes described as having the head of an elephant and the body of a fish. He is generally large and lives in the ocean rather than in lakes or streams.

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Manticore
by Micha F. Lindemans
A monstrous creature which inhabits the forests in Asia, especially in Indonesia, Malaysia and India. The manticore, considered to be the most dangerous predator in these regions, has the body of a lion and a head with human resemblance. The mouth is filled with three rows of razor-sharp teeth and the scaled tail ends in a ball with poisonous darts. The monster stalks through the forest in search of humans. Upon an encounter with a human, the manticore fires a volley of darts at the victim, who dies immediately. This unfortunate person is devoured completely, even the bones and clothing, as well as the possessions this person carried, vanish. When a villager has completely disappeared, this is considered proof of the presence of a manticore.

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Minotaur
by Micha F. Lindemans
Before he ascended the throne of Crete, Minos struggled with his brothers for the right to rule. Minos prayed to Poseidon to send him a snow-white bull, as a sign of approval by the gods for his reign. He promised to sacrifice the bull as an offering, and as a symbol of subservience. A beautiful white bull rose from the sea, but when Minos saw it, he coveted it for himself. He assumed that Poseidon would not mind, so he kept it and sacrificed the best specimen from his herd instead. When Poseidon learned about the deceit, he made Pasipha, Minos’ wife, fall madly in love with the bull. She had Daedalus, the famous architect, make a wooden cow for her. Pasipha climbed into the decoy and fooled the white bull. The offspring of their lovemaking was a monster called the Minotaur.
The creature had the head and tail of a bull on the body of a man. It caused such terror and destruction on Crete that Daedalus was summoned again, but this time by Minos himself. He ordered the architect to build a gigantic, intricate labyrinth from which escape would be impossible. The Minotaur was captured and locked in the labyrinth. Every year for nine years, seven youths and maidens came as tribute from Athens. These young people were also locked in the labyrinth for the Minotaur to feast upon.

When the Greek hero Theseus reached Athens, he learned of the Minotaur and the sacrifices, and wanted to end this. He volunteered to go to Crete as one of the victims. Upon his arrival in Crete, he met Ariadne, Minos’s daughter, who fell in love with him. She promised she would provide the means to escape from the maze if he agreed to marry her. When Theseus did, she gave him a simple ball of thread, which he was to fasten close to the entrance of the maze. He made his way through the maze, while unwinding the thread, and he stumbled upon the sleeping Minotaur. He beat it to death and led the others back to the entrance by following the thread.

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Moddey Dhoo
by Micha F. Lindemans
A ghostly black spaniel that hunted Peel Castle (Isle of Man) for many years. It used to enter the guard room as soon as the candles were lighted and leave at daybreak. While it was present, the guards would perform their nightly duties but forebore all oaths and profane talk. One night, a drunken guard, from bravado, performed the rounds alone. He lost his speech and died in three days. The dog has never appear again.
In 1871, during excavations, the bones of Simon, Bishop of Sodor and Man (died 1247) were uncovered, with the bones of a dog at his feet.

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Monster of Loch Ness, The
by Micha F. Lindemans
A legendary animal which lives in the depths of Loch Ness, a lake in the Highlands of northern Scotland. The size of this monster, Nessie as it is fondly called, is 12-15 m (40-50 ft) and it has a long, snake-like neck. It is popularly believed to be female.
The sightings date back to 565 CE when the Irish Saint Columba claimed he saw the Niseag (the Celtic name for Nessie) when he attended a burial for a man who had been bitten to death by the monster. While it has been sighted in the subsequent centuries, it was not until the 19th century that the sightings become more frequent. The most famous encounter was perhaps in the summer of 1933. On that day Mr. and Mrs. Spicer, returning from a trip to London, saw a monster cross the road, with an animal in his jaws, and submerge in the lake. This incident drew the attention of the world press and Nessie became an international phenomena. There have been many expeditions since, but none as successful as to prove its existence. Also the many sightings, photos and films have been inconclusive.

Other lakes and monsters
Loch Ness is not the only lake reputed to be inhabited by a monster. In Scotland there is also Loch Morar, where there have been sightings of such a creature. In Ireland there are two Loughs (“lakes”), Lough Ree and Lough Fedda, where there have been glimpses of a peista (meremonster). Also in the Scandinavian countries are many tales about monsters in lakes. In Iceland there is the Skrimsl, also called Lagerfljótsskrímslið, which has been seen in the Lagerfljót Lake and in many other lakes besides. In Norway, in Lake Sudal, lives an animal of great size; the head is as big as a small rowboat. The first encounter with the monster of the Storsjö Lake in Sweden took place in 1839. The farmers who saw it claimed it resembled a great sea-horse: red, with white manes. Faster than other monsters, this one can reach speeds up to 70 km (43 mi.) per hour. Another famous monster is that of Lake Okanagan, Canada. This creature, called Ogopogo or Naitaka, has been regularly sighted since 1854.

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Nahuelito
by Micha F. Lindemans
An Argentinian lake monster. Like its counterpart Nessie, it too is named after the lake it supposedly inhabits, the Nahuel Huapi Lake. Descriptions of the appearance of the creature vary rather, as does those of its size.

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Nemean Lion
by Ron Leadbetter
The first labor for the hero Heracles, was to rid the Nemean plain of the wild, enormous and extremely ferocious beast known as the Nemean Lion. This huge creature was the son of the monsters Typhon (who had 100 heads) and Echidna (half maiden – half serpent), and brother of the Theban Sphinx, in some legends it is said that the Nemean lion was suckled by Selene the goddess of the moon, other versions say that it was nursed by the goddess Hera.
Heracles set out to find the monster, which roamed the land of Argolis. Armed with his bow and arrows, (in some versions usually the Classical period he also had a bronze sword) and his club (made from an olive tree which he tore up from the roots). Hunting through the Nemean forest trying to find the lions lair, he suddenly stopped in his tracks when he heard a fearsome roar. Heracles turned and saw the huge lion rushing toward him. Quick as a flash Heracles drew his bow and released an arrow, but it failed to harm the lion. As the monster bore down on Heracles he quickly fired another arrow, and again it did no harm, the bronze heads bending as if hitting solid rock; the skin of this creature could not be penetrated by the sharpest of points. The lion pounced, but Heracles smashed his heavy club into the on coming monster, stunning it.

Realizing no weapon could kill this monster he rid himself of them, and fought the monster with his bare hands, with incredible strength, Heracles wrapped his great arms around the lions neck and strangled it to death. Once the huge monster was dead Heracles set about skinning the beast, but the skin was so tough he could neither tear or cut it. Then he tried the enormous claws which were very sharp, this time it penetrated the hide and Heracles removed his trophy. Realizing how impenetrable it was he threw it over himself as a cloak, and pulling the head over his own as a helmet making the pelt into armor which would make him even more powerful. From this time on the skin of the Nemean Lion became one of the attributes of Heracles, and so did the olive-wood club.

In art the hero is usually depicted wearing the Nemean lion skin, its jaws forming the peak of the helmet while its great clawed paws are knotted at his chest forming a hooded cloak, and he is usually leaning on his club, or hanging it on his shoulder.

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Nixes
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Norse folklore, they are water spirits who try to lure people into the water. The males can assume many different shapes, including that of a human, fish, and snake. The females are beautiful women with the tail of a fish. When they are in human forms they can be recognized by the wet hem of their clothes. The Nixes are considered as malignant in some quarters, but as harmless and friendly in others.

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Ogre
by Micha F. Lindemans
In folklore and fairy tales Ogres are creatures of very malignant disposition, who live on human flesh. They are larger and broader than a man but somewhat shorter than a giant. The word was first used (and probably invented) by Perrault in his Histoires ou Contes du temps passé (1697).

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Orc
by Micha F. Lindemans
A sea-monster fabled by Ariosto, Drayton, and Sylvester to devour men and women. According to Pliny, it was a huge creature ‘armed with teeth’.

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Ouzelum Bird
by Micha F. Lindemans
A fabulous bird that flies backwards and thus does not know where it is going, but likes to know where it has been.

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Pegasus
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Greek mythology, Pegasus is the winged horse that was fathered by Poseidon with Medusa. When her head was cut of by the Greek hero Perseus, the horse sprang forth from her pregnant body. His galloping created the well Hippocrene on the Helicon (a mountain in Boeotia).

When the horse was drinking from the well Pirene on the Acrocotinth, Bellerophon’s fortress, the Corinthian hero was able to capture the horse by using a golden bridle, a gift from Athena. The gods then gave him Pegasus for killing the monster Chimera but when he attempted to mount the horse it threw him off and rose to the heavens, where it became a constellation (north of the ecliptic).

In another version, Bellerophon killed the Chimera while riding on Pegasus, and when he later attempted to ride to the summit of Mount Olympus, Zeus sent a gadfly to sting the horse, and it threw Bellerophon off its back.

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Phoenix
by Micha F. Lindemans
In ancient Greek and Egyptian mythology, the phoenix is a mythical bird and associated with the Egyptian sun-god Re and the Greek Phoibos (Apollo). According to the Greeks the bird lives in Arabia, nearby a cool well. Each morning at dawn, it would bathe in the water and sing such a beautiful song, that the sun-god stops his chariot to listen. There exists only one phoenix at the time.
When it felt its death approaching (every 500 or 1461 years), it would build a nest of aromatic wood and set it on fire, and was consumed by the flames. When it was burned, a new phoenix sprang forth from the pyre. It then embalmed the ashes of its predecessor in an egg of myrrh and flew with it to Heliopolis (“city of the sun”). There it would deposit the egg on the altar of the sun god.

In Egypt is was usually depicted as a heron, but in the classic literature as a peacock, or an eagle. The phoenix symbolizes immortality, resurrection, and life after death. In that aspect it was often placed on sarcophagi. It is associated with the Egyptian Benu, the Garuda of the Hindus, and the Chinese Feng-huang.

Judaic lore mentions that the phoenix achieved its unique status as an immortal bird because it refrained from bothering the overburdened Noah during the Flood voyage (Sanh. 108b).

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Questing BeastOne day, when King Arthur stopped to rest by a spring, he was surprised by a sound like thirty baying hounds. A strange animal with a snakes head the body of a leopard the back legs of a lion and the hooves of a deer burst through the underbrush, pursued by king Pellinore. Pellinore had hunted the Questing Beast, as the creature was called, all his life but never managed to capture it. Malory describes it as “the strongeste beste that ever he [Arthur] saw or herde of.”
This strange best reappears frequently, beginning with Suite du Merlin and Perlesvaus, in French, Spanish, and Italian romance and in Malory.

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Raicho
by Micha F. Lindemans
The Japanese Thunder-Bird. It looks like a rook, but can make a terrible noise. The creature lives in a pine tree.

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Re’em
by Ilil Arbel, Ph.D.
Many monsters were created on the Sixth Day, some destroyed during the Flood, some still with us. The re’em is described as a giant even among these strange animals. At any given time, only two exist, one male and one female, because had more of them existed, the world could not support them. No one is certain what the re’em looks like. The sources describe him as fierce, fast, and indomitable. Scholars argue about the number of his horns, some say he has one, like a unicorn or a rhinoceros. Some say two, and he could be related to the giant aurochs (Bos primigenius), a species of a wild ox that became extinct during the sixteenth century. On the other hand, he may be a purely mythological creature, based on the bas-reliefs of the huge Mesopotamian and Egyptian beasts that were unquestionably familiar to the Jews of the Talmudic era.
The re’ems live at the opposite ends of the earth, one in the east, the other in the west, and for seventy years never see each other — until the day of their mating. Finally they meet, mate once, and then the female kills the male with one bite.

The female becomes pregnant, and her pregnancy lasts for twelve years. During the last year she cannot walk, only role from side to side, and she survives only because her saliva waters the earth around her sufficiently to produce enough vegetation for her support. Instead of giving birth, her stomach bursts open and she dies instantly. However, twins are born, one male and one female. They get up immediately and wander away, one to the east, one to the west.

During the flood, when Noah collected all the animals into the arc, the re’ems came to join the procession. However, because of their giant size, they could not fit into the arc. Yet Noah saved them. One version claims he tied them behind the arc, and they followed it by running and later by swimming. Another version tells that the flood happened just as the young re’ems were born, so they were small enough to fit in the arc.

King David had an encounter with a re’em. When David was still a simple shepherd, he saw a sleeping re’em and thought it was a mountain. He started climbing it, and the re’em woke up and lifted David on his gigantic horns. David vowed that if God saved his life, he would build Him a temple, a building as high as the re’em himself. God heard him and sent a lion. As the lion is the king of the beasts, the re’em bowed to him by prostrating himself on the ground, and David could descend from the horns. Then God sent a deer, and the lion started chasing her. So David was saved from both the lion and the re’em.

Sources:
Ginzberg, Louis. Legends of the Jews. The John Hopkins University Press, Baltimore and London, 1998 Shepard, Odell. The Lore of the Unicorn. Harper and Row Publishers, New York, 1979

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Roc
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Arabian legends, the Roc are gigantic birds, often referred to as ‘the Great’, and capable of carrying off elephants for food. They are found in various stories of ‘The Thousand and One Nights’, and are also mentioned to by Marco Polo on his travels. Their eggs, according to Sinbad the Sailor, could measure up to 50 paces in circumference.
The Rocs are probably based on the Elephant-bird, which lived on Madagascar.

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SafatMaybe the most curious bird of all is the Safat. She is supposed to spend all her time flying and never comes to rest. As she soars, usually high, she lays her eggs which hatch while they are falling through the air. Only the shells reach the ground, and if part of a shell is eaten by an animal, the animal will go mad.

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Sasquatch
by Micha F. Lindemans
North American version of the Abominable Snowman, the Yeti, in the Himalayas. In Canada it is called ‘Sasquatch’, while in the United States they popularly refer to it as Bigfoot.

The word Sasquatch closely resembles and is derived from several native names for the creature used by tribes in the coastal area of the Pacific north west. The creature is supposed to be at least 2,1 m (6,9 ft) tall, but adults can be as tall as 3,5 m (11,5 ft). Its footprints measure somewhere between 40-55 cm (16-20 in). It has long arms, an ape-like face with a flat nose, and thick hairy fur. Sasquatch lives in the caves and hidden valleys of Canada and North America.

It was first seen (by white men) in 1811 and since then there have been hundreds of reports on sightings and encounters. There are several photos and films of the creature, besides casts taken from its footprints, but many of these turned out to be forgeries. There are numerous people who claim they have either seen the creature itself or its tracks. Expeditions set out to search for Bigfoot have never found it, nor is there scientific evidence for its existence.

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Sea Serpent
by Micha F. Lindemans
Imaginary snake-like creatures of monstrous size that inhabit the deep. In the early times of seafaring, but also until more recent times, many sailors mentioned the existence of such creatures, and they were accounted for destroying a great number of ships. These tales were largely exaggerated and probably based on sightings of large amounts of floating seaweed and ordinary marine creatures such as a sea snake and oarfish. A monster such as a sea snake is reputed to exist in Loch Ness.

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Selkie
by Micha F. Lindemans
The shy Selkies are marine creatures in the shape of a seal. They can be found near the islands of Orkney and Shetland. A female can shed her skin and come ashore as a beautiful woman. When a man finds the skin, he can force the Selkie to be a good, if somewhat sad, wife. Should she ever recover the skin, she will immediately return to sea, leaving her husband behind. The male Selkies are responsible for storms and also for the sinking of ships, which is their way of avenging the hunting of seals.

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Simurgh
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Persian legend Simurgh is a gigantic, winged monster in the shape of a bird; a kind of peacock with the head of a dog and the claws of a lion. Its natural habitat is a place with plenty of water. According to legend, the creature is so old that it has seen the world destroyed three times over. In all that time, Simurgh has learned so much that it is thought to possess the knowledge of all ages.

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Singa
by Micha F. Lindemans
A mythical creature of the Indonesian Batak people who live in the mountains in Sumatra. Although the name means “lion”, it resembles no living creature. Its representation, generally confined to the head, is the synthesis of several superior forms of creation and its appearance varies between the buffalo and a distorted human figures. However, some Singas show clearly identifiable legs beside the face and every form of intermediate between the Singa and the clearly anthropomorphic is to be found. Characteristics are invariable the bilateral symmetry, the lengthened face, and round impressive eyes, occasionally accompanied by highly developed eye-brows (which at time are depicted almost like antlers).
The Singa is the dominant theme of Batak decoration, particularly among the Toba Batak where it is to be found on houses, domestic utensils, wooden coffins, stone sarcophagi, copper jewelry, etc. Its omnipresence would seem to indicate above all a protective role.

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Sphinx
by Micha F. Lindemans
In ancient Egypt, the Sphinx is a male statue of a lion with the head of a human, sometimes with wings. Most sphinxes however represent a king in his appearance as the sun god. The name “sphinx” was applied to the portraits of kings by the Greeks who visited Egypt in later centuries, because of the similarity of these statues to their Sphinx. The best known specimen is the Great Sphinx of Gizeh (on the western bank of the Nile) which is not a sphinx at all but the representation of the head of king Khaf-Ra (Chephren) on the body of a crouching body. It was supposedly built in the 4th dynasty (2723-2563 BCE), although others claim it dates back to the 7th-5th millennium.

The Greek Sphinx was a demon of death and destruction and bad luck. She was the offspring of Typhon and Echidna. It was a female creature, sometimes depicted as a winged lion with a feminine head, and sometimes as a female with the breast, paws and claws of a lion, a snake tail and bird wings. She sat on a high rock near Thebes and posed a riddle to all who passed. The riddle was: “What animal is that which in the morning goes on four feet, at noon on two, and in the evening upon three?” Those who could not solve the riddle were strangled by her. Finally Oedipus came along and he was the only who could answer that it was “Man, who in childhood creeps on hands and knees, in manhood walks erect, and in old age with the aid of a staff.” The Sphinx was so mortified at the solving of her riddle that she cast herself down from the rock and perished.

The name ’sphinx’ is derived from the Greek sphingo, which means “to strangle”. In ancient Assyrian myths, the sphinx usually appears as a guardian of temple entrances.

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Tarbh uisge
by Micha F. Lindemans
The water bull, a supernatural creature from the highlands of Scotland.

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Tatzlwurm
by Sophia Pacheco
Also known as the tunnel worm, jumping worm or mountain stump. The tazel worm, a worm-like lizard about two to three feet long with two or four short legs, is said to be so poisonous that even its breath could kill a human. It is also said to be very agressive, attacking anything that moves. Rumored to live in the Alps, some say that it can jump two or three yards in one bound. Its scales are supposedly so thick that blades cannot pierce them.

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Tikbalang
by Micha F. Lindemans
A half-man half-horse creature from Philippine folklore. It lives in secluded areas in swamps. It is said that the knees of the tikbalang rise above its head, hiding its face. The tikbalang is responsible for misleading travelers so that they will get lost. However, a traveler may find his way back by wearing his shirt inside-out. It is also believed that if it rains with the sun fully out, a tikbalang is getting married.

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Troll
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Scandinavian myth, trolls are ugly, malicious creatures and the enemies of mankind. They are much bigger and stronger than humans, and leave their caves only after dark to hunt. If they are exposed to sunlight they will instantly turn to stone. Trolls are very fond of human flesh. In later myths they are roughly the size of humans or elves, and thought to be the owners of buried treasures. They are sometimes, although very rarely, portrayed as friendly, less ugly creatures.

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Unhcegila
by Gerald Musinsky
A land creature often depicted as dragon-like and was the source of mysterious deaths and inexplicable disappearances.
[Plains, Lakota]
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Unicorn
by Micha F. Lindemans
The unicorn is a legendary animal. It is usually portrayed as a slender, white horse with a spiraling horn on its forehead, although its appearance and behavior differs, depending on the location. In the west it was usually considered wild and untamable, while in the Orient it was peaceful, meek and thought to be the bringer of good luck. There it is usually depicted as a goat-like creature, with cloven hooves and a beard. In Japan it is called Kirin, and in China Ki-lin.
The word “unicorn” is based on the Hebrew word re’em (“horn”), in early versions of the Old Testament translated as “monokeros”, meaning “one horn”, which became “unicorn” in English. The creature is possibly based on the rhinoceros or the narwhal, a marine creature with one horn.
In the west it was first mentioned by the Greek historian Ctesias in 398 BCE. According to him they lived in India and he described them as ‘wild asses which are as big as a horse, even bigger. Their bodies are white, their heads dark red and their eyes are deep blue. They have a single horn on their forehead which is approximately half-a-meter long.’ This description was based on the tales of travelers, and is a mixture of an Indian rhinoceros, the Himalayan antelope, and the wild ass.

The horn itself is white at the base, black in the middle and with a sharp, red tip. It is believed to possess healing abilities. Dust filed from the horn was thought to protect against poison, and many diseases. It could even resurrect the dead. Amongst royalty and nobility in the Middle Ages, it became quite fashionable to own a drinking cup made of the horn of an unicorn, not in the least because it was supposed to detect poison.

The belief in the healing abilities of the horn is probably based on a medieval story. In this particular tale, many animals once gathered around a pool in the midst of night. The water was poisoned and they could not drink from it, until a unicorn appeared. He simply dipped his horn in the pool and the water became fresh and clean again.

Another medieval story tells of the capture of a unicorn by a maiden. The unicorn was far too fast and wild for the man that was hunting him. He could only be tamed by a maiden who sat lonely underneath a tree in the woods. Attracted by the scent of purity he would lay his head on her lap and she would rock him to sleep. Then she would cut of his horn, and leave him for the hunter and his dogs.

There have been attempts to give these tales a Christian interpretation. In the first tale the horn symbolizes the cross and the pool the sins of the world. In the second story the maiden was Maria, the unicorn Jesus Christ and the horn a representation of the unity of the Father and the Son. Jesus, embodied in the unicorn, was killed for sake of a sinful world.
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Unwaba
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Zulu tradition, a mythical chameleon that was send by the sky-god to tell humanity they had eternal life. Because the creature was so slow, humans and other species became mortal after all. The color of a chameleon changes from green to brown, this because it mourns the fact that Unwaba was too slow. ——————————————————————————
Vegetable Lamb
by Sophia Pacheco
The tale of the Vegetable Lamb of Tartary comes from the Middle Ages, a traveler’s tale from the far east. It’s full name was ‘Planta Tartarica Barometz’ – ‘barometz’ is the Tartar word for ‘lamb’. The fruit of the Vegetable Lamb was cotton, but travelers from Europe knew nothing about cotton in those times. They reasoned that the material was wool – a fabric they did know. The figured that since wool came from sheep, and that the plant was some kind of animal/plant. They thought that the puffs of cotton were tiny sheep attached to the plant by their navel. It is said that the plant bent to let the sheep graze on the grass beneath it, and that when all the grass was gone, the sheep dropped from the plant and ran off, the tree dying.
The myth of the Vegetable Lamb dates back to the 11th century in the Middle and Far East. It is a species of fern. The ‘body’ of the Vegetable Lamb is the root of the plant.

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Vilkacis
by Aldis Putelis
Vilkacis (to be translated literally as “wolf’s eyes”; ‘werewolf’) is usually a malicious creature; a scary being people can turn into. There are particular ways how the people with this curse turn into the wolves and then get their human appearance back. There are particular places, where this is said to have happened. Although mostly malevolent, on occasion it would bring treasures. It belongs to the same lower level of mythological beings as Dievini, Ragana, Pukis and Vadatajs. It is not clear whether Vilkacis it is human flesh or just the soul that transforms, as their are accounts of moving an apparently asleep person whose soul is out “running as a werewolf”, after what the person turns out to be dead, as the soul couldn’t enter the flesh to return.

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Werewolf
by Micha F. Lindemans
In popular folklore, a man who is transformed, or who transforms himself, into a wolf in nature and appearance under the influence of a full moon. The werewolf is only active at night and during that period, he devours infants and corpses. According to legend, werewolves can be killed by silver objects such as silver arrows and silver bullets. When a werewolf dies he is returned to his human form.
Origin
The word is a contraction of the old-Saxon word wer (which means “man”) and wolf — werwolf, manwolf. A Lycanthrope, a term often used to describe werewolves, however, is someone who suffers from a mental disease and only thinks he has changed into a wolf.

The concept of werewolves, or lycanthropes, is possibly based on the myth of Lycaon. He was the king of Arcadia, and in the time of the ancient Greeks notorious for his cruelty. He tried to buy the favor of Zeus by offering him the flesh of a young child. Zeus punished him for this crime and turned him into a wolf. The legends of werewolves have been told since the ancient Greeks and are known all over the world. In areas where the wolf is not so common, the belief in werewolves is replaced by folklore where men can change themselves in tigers, lions, bears and other fierce animals.

History
In the dark Middle Ages, the Church stigmatized the wolf as the personification of evil and a servant of Satan himself. The Church courts managed to put so much pressure on schizophrenics, epileptics and the mentally disabled, that they testified to be werewolves and admitted to receive their orders directly from Satan. After 1270 it was even considered heretical not to believe in the existence of werewolves.

The charge of being a werewolf disappeared from European courts around the 17th century, but only for the lack of evidence. The belief in werewolves, however, did not completely disappear. In Europe after 1600, it was generally believed that if there were no werewolves, then at least the wolf was a creature of evil. This resulted in an unjustified and negative image of the wolf; an image that most people still have today.

(Greek) lykanthropos – lykos wolf; anthropos human being; Wolfman.

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Wyvern
by Micha F. Lindemans
A creature very similar to a dragon except it only has four limbs (2 wings, 2 hind legs) and is smaller in size. Usually the other aspects are the same, although wyverns are generally not characterized as breathing flame.

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Yali
by Micha F. Lindemans
In Indian legend, the Yali is a creature with the body of a lion and the trunk and tusks of an elephant.

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Yara-ma-yha-who
by Micha F. Lindemans
In aboriginal cultures, there was a vampire-like being, described as a little red man, approximately four feet tall, with a very large head and mouth. It has no teeth and swallowed its food whole. Its most distinguishing features were it hands and feet. It tips of the fingers and toes were shaped like the suckers of an octopus.
The yara-ma-yha-who lived in the tops of fig trees and did not hunt for food, but waited until unsuspecting victims sought shelter under the tree. It then jumped down and placed its hands and feet on the body. It would drain the blood from the victim to the point the person was left weak and helpless, but rarely, to cause the victim to die. The creature would later return and consume its meal. It then drank water and took a nap. When it woke, the undigested portion of its meal would be regurgitated. According to the story, the person regurgitated was still alive, and children were advised to offer no resistance should it be their misfortune to meet a yara-ma-yha-who. Their chances of survival were better if they let the creature swallow them.

People might be captured on several occasions. Each time, they would grow a little shorter until they were the same size as the yara-ma-yha-who. Their skin would first become smooth and then they would begin to grow hair all of their body. Gradually they were changed into one of the mythical little furry creatures of the forest.

The story of the yara-ma-yha-who was told to young children who might wander from the tribe, and to naughty children to scare them that it might come and take them away.

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Yeti
by Micha F. Lindemans
The Abominable Snowman of the Himalayas. In 1951, an expedition found a track on the Menlung Glacier between Tibet and Nepal, at an altitude of 6000 meters. The footprints they saw were 33 cm by 45 cm and were made by a foot which has 5 toes of which the inner toes were larger than the others. The heel was flat and exceptionally broad. The track itself appeared to be fresh so the footprints were not enlarged by melting snow. This was clearly shown by the many photographs they took. Although there were many doubts about these photographs, if they were believed to be true at all. But those who did belief were certain that was not made by any known animal.
Origin
The people of Nepal call it a “rakshasa” which is Sanskrit for “demon”. According to them, stories of its existence date back to the 4th century BCE; references to the Yeti are found in a poem called ‘Rama and Sita’. It has regularly been sighted since 1832. Yeti means “magical creature”. The name ‘The Abominable Snowman’ however, was given to it by western newspapers who wanted to give their readers the feeling of terror which the creature supposedly causes in the valleys, crevices and glaciers of the Himalayas.

According to legends, there are three species: the Rimi (some 2,5 m), the Nyalmot (4,5 m) and the Raksi-Bombo (1,5 m). In spite of differences in size, the species have a general resemblance. The Yeti has reddish hair (although others claim it is gray), smells terrible and it is very strong (it throws boulders as if they were pebbles). It makes an ululating or whistling sound, and is sometimes heard roaring like a lion. The Yeti is rumored to be very fond of strong alcoholic drinks.

There are many uncertainties about its origin, whether it exists or not. Some say that the Yeti is a descendant of a race of giant apes, the ‘gigantophitecus’ who retreated into the Himalayas some 500.000 years ago. Another theory is that the Yetis are descendant of the A-o-re, an ancient people that fled into the mountains to escape their enemies. In the following millennia, they degraded to a race of monstrous creatures. Skeptics say that the tracks were made by ordinary animals like a bear or an ape.

Expeditions
Of the many expeditions set out to find it, was also that of Sir Edmund Hillary, the first ever to climb the Mount Everest. He funded this expedition himself, for he and his guide Tenzing Norgay had seen footprints of a Yeti on a previous expedition. Unfortunately, his expedition was as unsuccessful as those who had gone before. However, he brought back with him a borrowed artifact: the upper half of the skull of a Yeti. This scalp came from the Khumjung Gompa (monastery) in Nepal where it is kept as a relic. It is some 300 years old, 20 cm high and has a circumference of 65 cm. Scientists said it belonged to a serow (mountain goat) which lives in eastern Asia.

There have been many other expeditions, but on none of those they got so much as even a glimpse of the creature. However, just like the 1951 expedition, they found tracks of the Yeti, and made casts of its footprints. The lack of evidence did not keep the government of Nepal from officially declaring the Yeti to exist in 1961. It became their national symbol, and an important source of income. There are even stamps of the creature.
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Yofune-Nushi
by Micha F. Lindemans
A sea-serpent from Japanese mythology. It lived in cave under the rocks of the Oki Island’s cost. Every year on the night of June 13, the serpent had to be offered a fair maiden. If this was refused, the creature would cause storms and destroy the fishing fleet. One year, a young girl, called Tokoyo, volunteered to go as the serpent’s next victim. When the monster approached her, ready to devour her, she pulled a knife and slashed at its eyes, blinding it. When the serpent reared back in pain and confusion, Tokoyo slew it.

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Date: January 18th, 2007
Cate: Ohio, anomoly, editorial, life, magick, wisdom, writing

Tarot Spread 011707:2217

Just did a general tarot read on my current status. This is how it came out!

Q: Card that represents me (I allow the deck to pick it. I don’t select it myself beforehand) High Priestess, reversed. Meaning: False Knowledge/Shallowness/Conceit

2: Cross card. What is currently crossing me or creating obstacles. Luna. Meaning: My “femaleness” is crossing me. “Drowning in this blood” I love being female, but my being female has contributed to my bondage and hindrances.

3: Above Card. What is in near future or higher-powered: The Devil. Meaning: Bondage. Fetters. My femaleness has created fetters on my creativity and magickal life.

4: Below Card. What is in my subconscious or foundation. My id urges. 3 Cups, reversed. Meaning: I have a tendency in my foundation to overindulge and want to escape.

5: Left Card: Past influences and left pillar stuff: Pillar of severity and judgment: 4 Cups. Ennui. Meaning: The sensate world holds little satisfaction for me and I’m not free enough to find that satisfaction at the moment.

6: Right Card: Future influences and right pillar stuff. Pillar of Mercy, Emotion. King of Questing (Wands), reversed. Meaning: Severity, Honesty, Subordination. Acceptance of the fatherly aspect of my life.

7: Inner Consciousness. 5 of swords, reversed. Meaning: I worry about my own bitterness and anger over my own situation. I have concern that my heart will harden if I voice too many of these thoughts. I experience (or fear experiencing) menacing and threat from others as a result of expressing my perspective on the spinelessness of the current generation of men.

8: Outside Influence. Judgment. Death, disillusionment, loss, criticism. Meaning; loss of support. Experience outside criticism. Becoming disillusioned to my own perspective or life?

9:Hopes, Ideals, Desires. King of Cups, reversed. Violence, scandal, injustice, weakness. Meaning: Not sure. I don’t think I hope or desire violence, scandal, injustice or weakness. Not sure how this figures into the spread. I’ll meditate on it later this evening.

10: The sum total of the spread. The Hermit. Meaning: Guidance, contemplation, revelation, integrity, respect.

Put it all together and what do I have? My female experience sometimes has me “drowning in the blood”. Binding me by my own biology, hormones and fertility. My foundation has a tendency for escape and excess. My left pillar of severity is a loss of satisfaction found in the sensate world, my right pillar of mercy and emotion is ironically, the card representing the achievement of the “father”. I think this means that I’ve emotionally and maternally accepted the role of “the father” in my life. My inner concerns are will others perceiving my honest feelings being posted to a blog being countered with treats or menacing. I can’t figure out how the card representing my hopes, ideals and desires being one that represents violence, scandal, injustice and/or weakness, but I’ll meditate on that this evening. And finally the Hermit is my sum card illuminating the guidance and integrity while using introspection to achieve revelation. I am now aware that a moments revelation and honest expression is often just one sliver of the iceberg and that judgments and generalizations can be good to vent, but often need to be reviewed so that they do not harden the heart and close down the mind.

Namaste y’all. We are not saints, but seekers.
China

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Date: January 17th, 2007
Cate: warriors of the light, wisdom, writing

WOL – Greed

Second deadly sin: Greed

 

Dictionary definition: from the Latin Avaritia, a feminine noun: Excessive fondness for money, stinginess, meanness.

Catholic Church definition: Goes against the Ninth and Tenth Commandments (You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house). Inordinate inclination or desire for pleasure or possessions.

For the philosopher Seneca: The poor always want something, the rich want a lot and the greedy want everything.

A story of Priests of the desert: “Holy man” ? said a novice to the Father Abbot – My heart is full of love for the world and my soul is free of temptations from the Devil. What is my next step?
The abbot asked the disciple to accompany him on a visit to a sick person who needed extreme unction. After comforting the family, the abbot noticed that in one of the corners of the house there was a trunk.
“What is inside it?” he asked.
“Clothes that my uncle never used”, said the sick man’s nephew.” He bought everything, always thinking that the right occasion would arise to wear them, but they ended up rotting inside it”.
“Don’t forget that trunk”, said the Father Abbot to his disciple, when they left. “If you have spiritual treasures in your heart, put them into practice now. Or they will rot away.”

Text commenting on the 1997 Asiatic economic crisis: The brokers bought and sold, convinced that the world would not change, because all they needed to do was to invest more and more and watch their fortunes grow. They didn’t care about the harm they were causing to the currency (Malaysia). Suddenly, 500 billion dollars disappeared out of circulation. When the time came to explain to all those who had lost their savings built up over the years and with much sacrifice, they replied: “it’s the fault of the market.” Actually, they were the market.

Death and Greed: Death and Greed watched the men working feverishly to find diamonds in a river. “I came here to take away some souls,” said Death. “Deliver me a third of these people and I will go away.”
“They belong to me, they are my slaves”, replied Greed. “I have nothing to deliver to you.”
Death then touched the water with his magic rod and poisoned it. Little by little, all who were there began dying.
“Why did you steal all my slaves?” shouted Greed, angrily.
“Because you didn’t want to give me any”, was the answer.

In a speech: because of its inability to produce, the Jewish people are parasites, and their aim is to enslave other peoples. They use greed to manipulate the stupidity of the middle class (Adolf Hitler, preparing the ground for the Holocaust, which cost the lives of six million Jews).

Many centuries before, the Rabbi Moshe ben Maimon used to say: The Lord sent to Man his messengers, called diseases. Eternal Providence put me in charge of caring for their health. Let the love for what I do guide me at every moment. Never let greed, or the thirst for power, or the desire for recognition, blind me and make me forget that a man’s objective is to give the best of what he has to another man.

Advice from the Tao Te King: The five colors blind human eyes. The five notes deafen their ears. The five tastes harm the palate. Races and hunts set off furious and savage passions in the heart.

Goods hard to get cause wounds because of dangerous obstacles. For that reason (…) the wise man rejects the superficial and prefers to dive into the deep.

(next: Lust)

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Date: January 16th, 2007
Cate: editorial, life, narcissism, sad, writing
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Three Generations of Spineless Men and the "Little Red Hen" Effect

Sometimes I like the idea of having a boyfriend, but the few times I’ve ventured into that arena since my daughter was born, I’ve found I like the idea more than the reality. I know this is a gross generalization and I’m fully prepared for the onslaught of angry men to tell me how crocked this post is, but this is just my perspective and I’m entitled to it. I know there are great guys out there. My stepfather, Bill Michaels, was one of them. He restored my faith that there are good guys out there. This post is just an observation and a personal perspective on why women often choose to “go it alone” into the realm of family foray!

It is my experience that men are an incomplete species. Don’t think so? Name a species in which the males will reproduce by parthenogenesis if there are no females present to copulate with? You can’t! But right now there is a komodo dragon who has never been introduced to a male and she’s pregnant. Read up and it’ll tell you of more than a few species in which the females will reproduce by parthenogenesis if there is more than one generation in which sexual reproduction isn’t possible. When this happens, all of the offspring are male, making it possible to repopulate whole areas. That rocks!!! I think women are slowly creeping towards this option since our men have three generations of selfish and cowardly behavior behind them.

It wasn’t always this way, but the past 40 years have made many men eunuchs in the family arena. This started out as their “choice” when, in the 60’s, when boy and girl would get jiggy together and then unplanned pregnancy would occur it was really the first time that society condoned the man 1) denying that he was the one responsible for the pregnancy and 2) abandoning the woman and going on his merry way, leaving her to hold the bag. I’m sure this wasn’t the first time this happened, but it was the first time it was condoned by the generation and accepted as an option.

In the 70’s, we (meaning feminist women) added to the problem of the selfish men by insisting we didn’t need them and even escorting them out of our lives. Now, not only were they not sticking around to be responsible but we were establishing ourselves into the male-dominated workplace and giving them permission to abandon the children they helped in creating, and we told ourselves that we were capable and better off without a partner that didn’t want to be there.

And we became both mother and father to our children.

Then the 80’s happened and the American world got greedy. It was fashionable to overwork, be material and leave those children to raise themselves, convincing ourselves that we’d done such a good job and we had such complete, level-headed kids who would make good choices.

In the 90’s those kids came of have and were beginning to have children of their own. With greedy, absentee parents we became nihilists and decided to embrace the “live for today, for tomorrow we may die” philosophy. Like our parents we fucked each other and fucked each other over, knowing we could cut-and-run if it went bad or got serious.

In the 2000’s a substantial percentage first births happen to single mothers. After 40 years of spineless men, we are finally getting our stride at doing it all and it is becoming les of a burned that we can’t bear. Fewer of us are in poverty situations with our children.

And now countless men, who insisted their past girlfriends had multiple abortions because they wouldn’t use birth control and they weren’t ready to stop playing with the world, are asking why they can’t get a slice of the family pie?

Men, who have ignored their children for decades or more, can’t figure out why their kids won’t return their phone calls?

Good men, who aren’t flawed by multiple-generations of cowardice by men, don’t know why a woman would choose to go ahead and have and parent a child on her own, rather than wait until he decided he’s ready.

I’ll tell you why.

Women got tired of waiting for men to grow up, to wake up and to become men. So we became men for them. And like the little red hen who planted the corn and watered the seed and tended the sprouts and harvested the wheat and milled the grain and baked the bread…

Now that the hot bread is on the table, the little red hen who did it all says;

“Step the fuck off, because this is the table that I built, in the house that I own and the family that I made…all without your help.”

See if a couple of generations more and I bet we get the hang of that parthenogenesis thing.

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Date: January 10th, 2007
Cate: china, nola, writing

NOLA & Lord of the Flies (response)

“We have created a generation without remorse and given them a Mad Max style wasteland to live out their Lord of the Flies fantasies in.”

These are the words of Loki . Recently married gentleman born and raised NOLA-style. He went back to NOLA as soon as possible after Katrina and dedicated himself and his resources to rebuilding. I read his blog “Humid City” every day in digest form by email. Over the past 15 months I’ve heard the futility and the frustration seeping into his words and today his post has spurned me to write.

He quoted another blog: Metroblogging New Orleans: Pondering and proximity, which states about another such poster who also has committed to stay and a “block-by-block” local action for the rebuild. These are intelligent, independent and committed individuals who love NOLA and believe in their heart-of-hearts that she needs to rise again. But I don’t think anyone though it would be this hard.

And it probably wouldn’t…but there is that quote that started this post:

“We have created a generation without remorse and given them a Mad Max style wasteland to live out their Lord of the Flies fantasies in.”

Indeed we have. I lived in New Orleans and love her city. I love her energy, her way of pushing people until they transcended their own humanity or left, or died. I love her music, her coagulation of the creative; artists, singers, performance and theater people. It was a carnival town as well as a carnivale town and all of the members from the side show, to the flying trapeze to the management were in residence in the off season.

New Orleans remains the only place I can say that I live with my heart wide open. No mask. On my two trips back since Katrina, as soon as my feet touched NOLA dirt there was a huge sigh of relief by my soul. It relaxed, and for the duration of my trip, I didn’t need to worry about keeping appearances up so that I would mix in with humanity. NOLA is a place that allows my wings to spread, my teeth to sharpen and my blood to run shimmeringly black. I love New Orleans and I want to protect her, but when I was there and talked she reminded me of a rape victim who wants to hide herself away from further trauma and to try and heal, but in that process something truly went wrong and she’s in this bad relationship with bad people who continue to hurt her.

I live in Ohio now and since 1998 I’ve tried to find an opening for my return to NOLA. I almost had it in 2005…and then the storm happened. Now I can’t find adequate housing for me and my 8 year old, even IF there were schools to educate her and jobs to help pay for it. NOLA is about as far away from being my place of residence as it can be…but it’s still home to my heart.

When I lived there were these sections of the city you just didn’t go. When I got shot, I got nudged into one of them. They were bad places filled with bad people, taught be bad people to be bad. The housing projects were such that they made the projects of Compton, CA look like country club resorts. Poverty was learned as an occupation. Hustling as the side game. I was very glad that I didn’t have to live in one of those places, but that didn’t prevent me from imagining what it was like, as a child to come of age in one of them. It would have been so removed from the American Dream.

When the Katrina fiasco was in full swing I remember hearing about the looting that was happening. Not just food and water, but clothes and entertainment items. It made perfect sense to me. If I had lived a whole life without having those sorts of things, and my mama has lived her whole life without them…and her mama. And all of a sudden the city’s closed down and the power is out and there are not security alarms or guards and the police has other things to worry about, then I would feel pretty damn justified in going and getting myself one of them boxes with a fancy TV. Sure, there isn’t any power, but there will be…and if there isn’t, I have something to sell to someone who has power. Either way, it’s all good by me.

I understand that underdog mentality. Couple that with the testosterone found in the 14-24 males growing up in those parts and you are right; It’s Lord of the Flies. The have found their Promised Land and they are doing what they know.

When I read about the founding of New Orleans I read about pirates and criminals and the miscreants of the New World. They stormed the city and founded it in their image. And it has always remained in the shadow of that foundation. That is one of the reasons it held our heart so tight.

Maybe in the rebuilding of New Orleans , another seizure of the city is happening by the criminals and pirates who would claim the city for their own?

And if that is the case, there are two options. Fight, using their rules, and beat them, then seize the city for your own, or leave the city to them. They will never go willingly. You are right. Most of them know the prison system and they are having too much fun. Once you have been to prison, there is always a part of you that operates on that logic. So…your rebuild efforts may be in vain, because even if you fix up every building to better than its original state, who is going to move there with that element running the outside world? And they have already proven they aren’t afraid to storm your house, kill you and take your shit.

So what is the answer? I don’t have one. I want my old New Orleans back too, but once squeezed out, the toothpaste is damn hard to get back inside to tube. Time is like that too! Things have changed. New Orleans isn’t what she used to be. There is an element that seeks to feed on her wounded body like a carrion bird, picking at her flesh when she is not yet dead. To those who would stay with her, I salute you, but I feel that unless you take the fight to a very visceral and mortal level, you will continue to feel frustrated as you watch them take her away, day by day.

Could a clear, strong, local government who is intolerant of the bullshit that has been happening make a difference? Yes, if supported by the community agencies of sheriff, police, and legal and community action to support those efforts. Right now everything is fragmented, and the vultures smell weakness.

Maybe someone should don a super-suit and a cape and become a modern-day super-hero. That is what I think we need…. A super-hero for lady Babylon!

Rise again lady New Orleans . Let me know what you need from me to aid you in any way. I miss you

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Date: January 4th, 2007
Cate: Recovery, china, editorial, magick, writing

Response to a post on the Use of Drugs in the OTO Order.

Original Post Here

I’m not in the O.T.O. but I am a student of Thelema. Thelema, the law. The “Love is the Law, Love Under Will” law. I’ve studied Crowley’s writings for the past, shit it’s been a long time…23 years. It doesn’t seem that long. But no means am I an expert. I have been involved with membership in two Orders, but I find there to be this rift between alliance to the praxis and alliance to the order. I have been taught that spiritual principles are NEVER in conflict, and on meditation I had to realize that the nature of the conflict, both times was not in my practice, but in conflicting guidelines from the Orders.

Of course and Order, is concerned with the laws governing the community with which it resides. And a general reading of “Diary of a Drug Fiend” will show that initials use of mind-altering substances often provides an expansive experience. Continued use almost always closes down and impairs the Will. Continuing to read allows the reader to know that awareness of this usually brings some sort of humiliation and a need to re-commit oneself to their Will. Taking the necessary steps to eradicate any behavior that will distract from their Path.

Personally I’ve run that gamut of drug use, abuse and addiction. There is just nothing left in the chemical world that would be of any aid to my Will. But initially it did open me up to other worlds. Worlds and states available by meditation and fasting and other spiritual practices, but a tab of LSD made it work much faster and without years of practice. It served its initial purpose. At that time it was in line with my Will and no order, or government would have kept me from it. I also was aware of the legal ramification so I tried to keep the experiences in places and with people that would minimize that risk. For them AND for me.

I think the Orders need to be mindful of their responsibilities WHILE being mindful of what they are there to support. The Law of Thelema. I’m sure there is some way of being respectful of the members’ ability to promote the Law and practice their Will, while not enabling those who would abuse the freedom of personal choice by hiding drug abuse behind the façade of immature Will. It is very easy for an order (or government for that matter) to become distracted by the outside world imposing, and forgetting that the order was designed to a protective place for Thelemites to practice their Will and the Law and to form a community of place and study with others.

Respectfully

As it is…so be it.
LVX 93

Chinagrrrl

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Date: December 28th, 2006
Cate: Ohio, china, life, writing
3 msgs

NE Ohio, Creativity and Fear

I can’t quite figure out if today is Thursday or Friday. Logically I know that it is Thursday, but I heard a radio announcer say that today is the 29th, so I’ve been confounded since then.

Yesterday I was doing the blog thing and a “friend of a friend” (which is something that has taken on a new live since the development of “social networking” sites such as mySpace.com and LiveJournal.com) had some lyrical prose posted. It was beautiful and soulful, so I snipped part of it and linked back to his site. I took his header information from his profile page and posted it. A bit later I got a comment from someone on my friends list with an accusatory tone to it (love the internet text where you have to pull teeth to get the emotion behind the bits and bytes showing up on our screens) and he stated about how he knew this guy and that he was talking about the love of his life who had died. I replied back that I was only taking the information from his header. I didn’t mean to offend anyone, heck I don’t know the guy, or his situation, I only know that there were beautiful words on his page that I wanted to share with others. But I stuck with the facts and not the guilt I was feeling, how I found the cadence of the words beautiful and I was only using his own information. But still the “did I do something wrong” voice crept in when someone lashed out and my Libra doesn’t like conflict. Ugh! Then I have to remind myself that my blogs are less editorial columns and more about writing so my head doesn’t explode. I’m not here to win any “friend rating” contests and that I LOVE critical challenge from another viewpoint designed to broaden my foundation.

I live in Ohio. Northeastern Ohio. Cleveland is a modern, bustling metropolis filled with opportunity compared to where I live. Now don’t get me wrong. Akron spawned Jim Jarmusch , Mark Mothersbaugh, Bob Mothersbaugh , Chrissie Hynde , LeBron James , Angie Everhart, Heather Kozar, Butch Reynolds , Leland Gaunt and Jeffrey Dahmer so we do not lack taken or creativity and a certain amount of twistedness. However, the creative usually move on when they want to spread their wings.

Akron is still a town with a mindset on the 1950’s, when the jobs in the rubber factories were considered the place to be and art, music & creative…well that’s for someone else. We’re a hardworkin’, practical bunch and prefer to spend out money on cases of beer (or better yet a tap mounted right on the front of the fridge) and not some frou-frou art.

So now I have a job at a nice manufacturing company. I work at the corporate headquarters, which as irony has it is exactly the same rubber factories that met with decline in the 1970’s. I sit in my chair every weekday morning by 8:29 a.m. and I stay there until after 5:01 p.m. no matter if there is work to do or not. Lucky for me, there usually is. I work the line, only now the line is a cube farm. In exchange I get a paycheck twice a month that is spent, on necessities and paying past bills, within two days of receiving it. Then I hold fast for the next 13 days until I get the next one. The benefits are good, but there isn’t much time off. I appreciate the job. And I try to show that appreciation by being a good employee. I also try and remember that in this position I am only a worker bee, and worker bees are also known as… D R O N E S. So stay sharp and challenge myself and make sure that there is room for creativity.

That is the problem. Room and time to be creative? I carve wood in front of my fireplace, then burn the shavings and create lampblack to make ink. Wands, shadow people and ink are my creative range right now and I don’t take care of any of them. Once every few years I mix up a batch of pulp and make some homemade paper, but I really don’t showcase anything that I do. I have no special storage places so my work gets dented and damaged. I give it away because I have no place to keep it and I really don’t have a place to work. Just a crammed little place on the floor. I used some of my shadow people for tent stakes once last year and my wand tips break off because I keep them shoved next to the sofa and resting on a bookcase shelf.

I have no sacred space anymore because everything in my life is sacred. My life is ordinary and everything in it is sacred.

When my cousin and I had lunch together he told me that I am a very good writer and that in the future he hopes that we can work together. I was internally very interested to hear more about this and very elated, but I felt scrambled. Did he really thing I was a good enough writer to collaborate on something and what does that mean? I would like to know his thoughts on this but I was afraid to ask.

I am also afraid to believe I am good. I know it, but I hide it, even though I promised I wouldn’t hide my light anymore. It seems egotistical to bring it out among others. I’m afraid to take my work out and shot it to the light of day. I’m afraid I’m really no good. I’m afraid I’m out of touch. I’m afraid of getting wrapped up in those crazy, emotional messes. I’m afraid of being vulnerable.

Heck…it sounds like I’m afraid of everything. I wish I had someone who walked this path before reach out and hold my hand while I get my “sea legs.”

Maybe I really should set off to sea and be a pirate.

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Date: December 27th, 2006
Cate: china, life, writing

Core Dump – 0903:122706

Three pages in the morning. Don’t worry what is written or the fact that work has started. I haven’t core dumped because there is never enough time in this created world of structure and self-importance, but I’m a good soldier and I do the work that I’m asked. When the Path brings something to my doorstep I don’t ask who, what, when, where & why. They don’t matter. I’ve asked all the questions and tried to apply logic and reason and science to all of the mystery and then the 2×4 board slaps upside my head and I figured out that science is still a primitive practice. That “the Them” haven’t provided the “finger of Divine inspiration” to develop a measuring implement to quantify the magick.

Will they ever?

But magick is able to be measured by results. The magickal diary expressing intention and the actions taken to support and obtain those results. That is as close to science as we have right now.I will tell you though, I believe in magick in all of its beautiful color. I believe in a world that is much, much better for the small faction of practicing mages. I wouldn’t want to be in this world without us.

And I’ve found an artist named Natasha Alexandra who releases music under the name NLX. I really like her stuff. She reminds me of a cross between the beautiful piano melodies of Tori Amos and the strange machinations of Trent Reznor’s darkness. Beautiful, sharp lyrics coated in a brittle and sometimes bitter aftertaste.

And now I am on to page two Hooray! One down and two to go. I am writing on a large, letter-sized, white, ruled notebook. Like a legal tablet, but letter-sized…and white. Writing stream of consciousness never used to be difficult, but I’m older now and the ridges have set in and it is a challenge to soften them up and make them flexible again. But it’s worth it. Isn’t it?

Of course there is this nagging critic inside of me telling me that when I made my choice to have a baby I also chose not to pursue any more of my cockamamie creative ideas. Now that, you are responsible for another life and your needs get placed on hold. It’s ever worse for you, because you decided to have a baby by yourself, and I told you how much work it was and how you would have no more time for yourself. No husband, or boyfriend…and the father is a son-of-a-bitch you had to run from in order to get away from. He took everything from you. Your money, your love, your generosity of spirit and hospitality, and once he got what he wanted he wanted you out. Now you want to have this baby that will tie you forever to someone like that? Is that what you want to do?

If that’s the case, don’t you dare expect one once of help from anyone. You made your bed, now you can lie in it. {that sounds like a good idea for a single-woman play. “You made your bed” and it could be a monolog of all the “lessons” we learn as women, usually from other women, that take us from floaty and wonderfully chiffon princesses and fairies into the plain wives, mothers and old maids who throw personal identities and desires away because we don’t believe we deserve to be allowed to dream. Then we grow up and do the same damage to our beautiful girl children.} My head belongs in the clouds, but I can’t, for the life of me, figure out how to provide for my child and give her a sense of security and foundation with me pursuing my crazy dreams.

So yes, I’ve sold them off years ago as I ponied up to prepare to bring a child into a world with me as her mother, with no real support and having never known any sort of unconditional love. I wanted to be a good mommy. But everyone told me it was impossible, that what I was doing wasn’t fair to the baby, that I was being selfish.

And so far I have done alright in that effort to parent. 2003 was a mess. I really fucked that one up, but it’s over and I’ve paid for my sins and I’m not afraid of something like that ever happening to me again, because it won’t. I’ve changed.

But I have let my need to create become less than my passion and focus and now I’m here, facing my fears about dusting it off and taking it down off the shelf and giving it a good look to see if its worth salvaging or if it needs to head to the rubbish bin.

I used to think I was a good writer, but then one day Peekay and Adrian were talking about my atrocious grammar and spelling and how I thought that I was good, but I really wasn’t very good at all. And years later I learned that it was only said because they envied my ability to spin stories and breath vitae into them so real that it would come to life inside their minds. It was said, because they were jealous that they couldn’t write like me. But still, the damage was done and I knew my wings ripped a little that day. I finished the job myself when I became a mom. I felt I had to sacrifice something so I that I could learn to be a good mother to my miracle, so I did.

And now I walk the earth and remember what it was like when I could fly.

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Date: December 26th, 2006
Cate: china, life, writing
1 msg

Facing fear

My life is cool. Very cool. I’m 36 and a mom and those are two things I NEVER thought I’d see. Having those two things, it makes me pretty content. And yet, this holiday season I’ve been filled with a subtle sense of sadness. And I’m trying to be tender with those feelings, but I’m also hearing the inner voice that is telling me that I’m being an ungrateful little schmuck!!! How dare I have any sadness when it COULD be so much worse. And yes. I’ve been in worse circumstances. Much worse. And my life is good.

But the sadness is still there.

I’m almost embarrassed at what triggered it. It reeks of attachment and ego and entitlement. All things I despise. But the only way I’ve ever gotten free of such feelings is by being honest with them and then I seem to get another view. One that is bigger and a bit more comprehensive. So…in hopes that it will still work, I’ll give it a shot.

Once upon a time in a land far, far away there was a little girl who was always told how beautiful and smart and talented she was. When she swam…she swam better than anyone. When she rode a bike, she did things nobody else ever did. Magazines took her picture and interviewers asked her questions. By 16 she was told that it was certain that she was destined to do great things. When she went to college her professors “0h’ed” and “Ah’ed” over her writing and her work and they again told her that she was destined to do amazing works.

But no one told her how.

And when she couldn’t figure it out, and she knew that people wouldn’t think that she was “smart” if she couldn’t figure out something so simple as that, she took a path that would help people realize that maybe amazing things weren’t destined for her. Maybe she was just a regular old person.

And when I became a mother I love it. I loved my new role but there wasn’t any other help and there wasn’t any time to write, or make art or even to dream. And over the years I’ve let go of most of my work, because it won’t fit in my small apartment. And many of my professional tools have been sold, or discarded. And aside from blogging and keeping an extensive journal, and carving a hunk of wood every now and again with dull tools, I haven’t made much in the way of art in 8 years.

And my cousin, who was always a great guy, and his family are doing so well together. Their marriage is supportive and he says he’s so luck to have gotten to marry his best friend. His kids know their parents love them and he has been successful in his Hollywood dream job. I’m really, really happy for him, and yet there is a little part of me that wants to know what happened to my dreams? And then the little voice calls me an ungrateful bastard and kicks me in the head.

I’ve been trying to clear my mind and meditate on this…but I’ve been unsuccessful as of yet to calm my mind.

I’m embarrassed that I’m feeling this petty way.

And my mother got me a book called “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron. Its a course in “Discovering and Recovering Your Creative Self” and part of me want to discount the book, because if I have to recover my creative self, that means I have to first admit that I’ve lost it along the way and that thought always brings tears to my eyes and sobs to my heart. Me! Who urges everyone I meet to listen to that little voice in your heart and to always, always, always follow your dreams. Me, who urged my cousin to go to California and to take his shot, because if he didn’t, he would always regret it. I need to face that my meager means have caused me to put my dreams on the back burner until I don’t even know where I left them.

I started reading the book last night and I immediately closed down because in the dedication on page vii I note that she is dedicating this book, among others, to her “daughter, Domenica Cameron-Scorsese, for sharing her mother and bearing the dual pressures of second-generation fame…” and my mind scoffs that this is another Hollywood wife, with all her husbands money and connection, writing a book for fun and profit. Nothing is on the line. No children are suffering because mom bought a hunk of Gabon Ebony instead of food. No child doesn’t get tucked in by a nanny, while mommy is in her special “writing room” with her perfect desk and her perfect notebook and her perfect writing implement.

And I taste the venom of envy in the back of my throat and I “know” this woman doesn’t have a clue about challenges, so what can I get from her?

But I need something and I tell myself to be soft, and open-minded and see what we can see. We need guidance and direction and most of all time. My head is bursting with ideas. I still have to write each and every day, just so my head won’t explode. My creativity is still there, but it hasn’t been allowed to breath for more than 8 years. It’s almost afraid to come back out into the sunlight, because it is anemic and pathetic and neglected.

And it’s afraid no one will want it any more.

And, for those of you who can read between the lines, THAT is what I’m afraid of…

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Date: December 21st, 2006
Cate: china, humor, writing

Wizard Rock

Oh…by the Gods…

Somebody stop me…after reading all six Harry Patter (I guess that’s the Irish Potter) books in less than two weeks I was investigating some of the details online and I learned of the spin-off known as “wizard rock.”

[Hell]

To anyone that has escaped the Harry Potter surge of popularity, Wizard Rock are actual bands, comprised of actual Muggl—er, humans who play actual music all about the HP books. There are folk wizard bands, rock wizard bands, thrash wizard bands. All sorts of stuff.

You can listen to some of them at MySpace Music/Wizard Rock . Some of them are good.

[Help]

I need to go to Skinny Puppy rehab…get this shit out of my system!

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Date: December 21st, 2006
Cate: china, writing

Dream

I had one of those dreams last night. One of those where I watch from inside someone else head. This one began with me being inside an older brothers house as he stood on a front porch and watched, disapprovingly, as his younger sister gets into a blue pickup truck. The next thing I know I’m not watching from her point of view and her and her companion are winding down a road going through a very wooded area. It’s fall and there are lots of leaves on the ground, but still lots of coverage in the trees. The man who is driving, I never get a clear look at, but I notice that there are a number of sharpie markers around. In fact, they are the only writing implement around.

From here there are a few strange things that happen in the dream. They “layer” and I see what happens over an extended period of time. Abduction, kidnapping, abuse and exploitation. Not just of her, but of those he’s taken before. This happens while they are still driving. Maybe it’s just something she’s thinking of. Anyways, the next thing she jumps out of the moving vehicle with her bag and runs off into the woods. The pick-up takes a few seconds to screech to a stop, the man runs off after her.

The dream ends with the girl trying to hide her bag and herself under the leaf cover. The man is running into the woods to find her.

I have no ides how it ends.

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Date: December 20th, 2006
Cate: china, editorial, life, writing

Improvement

I had lunch with my cousin, Derek yesterday. It was the first time in seven years that I’ve seen him. It was a good lunch and we talked of many things, most of them relating to how we are doing in our personal and intrapersonal lives. Derek has always been the more moderate of my relatives. He did well in primary and secondary school, went to college, got good grades and worked in related fields for his employment. Within a year of graduation from university he married a lovely girl. To the best of my knowledge he’s never burned anything down, been to jail or knocked baby birds out of their nest. He’s never had to go to rehab, never gone bankrupt or had a house go into foreclosure or seen his name in the “crime page” of the local paper. He’s a good guy.

We were catching up on our various family dynamics. Because of my “not-so-moderate” behaviors, I’ve needed to take scrutiny on why some of my behavior was so self-defeating and came back to some (not all…some of it is just my own bad choices) of my family dynamics. I’ve found ways to “detach with love” and to find out how to love them, but maybe not their behavior. I’ve learned ways to watch them spin with denial or Machiavellian tactics and I can honestly and authentically throw my arms around them and say “I love you by NOT getting into this with you. It’ll go nowhere and it’ll just cause more suffering on both of our parts.”

But having done this, and listening to him tell his tales, I wondered….how did I get here? How did I get some balance in a life were I used to need to self-destruct every 36 months? Where did the Middle Path start to work on me?

I think it started in September of 2003, when I was about as hollow as I’ve ever been. I’d been living in Hell and not doing so well there. I had, for the past several months previous, stopped struggling with trying to mitigate and control what I was doing, and just let go. I believed that it was highly probable that I may die in that hollow, quarter-inch world of addiction, but I was going to try each day NOT to do what I was doing. It’s pretty humiliating after 200 days of trying to change, and failing each and every day. So I let go. And, to be honest I prayed. Now, anyone who knows me, know that I am anything BUT a Christian, but at this time I opened myself to ANY power that could hear me. Anything out there….do what needs to be done so I can stop this insanity for GOOD.

And that happened…but that’s another story. This one details what I practiced to change at a fundamental level, from someone playing a tragic and sick part of a family story into a strong and interdependent woman who has a healthy world view.

The first thing I had to learn was that I was just to do this for me. Not for my beloved daughter. Not to help change my family situation. Just for me. I was tired of being the scapegoat that others could point their finger and shake their heads. I wanted to break free of that. In that declaration, I learned that I didn’t love myself very much. I liked many things I had done, people I’d met, who others thought me to be. But if you took all that stuff away, I didn’t like just me. That had to change.

In order for that to change, I had to be soft with myself. I had to allow myself to make mistakes. Someone challenged me to treat myself in difficult situations, with the same compassion and tenderness that I would treat my daughter with. Allow me to try and fail and have support from within. That began to work. I allowed myself to make some new choices, and to not have much success and to just say “ok, that was a good option, but it didn’t work out, so we can scratch that off the list and try something else.”

That was the next thing. Make new mistakes. I know some of the OLD things I’ve done that don’t work, so it was outlawed for me to touch them again. Instead of trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, I needed to go outside my range of comfort and to try NEW things, without judgment or expectation. Then I needed to evaluate if that choice improved my life, or created more complication and suffering. If it fell into the suffering category, it went onto the “don’t do it again!” list. With this came the awareness that “crazy people make you crazy” and if I wanted to be free of that insanity I needed to stay away from people that would drag me into those situations. I stopped finding “bad boys” attractive. I stayed away from my weak point, the Puerto Rican dope boys. I didn’t drive on streets I’d find them. I didn’t’ return their phone calls. I stayed away from things I knew didn’t work.

Next, I had to realize my own personal limitations. I had to realize that I am the sum of my experiences and that I have strengths and weaknesses, places to shine and places I still need to grow. I had to realize that sometimes I just need to step away from a situation, and that’s not being in denial or running away from the problem. It’s saying that “this thing is too harsh or big for me to deal with right now, so I’ll step away and find a way to approach it so that we can find an improved solution.” I might need to work on myself. I might need reinforcements. I might need an alternative. I might just need to stay away. A good example of this was the winter holidays that followed my completion of a long-term, residential rehabilitation program. There was a family get-together at my mother’s house. My father was bringing my daughter back down there, from visiting them up at his house. The wine was flowing (with them, not me) and everyone traipsed down “memory lane” about good times they remember when they were happier, younger and together.

For me, that “memory lane” holds the time in my life most filed with abuse, pain and trampled self-esteem. It was the time that I transformed into a person who felt she has no worth other than to be a disposable, pleasure vehicle for another. It was the time I felt lonely and abandoned and patronized. It is the time that my 36-month time-bomb was implanted into mean and sealed in so tightly that I never thought I would get it out.

All of a sudden I felt like that tiny child again. The one with her knees drawn up to her chest and verging on tears as everyone laughed, and laughed and laughed. I knew it was time to go. I grabbed my keys and my kid and told her that I needed to leave, so pack up her things. She was having a great time with my dad’s ten year old son and didn’t want to leave. She doesn’t understand that mom sometimes needs to pack up and get out of a situation that is declining because it puts me in “bad space” that makes me want to escape, and escape to a recovering addict is a bad place to be. I marched into the happy, reminiscing group and said I needed to leave and would you please move your car. They laughed, and laughed and laughed…but no car was moved. I couldn’t get out.

I felt boxed in and trapped. But I learned a lesson. Now, when I go to a family get-together, I park down the street. Yes, we have to walk a little bit, but it’s better than being trapped and feeling new slashes digging deep into my soul. I’ve made a life where no one should be able to drag me back to those times, and if I find myself there, I should be able to remove myself quickly.

This all felt so foreign to me at first. As I extricated myself from a sick family-system it felt as if I were flaying whole parts off of my personality. I felt raw. Then I started to see the improvements in my life. The first thing I noticed was that I was no longer attracting the scammers, the lazy, the users or the abusers. Bad folks avoided me. They knew, from my behavior that I wasn’t buying what they were selling and moved onto better marks. The next thing was that I was becoming attractive to quality people. Friends and a couple of times, more than that. My “people” were becoming more solid, and with more to offer. I learned from this, that I sometimes hang out with low-lifers to look good. I always looked like the best, when I was around the pond scum, they looked up to me. Now, I have people I look up to as well.

Then next thing I saw was that I was beginning to be able to make a good choice. I had allowed myself to make new mistakes, and then treated myself tenderly when they weren’t so good. Now I had enough trial & error under my belt. That I was able to make a good decision and my life was reaping the rewards. I was improving.

But the place where I see the greatest growth is in dealing with my family. I have “detached with love” from the insanity and the counter-productive actions. I have been able to learn what my buttons are and then keep them away from those who like to push them. Over time, I have taken that power away from them, so that now, they no longer even have the ability to push those buttons. The buttons are gone! I laugh at myself and my mistakes, and know I’m not going to easily fall prey to the same ones again. I can love my mother and father, simply because they are my mother and father, and not much like their personality, or how they treat others. I can state my position without my ego being attached to it, so that if someone attacks, it doesn’t hurt and I can evenly observe my reaction.

Does it work all the time? No. There are still some infrequent times where I find myself sinking, or wanting to sink, to someone level after they have gotten inside my skin and rubbed me raw. But it happens much less often now, and my life has improved in a real and authentic way.

And I’m very glad.

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Cacique [1985]

Cacique…

Meticulous, yet with horrendous spelling I sprawl and envision the things of the mist.

The beauty too fine to hold onto sifting through your fingers as you watch helplessly as it slips away

To loves won and lost on the table of phantasy, where the stakes are much too high but the points are not real.

To the lives you have lived only in your mind and the following footfalls that never seem to arrive

To the places you have never been, to the people that don’t exist
And the love letters you’ve never written to them. But it
Doesn’t matter much because you wouldn’t have known what to say anyway

It is this at the Inn of the Dreamers, the end of the imagined
And the beginning of all that might be there

So put on your gown and step into the ballroom and weave and
Intricate web of mysteries here with me.

Here in Cacique.